Midlife wife crisis 15

[Mumin]

Agree with rose and core.
Also, is prenup out of the question?

[Wolfman]

I mentioned a prenup and she didn’t want to hear it. I would need a prenup. I am not ready for this. I was so stupid to let this happen. I am so stressed. I got in over my head, that’s for sure.

[Mumin]

Stand your ground, you don't HAVE to do ANYTHING.

[MrBrside]

WM,

I have made multiple comments on multiple posters about the dangers of dating / relationships until you sort your own *&^%& out.. You fall well into that catagory - you ignored them little red flags, and now you are in a situation 10 times worse.

Get your I*^& together, man up and lay down how this will play out - and do not back down from that plan.

Priority 1 - You already have children. You need to sort the existing issues out with them and build this relationship - not with talk or hollow words. Actions... And you start today - quit the "oh i'm confused and im lost BS! - You are a man, a father and you need to own your *&%&.. Not sitting there feeling all confused and wo is me.
Priority 2 - GF / Ex GF or whatever you want to call her is bad news.. She probably saw the writing on the wall with these arguments and decided to trap you - Stand by your conviction and walk - keep walking.. When / if your child to this woman is born, you be the best dad you can be to that child as well - Your priority is being a good father - Leave the whole relationship thing behind for a while..Focus on kids - existing and this new child - You do not need to be with this woman to be a good dad.
Priority 3 - Sort your *&^* - Get comfortable with being alone for a while - Either alone, or with your children..

You are in a pickle.. Step back, breathe and tackle it rationally - pre nups and marriage to somebody you dont love - WTF - like seriously - All messed up, but only you can control the outcome that is best for you !

[Wolfman]

Mumin and Mr. thank you for the comments. I am going to stand my ground, and actually want to be alone. I am starting to feel comfortable being alone. You all were so right about waiting to get into a relationship. I really thought it was great, I thought I was going have this new amazing life with this woman. Instead I put myself in a deeper whole with more stress and problems.
Mr. you mentioned in priority 1 to work on my relationship with my kids. I do everyday, with actions. That’s why I am taking my ex to court to fight for my kids. My ex has stopped my d from coming with me. Now my s is heading down that path. So I am not going to threaten or bully but use the courts to iron it out. When you say actions what else do you mean? I ask because I call my kids every night to say good night to them. When I have them I make sure they have my undivided attention. What else is there? I take them to all kinds of places, dinner, zip lining, trampoline park, parks, theme parks. I am trying everything. At my home with my s we do game night and movie night. So I am trying. Shoot one day I took my d for daddy daughter pedicure.

[MrBrside]

When you say actions what else do you mean? I ask because I call my kids every night to say good night to them. When I have them I make sure they have my undivided attention. What else is there? I take them to all kinds of places, dinner, zip lining, trampoline park, parks, theme parks. I am trying everything. At my home with my s we do game night and movie night. So I am trying. Shoot one day I took my d for daddy daughter pedicure.

I just commented on Mummins post about this.. and it looks like you are making waves..

Me and my children do a lot - we make a lot of memories and the children love it - its not about spending loads of money - they can enjoy quality time with you, without it costing a fortune... But it is about the memories and quality time... I have noticed a lot of parents ( on the beach, at the park etc ) take the children and think thats it - box ticked - "im a good parent becuase i bring them to the park" - Yet just ignore the kids for an hour while they sit on a bench on their phone.


Personal take on this is that you have lost your daughters respect and probably trust.. Without being harsh, you didnt step up when they needed you most ( after seperation ) and your attention was elsewhere ( crazy GF / ex GF ) .. The kids probably has massive trust and resentment issues towards you, and it will take a long time to break these down - and you do it by proving that your are the dad they need.
I see it from the other side, and my WW has been a terrible mother to the girls. My eldest is old enough to see it, and doesnt trust her mother, let alone respect her. Even when WW tries to do something positive, my eldest doesnt really want to know - as her actions are so few and far between that for every 1 good think she has done, there are 10 negatives that the kids relate to..
You need to work on making sure there are no negatives - and give it time.. lots of time.. hopefully you can work on the damage - but a court case may not change it - You should have stepped up on the mark the day you seperated - not months and months later, when you finally realised..
And if you do get them back, keep it that way - dont give them another reason to push you away ( ie you fall for another female )

[SteveLW]

Oh boy, just catching up here. Wow.

Wolf, my best advice is to not try to fix this mistake by making a bigger mistake: marrying her. Sorry to be blunt, but I've personally witnessed several couples that got pregnant, then got engaged. The D rate in that situation is around 80%. And the vast majority of the other 20% are very troubled marriages.

Do not rush to any decisions right now. You have time.

[Wolfman]

Mr. I agree with what you said about how we spend it. I do take them to the park and I push them on the swings even though they are old do races, play tag. I make it a point to NOT BE ON MY PHONE when I am with them. That is precious time that I do not want to waste. My son and I will do things my daughter usually does not. Again I know the age is rough too (she is 13). I am such a fool for not listening to the advice here. I should have just stayed single and worked on myself. I love my kids and miss what we had!!!

[Ready2Change]

WM,

I have made multiple comments on multiple posters about the dangers of dating / relationships until you sort your own *&^%& out.. You fall well into that catagory - you ignored them little red flags, and now you are in a situation 10 times worse.

Get your I*^& together, man up and lay down how this will play out - and do not back down from that plan.

Priority 1 - You already have children. You need to sort the existing issues out with them and build this relationship - not with talk or hollow words. Actions... And you start today - quit the "oh i'm confused and im lost BS! - You are a man, a father and you need to own your *&%&.. Not sitting there feeling all confused and wo is me.
Priority 2 - GF / Ex GF or whatever you want to call her is bad news.. She probably saw the writing on the wall with these arguments and decided to trap you - Stand by your conviction and walk - keep walking.. When / if your child to this woman is born, you be the best dad you can be to that child as well - Your priority is being a good father - Leave the whole relationship thing behind for a while..Focus on kids - existing and this new child - You do not need to be with this woman to be a good dad.
Priority 3 - Sort your *&^* - Get comfortable with being alone for a while - Either alone, or with your children..

You are in a pickle.. Step back, breathe and tackle it rationally - pre nups and marriage to somebody you dont love - WTF - like seriously - All messed up, but only you can control the outcome that is best for you !

^^^THIS^^^^

[Wolfman]

That was one of my biggest problems. Being alone, everyone said get use to it but I was so fearful. I was having massive panic attacks way back. At first the limerance was great (of course) with my GF, I felt like I found someone, someone who I could love and love me back. But I was so broken and fearful I ignored the warning signs a few months back. My fear and selfishness put me in a real situation now. I just want to work on my relationship with my kids, I need to work on myself and figuring out what I want in life. My divorce made me panic about my life and my future, yet everyone warned me what to do and how to move forward. I let my anxiety control me, I wasn’t in control of my anxiety. Honestly I’m still not, I am a lot better but I still have a long way to go.