i think, love, that you are really angry at yourself. i get it, and that's ok. feel the anger, then let it go so forgiveness can come in. pax, you're on a journey towards forgiving yourself. you didn't know what you didn't know. you believed what you believed in innocence and because of your own pure and true heart. there is nothing there to be ashamed of or to feel anything negative about. your pure and true heart are beautiful graces that you were born with. they help make you the unique and lovely soul that you are.
you are very strong dearest and will come through shining and bright. I believe in you. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Hello hello. Popping in to unload some thoughts. My saga will soon come to and end and I’m exhausted by the stress and excitement of it all. I can feel the toll it’s taking.
Interesting, after 5 years, I finally shared the whole story with my family last night. They knew bits and pieces but I never gave them the whole picture all at once. There were many things I left out over the years. But, I’m so far out now that I can share my experience and all those details that I’ve kept quiet. In the past, I was too emotional about it, it was really hard to talk about. Even today, I have such an emotional hangover after reliving the sitch last night. It’s just so weird.
I keep having dreams that my ex is trying to murder me. Uhhhhhh that’s not good! I’ve had 3 in the last 2 weeks. I know it’s because of what I’m up against but It’s still hard.
In each dream, he comes off as totally calm, collected, but he keeps trapping me. It’s like no matter what I do, he masterminds the whole thing so I am stuck no matter what I do. And he keeps telling me that I am doing this to myself. It’s like one of those “Saw” movies. I know there’s some psychology there I need to unpack but I’m too tired haha
As mentioned, this whole process is taking its toll. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Regardless of what happens, I will be free soon. Just typing that brings tears to my eyes. I’ll finally be free.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Hello there! Been a while! I’m divorced as of a few weeks ago! Well, I’m still waiting for the paperwork from his side so who knows when that will be.
We ended up settling right before trial. I left a ton on the table. But I couldn’t do it anymore. They were going to destroy me in court. He had fake testimony drawn up. We were going to have it thrown out but his family actually wrote fake testimony to explain where his money (and our money) went missing. And to declare that he owed them money which explains why he “lost” a bunch 2 days before we separated and cleared the accounts.
You would not even believe the bs this guy pulled. If I had a dark bone in my body I would be calling the feds. But I have no desire to waste even two seconds thinking about him.
Evil evil evil.
But I am free! And I’m good. I did not get a fair settlement. I learned a lot in the process. For example- I went in 50/50 because I felt that was fair. He went in 100-0. So really the only way to negotiate was to go down to his level which was a far cry from 50/50. And i only went 50/50 on appropriate items like house equity, savings accounts, etc.
So financially, does it pay off to be fair? nope.
Is my heart totally clear and my integrity in tact? you betcha. I have zero remorse over my stance.
Nope I won’t have a down payment on a condo, and I’ll be paying legal debt for while, but I can sleep at night.
The ex on the other hand, seems a bit in turmoil. He maintains his stance that I am the devil. Meanwhile, he got the financial sweet end of the stick. Which is what he wanted.
Good riddance.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Oh one more thing... When I got his briefs and witness testimony, I think it hit me that I might be in a dangerous situation. I mean if this guy would go to these lengths not to lose, imagine what he would do if the judge ruled in my favor on anything. I actually got nervous for my safety. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am/was scared for my life.... but if you’re willing to go to these lengths... when will it end?? When I’m dead? When you destroy me in some other capacity?
I’m being serious. I think my story evolved way beyond MLC several years ago...
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Ugh Pax… finally!! Hard to believe it is almost 5 years ago to the day that you joined the forum and this chapter is closing for you now. I am so grateful that I was able to follow your journey. You were there for me every step of the way and I tried to reciprocate. This news makes me very happy for you.
I know you came here to try and save your marriage, but I truly believe this is a way better out come for you. I think you will have a better and more fulfilling life without him. I remember reading back in newcomers and marveling at how much you focused on using that gift of time to learn about yourself and relationships. I hope it gave you a super clear picture of exactly what you want in future relationships. You really embraced that time like few others. I remember all your activities…. Half marathons, full marathons, Mt Whitney, triathlons, humanitarian medical missions, body building competition, personal development the list goes on and on. I hope you can take some time and reflect back on how far you have come. You are a special person, do not forget that. Any man will be lucky to have you. Congrats Pax!
I am happy you are clear of such an evil horrible situation. Yes, the lengths some of these people go to are incredible. Wonderful to read you are free of him, finally.
And yeah, being able to sleep at night is worth a lot!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Congratulations for getting it all done and over with. Although you did not get what you deserved, at least you can move on now. Sky’s the limit Pax!!! (((HUGS)))
Congratulations on your freedom. And trust your gut. Cut all ties with ex and give him no response of any kind to anything. I think your instinct that he’s some kind of dark triad pathological is correct. Get far far away from that. Go towards a joyful life.
