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kml #2905427 10/10/20 05:38 PM
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Brought a load of boxes home from the storage unit yesterday and went through them with CMM today. It’s emotional for him (killed me to see him throwing out old cards from his daughters but he’s adamant in his stance that he won’t contact them and doesn’t want me to contact them after his death. I think he’s so hurt by their rejection that he’s just pushed them away; this might have to do with unresolved trauma around his own parents sudden deaths when he was a teen.) Still he managed to throw out a bunch of crap and make a few boxes to donate. A couple more days like this and we will have it emptied out. The boxes he will have left will fit into my garage.

kml #2905618 10/13/20 05:37 AM
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There is a new show on AMC that is interesting so far but ..... warning..... could be very triggering. I mention it here because WASs might see it as exculpatory.

The sci-fi premise is that it’s 15 years in the future and new technology - a machine that identifies the “soul particle”- can identify your soulmate.

Complications of course arise. If you’re happily married, but surrounded by all these ecstatic new “soulmate” couples, do you start questioning your marriage? Do you take “the test” and meet your soulmate, that person that might be more perfect for you than your spouse, and blow up your marriage ?

What if your “soulmate” becomes a stalker? A lot of this is really a metaphor for MLC affairs.

kml #2905636 10/13/20 01:13 PM
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I do think that while the WAS / LBS stories all seem to unfold in seemingly predictable and consistent fashions, that there nuances to each of them. Undoubtedly many of them involve the existence of "soul-mates".

There was a hilarious series of youtube videos called SoulMate Schmoopies that you may have seen. Sadly the account they were under has become inactive and they are no longer available. Which is sad because I know for a fact that many LBS including myself found a lot of humour in them.

Personally I don't believe in the existence of a soul-mate nor that we are fore-destined for a particular partner. That's one of the reasons I think that I was content in my marriage despite the flaws that it had. I felt that you worked with what you had and were grateful for it.

The soulmate as a stalker is certainly a thing though. S has that pseudonym because she was originally referred to as "stalker lady". Going to muse about this on my own thread I think. I honestly don't know if my ex-wife thought that OM was her own soul-mate. She absolutely was a romantic and she chased after him with great vigour. I recall in my snooping days coming across some memes that she shared to her phone about how it was so wonderful to find someone who made her feel so good. I expect that after I found out about the affair that the predator became the prey as she then chased after him. They're together now, not sure how happy they are but that's not my issue. I just send the cheque every month.

As the movie perhaps explores, I think that they key problem is the creation of discontent and a yearning for a perfection that - at least in my own opinion - is unobtainable.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml #2905688 10/13/20 09:06 PM
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I don’t believe in soulmates - even less now than when I was younger. There’s compatibility , and attraction, and if you have both together in one person that’s grand. But “soulmates” is often code for being caught up in stupid infatuation with no regard for anything or anyone else.

kml #2905691 10/13/20 09:19 PM
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I absolutely believe in soul mates, but not in the way most think - to me a soul mate is someone you've got serious karma with which needs to be worked out in this lifetime. there are many types of soul mates: friends, lovers, spouses, children. thats just my esoteric take on it. has nothing to do with the balderdash they spew one these shows.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2906013 10/17/20 05:54 PM
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Radiation complete, chemo yesterday, going ok so far but the symptoms will really kick in tomorrow when the steroids wear off. CMMs shoulder still hurts but hoping that will improve over the next week.

I’m doing some organizing and cleaning at home today (reading about Andrew’s travails sure makes me want to declutter!!!!)

kml #2906144 10/19/20 06:22 AM
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So I’ve been digitizing home videos today. It’s strange, seeing my ex through the rear view mirror. Although I really wasn’t aware of it at the time, I see his angst and discomfort in his own skin so clearly now. The way he always made weird faces at the camera - not in a relaxed goofy way (although that’s probably how I saw it at the time) but more in a “hiding your true self from the camera” way.

In one video, he’s playing with our oldest as a toddler at the lake house his family owned. And it hit me, it must have been uncomfortable for him. Remember he slept with an old girlfriend the night before our wedding, and unbeknownst to me, she got pregnant and had an abortion while we were in our honeymoon ( I didn’t learn that part until about 6 years later). So I imagined him in that video, playing with our first child, with all his family around. He grew up Catholic, his father and siblings were moderately religious. Abortion is a big no-no for Catholics. And there he was, hiding that huge secret from me and his family - no wonder he had to hide his true self from the camera.

kml #2906146 10/19/20 08:42 AM
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wow. lots to carry and weigh him down. so much better to live an honest life


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2906229 10/19/20 10:02 PM
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One other thing - on that same video from 1998 at the lake, I was filming and I caught my ex's grandfather sitting by the lake watching the action. I told him to "say hi for posterity grandpa" and he turned and smiled his huge smile and said hi. So glad I caught that image of him. He was a lovely man, very sweet, (very unlike my ex father-in-law and my ex). He lived to be 95 or 96 - just died maybe 4 years ago. I'm glad to have that image of him, I'll need to snip it out and send it around to my ex-in-laws.

kml #2906232 10/19/20 10:35 PM
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One other thing - on that same video from 1998 at the lake, I was filming and I caught my ex's grandfather sitting by the lake watching the action. I told him to "say hi for posterity grandpa" and he turned and smiled his huge smile and said hi. So glad I caught that image of him. He was a lovely man, very sweet, (very unlike my ex father-in-law and my ex). He lived to be 95 or 96 - just died maybe 4 years ago. I'm glad to have that image of him, I'll need to snip it out and send it around to my ex-in-laws.

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