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A Message from Michele
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Midlife wife crisis 15 #2904821
09/30/20 08:47 PM
09/30/20 08:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2904781&page=11

That is the previous thread.

Job you closed out the other thread, can you please link them together. Thanks

Last edited by Wolfman; 09/30/20 08:48 PM.

M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2904823
09/30/20 08:56 PM
09/30/20 08:56 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
So there are many things that I would like to change and have been.
1. When I have a disagreement with my GF is to validate and not raise my voice. I canít help it I am Italian. Lol Seriously though, try to stay calm even when the other person is yelling at me.
2. I have learned from here that a personís feelings is their feelings and I donít have right to tell them what they are feeling is wrong, ridiculous, makes no sense. That is how they feel in that moment and it is my job to understand and validate those feelings. Not easy for me but I am working on it.
3. Do I want to be right or happy? Instead of always trying to prove my point, just let it go and put my pride to the side and be happy.
4. Really try to express how I feel and how something is making me feel instead of just bottling it up or expect the other person to just know how I feel.
5. Most important, just learn to be happy no matter what life throws at you. These last 2 years have been the hardest years of my life, literally. I am always trying to find little bits of positive and happiness. Itís not easy, it takes work but itís worth it.
Later I will post something that will be so important to the newbies. It took me 2 years to learn, understand and make sense of how I got here.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2904830
09/30/20 10:15 PM
09/30/20 10:15 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,711
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,711
Southern Maryland
Wolfman,

If I close out your previous thread and advise you to link it to your new thread, I will come around and link your new thread to the old one...no need to ask me to do it...I will take care of it.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2904851
10/01/20 12:51 PM
10/01/20 12:51 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
yesterday was my first day alone. Something I was so fearful of. Fearful of just being alone. Honestly, it wasnít bad. It was nice and peaceful and nice not having to answer to anyone or worried about the other person and if I need to help them. First day of growth. It feels good. 2 years later and finally it feel like I wonít die. Itís so true the one thread, we wonít die. 2 years to get here, 1.5 years of therapy, panic attacks, lack of sleep, depression and thinking of suicide, I am finally finding myself. I share this because I never thought I would get here. I thank all of you for being here, I thank all of you for not giving up on me. I hope I can offer advice to the newbies.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2904863
10/01/20 06:04 PM
10/01/20 06:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,701
Colorado
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Ready2Change Offline
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Ready2Change  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,701
Colorado

I don't think many of us (myself included) stay single long enough after getting divorced. How long do you think you should be single? I believe there is a difference from being "alone" and being "single". I was alone for a very short time period, maybe a month, until I built up my new friend base. I was single for less than 2 years.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Ready2Change] #2904886
10/02/20 01:17 PM
10/02/20 01:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
Originally Posted by Ready2Change

I don't think many of us (myself included) stay single long enough after getting divorced. How long do you think you should be single? I believe there is a difference from being "alone" and being "single". I was alone for a very short time period, maybe a month, until I built up my new friend base. I was single for less than 2 years.



I am glad that you were able to find people quickly. It just really stinks for me, all of my buddies are married now and have kids. So, itís real hard to find people to hang out with. I was never really alone, I was going on dates pretty quickly. Nothing serious, just felt good to get out there. But I really have no single guy friends. So, I will be alone most of the time. It would be nice to have a buddy to grab a beer with. I guess I will be watching a lot of movies. We shall see. Itís amazing how much a persons life can change in 2 years.

Not going to lie, I wish I could meet some of the people on here and grab a beer with them. There are many of you that have been wonderful and helpful.

Last edited by Wolfman; 10/02/20 01:19 PM.

M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2904889
10/02/20 02:17 PM
10/02/20 02:17 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,499
Missouruh
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ovrrnbw Offline
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,499
Missouruh
Meetup.com

Talk to guys at the gym

Join some sports leagues or bike clubs or duck clubs. Lots of guys at those places.

Also, in my sitch, I would go out alone and make new friends (guys and girls). Chicks liked that I'd dock my boat solo and I'd smile and have a good time and they'd walk up to me. Just dress well and have a subtle smile like you're the happiest guy in the world. They'll come to you. Enjoy the game and take the pressure off yourself.

Too bad you're in New Yawk otherwise I'd be glad to share a beer.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2904896
10/02/20 03:42 PM
10/02/20 03:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wolfman  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 541
Umm... My girlfriend or the person I just broke up with told me she is pregnant. I am in panic mode. She was complaining of being crampy and tired. I thought it was her period. Boy did my life just change in 1 day!!! I feel like passing out. I am going to need a lot of help. HELP!!!


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2904907
10/02/20 06:44 PM
10/02/20 06:44 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,701
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline
Member
Ready2Change  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,701
Colorado
Hi Wolf,

Be the leader.

Get into couple therapy with her. Find 3 or 4 in your area and both of you go interview them. Jointly pick one.

We all have issues. The people in our lives are there to point them out to us and help us fix them.


You can handle this.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Midlife wife crisis 15 [Re: Wolfman] #2904912
10/02/20 07:20 PM
10/02/20 07:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,374
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Ginger1 Online
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Ginger1  Online
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Posts: 5,374
Did you see the pregnancy test ?

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