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Originally Posted by Wolfman
That was one of my biggest problems. Being alone, everyone said get use to it but I was so fearful. I was having massive panic attacks way back. At first the limerance was great (of course) with my GF, I felt like I found someone, someone who I could love and love me back. But I was so broken and fearful I ignored the warning signs a few months back. My fear and selfishness put me in a real situation now. I just want to work on my relationship with my kids, I need to work on myself and figuring out what I want in life. My divorce made me panic about my life and my future, yet everyone warned me what to do and how to move forward. I let my anxiety control me, I wasnít in control of my anxiety. Honestly Iím still not, I am a lot better but I still have a long way to go.


Were you ever in IC? If not it is never too late.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
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I was for over a year. It helped a little to bring some things to light. But I felt it was more of me just talking and her listening. She didnít really give me ways to cope with what I was feeling. I was having severe panic attacks and anxiety and she never offered anything to help me overcome that. Other than maybe I should
Go on meds. I did for about a year but I did not like the side effects. So I took myself off. I should have tried someone else. I need so much help. I am trying to get it from here now, and by reading a lot.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
I was for over a year. It helped a little to bring some things to light. But I felt it was more of me just talking and her listening. She didnít really give me ways to cope with what I was feeling. I was having severe panic attacks and anxiety and she never offered anything to help me overcome that. Other than maybe I should
Go on meds. I did for about a year but I did not like the side effects. So I took myself off. I should have tried someone else. I need so much help. I am trying to get it from here now, and by reading a lot.


So, you just stopped IC all together? ICs are like cars, if the one you have isn't working get rid of it and get another.

You need IC.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
That was one of my biggest problems. Being alone, everyone said get use to it but I was so fearful. I was having massive panic attacks way back. At first the limerance was great (of course) with my GF, I felt like I found someone, someone who I could love and love me back. But I was so broken and fearful I ignored the warning signs a few months back. My fear and selfishness put me in a real situation now. I just want to work on my relationship with my kids, I need to work on myself and figuring out what I want in life. My divorce made me panic about my life and my future, yet everyone warned me what to do and how to move forward. I let my anxiety control me, I wasnít in control of my anxiety. Honestly Iím still not, I am a lot better but I still have a long way to go.


WM, Sorry you are going through this...

But THIS ^^^ is what every LBS spouse who bangs on about dating 3 months after a seperation needs to read / be shown.. Then they need to read and re read.. and reflect on. Its a quick fix, ( at the time ) - but its rarely a fix and leads to these issues further down the line. Its probably not what they want to read, but it is gold - dating while broken equals further issues. !

You hit the nail on the head, with the selfishness - (i'm not having a go, as i'm sure you are beating yourself up enough over this ) - We all know how selfish the WW / WH can be - When kids are involved, LBS needs to focus on themselves and the kids - Not the dating pool etc.. Chances are that the WW is so self absorbed in their own new world, the LBS needs to show the children he / she is there rock, regardless of the WW / WH actions..

You have a lot of work to do wolf - on yourself and on working on proving yourself to the children.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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The hardest thing lately in my life is the anxiety. I just feel so anxious all the time. I havenít had a good nights sleep in months. This whole feeling is terrible. I will need to go back to IC but with a new person. I wish I would have healed first. I will be here a lot like I said jus looking for support. I donít have much outside of here.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
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Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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IC got me through the anxiety.

Last edited by Steve85; 10/07/20 01:37 PM.

M(52), W(53),D(17)
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Originally Posted by Steve85
IC got me through the anxiety.


My GF got me through it, until this problem came up. Lol . My IC was not good. I need to find one who specializes in divorce.

Steve do you still have anxiety? Because it seems like your sit is so much better. You didnít get divorced.


M:42 XW:41
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D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Steveís IC didnít get him through it. His IC gave him the tools to get him through it.

Your GF didnít get you through your anxiety, she just masked it.

Only you can get you through your anxiety . You just need the tools and guidance to help yourself

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Originally Posted by Ginger1

Your GF didnít get you through your anxiety, she just masked it.

I know she didnít I was just joking. I have a lot of work to do here. This is definitely a marathon. When I first came here over a year ago. I was hoping for a sprint, but never happened.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Ditto to Gingerís post.

I donít think you need to find an IC that specializes in divorce. You need one that can help you build a toolkit to respond to stress. Itís less important what is causing the stress.

An IC isnít going to change your situation. Itís going to help you change, and that might change your situation.


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
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