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A Message from Michele
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Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: AnotherStander] #2905796
10/14/20 09:40 PM
10/14/20 09:40 PM
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Posts: 541
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Wolfman, very sorry you're going through this, wow. Remove every important document from the house and any items of value until she's gone. Talk to a lawyer about your legal options for getting her out. It varies from state to state, here in TX if someone is allowed to live in your house for a certain length of time and receives mail there then they are a resident and you can't just kick them out, you have to go through eviction proceedings. If she hasn't been there long then you may be able to ask her to leave, and if she refuses then you can call the police for assistance. But I don't know the specifics and that's why I suggest talking to a lawyer first.


Same here in NY. After 30 days I would have to evict her if she refuses to leave. But that’s also where my conscious tugs on me, because she is pregnant I feel bad. Any women chime in. She keeps playing the pregnant card on me knowing it makes me feel bad. She wants to live in my home till December. Not doing anything but for herself and not pay a dime. I feel that is unacceptable since we are not a couple. If we were a couple of course I would do anything for her. I don let trust her in the home. I hid all my jewelry and important documents


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2905814
10/15/20 03:10 AM
10/15/20 03:10 AM
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,130
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may22 Offline
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may22  Offline
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The pregnant part doesn't help. Does she have any other support system, family, etc.?

Honestly, she sounds like a total head case and not someone I would want living in my house either. But, she's pregnant with your kid. And (this might sound harsh and others might disagree) but that's on you. And tbh... I do think kicking your pregnant GF onto the street is not exactly the right thing to do.

Reality is when she has your child, you'll have to be paying child support if you guys are separated, and you'll have to figure out how to co-parent with her even if she is a little nutso. I might do the math on what child support is going to be and maybe you can start paying it now so she can find a place to live that isn't with you.

Sorry I can't be a cheerleader on this. You're in a really tough situation.


Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D10
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6-7/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
8/20-present R attempt #2
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2905818
10/15/20 11:30 AM
10/15/20 11:30 AM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 7,878
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Posts: 7,878
Holy crap. It never occurred to me that she ACTUALLY lived there, Wolfman. Wow, not only did you go against advice and start dating, but then you moved in a live-in GF? Wow, you really went all in.

Good luck, I have a feeling the breakup is going to be a messy one.


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2905819
10/15/20 11:45 AM
10/15/20 11:45 AM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 248
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MrBrside Offline
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MrBrside  Offline
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Posts: 248
WM,

She sounds proper bunny boiler, who acts without thinking of the consequences..

What if one of them lit pieces of paper caught a tea towel or curtain - and it spread...

In your sitch, i would take advice.

Not only that, document everything. I would also be tempted to record or film any of this crazy stuff..

This is going to pan out badly..

When it comes to the child, you need to sort your rights and access as soon as the child is born.. But she will probably go the other way ( restrict access etc ) and say that you abandoned her / kicked her out when you found out she is pregnant..

Think how this looks from the 3rd party side.. You find out your parrtner is pregnant and ask her to leave / end it. Thats how she will sell it - and it makes you look like a really bad person, before that child is even born - hence you need to get your ducks in a row to ensure you dont look like the abuser.

The long term, there is this poor child.. Again, if shes prone to these crazy outbursts, she will probably paint you as the bad parent..

Take advice, keep evidence and keep your nerve - dont give her anything to use against you...


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Steve85] #2905821
10/15/20 12:25 PM
10/15/20 12:25 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
Originally Posted by Steve85
Holy crap. It never occurred to me that she ACTUALLY lived there, Wolfman. Wow, not only did you go against advice and start dating, but then you moved in a live-in GF? Wow, you really went all in.

Good luck, I have a feeling the breakup is going to be a messy one.


Yeah my loneliness took over. I was so afraid of being alone. It was a mistake. We were dating 8 months when she moved in. I didn’t listen to the advice on here and made a huge mistake. Let this be a lesson to the people who come on here and try to patch up their “holes” in themself with dating another person. I would have been real hard at first, but I wouldn’t be in this situation right now. I have no one to blame but myself.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: may22] #2905823
10/15/20 12:30 PM
10/15/20 12:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Posts: 541
Originally Posted by may22
The pregnant part doesn't help. Does she have any other support system, family, etc.? .


Before she moved in she lived with her parents. Her and her mom do not get along. Her parents barely speak to one another(they still are married and live together). She doesn’t talk to her brother or sister either. She only has 2 close friends. So not a big support system.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2905825
10/15/20 01:20 PM
10/15/20 01:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 7,878
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 7,878
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Originally Posted by may22
The pregnant part doesn't help. Does she have any other support system, family, etc.? .


Before she moved in she lived with her parents. Her and her mom do not get along. Her parents barely speak to one another(they still are married and live together). She doesn’t talk to her brother or sister either. She only has 2 close friends. So not a big support system.


So she saw you as her escape plan.............


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2905829
10/15/20 02:13 PM
10/15/20 02:13 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,098
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,098
Oh man, I didn't realize she was pregnant with your child. I'm sure you mentioned it before but my time on the forums has been very limited for the last few months so I'm not fully up on most of the stories. I can certainly understand your conundrum, you want her to be safe and healthy for the baby but the longer she's there the harder it will be to get her out. Here in TX if they are in your house long enough then you are considered common-law married and getting her out would involve divorce proceedings and splitting YOUR assets with her.

After BD I started dating this young lady and after a few months her lease was up and when she went to renew it (the day before it was to expire!) they told her they would not because she had a pit bull which was against their lease. She was in a panic because she couldn't find a new place by the next day so I offered to let her stay at my place a couple of weeks until she could get a new place sorted out. OH MAN was that a mistake. She made zero effort to find a new place. She had a moving business but completely quit working claiming the economy was bad (it wasn't). I would absolutely cringe when I came home from work and saw her car sitting in the drive, and sure enough I would walk in and there she is in one of the recliners watching TV having just woke up at 5 PM!!!!! Usually high as a kite. It all came to a head when I came home one day and we got into an argument about something and she ran to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, went back to the living room and cut a gash in her arm in front of me. I immediately grabbed my phone to call 911 and she freaked out, told me to hang up and she would leave. And she did. I don't think I've ever been so relieved in my life.

I share this with you because if your GF is like she was, then she is intentionally taking advantage of you. You need to protect yourself first and foremost, because take it from me, the crazy train just keeps moving faster towards that collapsed bridge up ahead.


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2905830
10/15/20 02:13 PM
10/15/20 02:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 871
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Rose888 Offline
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Rose888  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 871
Wolf, you don’t need help from the board. You need professional help from a lawyer and a counselor.


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Ready2Change] #2905833
10/15/20 03:18 PM
10/15/20 03:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,701
Colorado
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Ready2Change Offline
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Ready2Change  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,701
Colorado
Originally Posted by Rose888
Wolf, you don’t need help from the board. You need professional help from a lawyer and a counselor.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Do this:
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Hi Wolf,

Be the leader.

Get into couple therapy with her. Find 3 or 4 in your area and both of you go interview them. Jointly pick one.

We all have issues. The people in our lives are there to point them out to us and help us fix them.


You can handle this.




Wolf, do you understand why we are recommending this?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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