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#2904821 09/30/20 08:47 PM
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Wolfman Offline OP
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2904781&page=11

That is the previous thread.

Job you closed out the other thread, can you please link them together. Thanks

Last edited by Wolfman; 09/30/20 08:48 PM.

M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 703
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So there are many things that I would like to change and have been.
1. When I have a disagreement with my GF is to validate and not raise my voice. I can’t help it I am Italian. Lol Seriously though, try to stay calm even when the other person is yelling at me.
2. I have learned from here that a person’s feelings is their feelings and I don’t have right to tell them what they are feeling is wrong, ridiculous, makes no sense. That is how they feel in that moment and it is my job to understand and validate those feelings. Not easy for me but I am working on it.
3. Do I want to be right or happy? Instead of always trying to prove my point, just let it go and put my pride to the side and be happy.
4. Really try to express how I feel and how something is making me feel instead of just bottling it up or expect the other person to just know how I feel.
5. Most important, just learn to be happy no matter what life throws at you. These last 2 years have been the hardest years of my life, literally. I am always trying to find little bits of positive and happiness. It’s not easy, it takes work but it’s worth it.
Later I will post something that will be so important to the newbies. It took me 2 years to learn, understand and make sense of how I got here.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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job Offline
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Wolfman,

If I close out your previous thread and advise you to link it to your new thread, I will come around and link your new thread to the old one...no need to ask me to do it...I will take care of it.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Wolfman Offline OP
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yesterday was my first day alone. Something I was so fearful of. Fearful of just being alone. Honestly, it wasn’t bad. It was nice and peaceful and nice not having to answer to anyone or worried about the other person and if I need to help them. First day of growth. It feels good. 2 years later and finally it feel like I won’t die. It’s so true the one thread, we won’t die. 2 years to get here, 1.5 years of therapy, panic attacks, lack of sleep, depression and thinking of suicide, I am finally finding myself. I share this because I never thought I would get here. I thank all of you for being here, I thank all of you for not giving up on me. I hope I can offer advice to the newbies.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,309
Likes: 283
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I don't think many of us (myself included) stay single long enough after getting divorced. How long do you think you should be single? I believe there is a difference from being "alone" and being "single". I was alone for a very short time period, maybe a month, until I built up my new friend base. I was single for less than 2 years.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change

I don't think many of us (myself included) stay single long enough after getting divorced. How long do you think you should be single? I believe there is a difference from being "alone" and being "single". I was alone for a very short time period, maybe a month, until I built up my new friend base. I was single for less than 2 years.



I am glad that you were able to find people quickly. It just really stinks for me, all of my buddies are married now and have kids. So, it’s real hard to find people to hang out with. I was never really alone, I was going on dates pretty quickly. Nothing serious, just felt good to get out there. But I really have no single guy friends. So, I will be alone most of the time. It would be nice to have a buddy to grab a beer with. I guess I will be watching a lot of movies. We shall see. It’s amazing how much a persons life can change in 2 years.

Not going to lie, I wish I could meet some of the people on here and grab a beer with them. There are many of you that have been wonderful and helpful.

Last edited by Wolfman; 10/02/20 01:19 PM.

M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,681
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Meetup.com

Talk to guys at the gym

Join some sports leagues or bike clubs or duck clubs. Lots of guys at those places.

Also, in my sitch, I would go out alone and make new friends (guys and girls). Chicks liked that I'd dock my boat solo and I'd smile and have a good time and they'd walk up to me. Just dress well and have a subtle smile like you're the happiest guy in the world. They'll come to you. Enjoy the game and take the pressure off yourself.

Too bad you're in New Yawk otherwise I'd be glad to share a beer.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Umm... My girlfriend or the person I just broke up with told me she is pregnant. I am in panic mode. She was complaining of being crampy and tired. I thought it was her period. Boy did my life just change in 1 day!!! I feel like passing out. I am going to need a lot of help. HELP!!!


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,309
Likes: 283
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Hi Wolf,

Be the leader.

Get into couple therapy with her. Find 3 or 4 in your area and both of you go interview them. Jointly pick one.

We all have issues. The people in our lives are there to point them out to us and help us fix them.


You can handle this.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Did you see the pregnancy test ?

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