harvey, I would qualify you as the exception, not the rule, though. Most people need time to recover, heal, improve and get themselves ready to move forward with someone else. I think very few people do that that and that is why the divorce stats look like this:
- 1st marriages ending in D: 40-50% - 2nd marriages ending in D: 60-70% - 3rd marriages ending in D: 70-80%
Most people do not want to be alone so they jump at the next thing that comes along. But those numbers above are sobering numbers. The best way to trend towards the % that stays married is to put in the work necessary to heal and improve. Learn and grow. Rather than just want sex and to have that itch scratched. I feel sex is a big reason people jump to marriage #2...AND THEN #3......and so on.
Steve, those are very sobering statistics. I wanted the probability of my first marriage ending to be 0%, and I feel the same way about, someday in the future, my second. I'd rather stay single than go through the pain of failure again.
At the very least, rest assured that I understand the fundamental weakness of men in general, that they mistake intense sex for love, not realizing that the intense sex always diminishes, leaving them with nothing but an empty relationship.
Amazingly well said tom! I will be adding your last sentence to R2C's quotes thread! Hear hear!
Well there is a corollary to that, which I've heard of, please confirm if true. Divorced women are motivated to remarry and are prone to the same mistake; in their case their sex drive goes into hyperdrive in order to snare a man, even past age 50 or 60. Once the vows are taken, however, life returns to normal, and the fellow wonders why she doesn't love him as much anymore. Because a woman's natural state, especially past children and age 40, is not a sex drive in hyperdrive. I've only heard this from others; is it true to an extent, or a stereotype?
If true, the lesson here to men at least is this. When you're ready for relationships, understand the difference between sex and love. Focus on the non-sexual issues of a relationship with a new woman and be aware that the physical side might well blind you to the rest and cloud the clarity of your thinking.
Not sure I concur. From the reading I've done, for a lot of women, 45+ is when their sexual desire really kicks into overdrive. I've read about mothers who couldn't stand to be around their son's friends because they were so sexually attracted to them. I've read here that for some women around 50, they get into pornography and it is electric to them! (I saw one source claim the fastest growing segment of porn addiction was late young adult and midlife aged women.)
Now, it is a natural progression of relationships that once a woman is more "secure" in the relationship, her compulsion to have sex is reduced. Men, who attached feelings of love and sex find that confusing since we take it that she no longer loves us.
But your last paragraph still stands. Men need to realize that a R built solely on sex will likely not last if you end up going through with the marriage.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Last edited by job; 10/10/2010:00 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
