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Sounds like you are doing really well NZ.
The kids are really the ones these sitches should be about. You sound like a good father!
I wouldn’t have said “ be good for mummy”. Mommy loves u is better.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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NZkiwi Offline OP
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Selling the house is becoming closer by the day.

W had a valuation on the house and land she said that we needed to have a small piece of the landscaped.
I got some quotes as gardening is not my thing. Sent them to W and got a reply to just put topsoil down and that was it. I'm no gardener but that would not be enough or nice to look at.

I replied saying that it needs plants and that it will add appeal and possibly more $$$.

She later agreed but said that she doesn't have "access" to money and that it should come out of her part of the sale.
1. what does access mean?
2. I know for a fact she has a lot in savings?

But I have been trying more to validate more and i emailed back and said that's understandable. W replied saying "thanks for understanding"

Is she bread crumbing or testing?

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N,

No. She’s taking care of business and moving on. You should consider yourself lucky you have a decent soon STBXW. She doesn’t hate you she just doesn’t want to be married anymore. Go read Steve’s thread and see what kind of STBXW he has on his plate.

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NZkiwi Offline OP
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Thanks LH.

Steve has a much tougher road than me but i know if he continues to reach out to all on the board he will be fine.

That definitely is the case.

I had another really good week with S3. We had a lot of fun and he enjoyed our time together.

Friday evening I received a phone call out of the blue from W's best friend. We are mutual friends and have similar aged children to our S3.

We talked all about W, she and her husband are very confused with our sitch and W's actions. It was an interesting conversation where she told me she has tried to talk to W to understand what is happening and was meet with "I don't want to talk about it". She also said that W has not talked to her family about our sitch either. She also said that W has changed.

FYI I haven't seen or heard from any of my W's friends until now.

While this is very surprising, it doesn't change anything. I continue to GAL by enjoying the gym, exercise and also catching up with friends. IC has also been going well.

Not looking forward to this coming Saturday. It would be our 5th wedding anniversary.

How did everyone cope with what would have been an anniversary?

Last edited by NZkiwi; 11/23/20 06:47 AM.
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GAL like crazy that day! Make a plan for the whole day. Maybe have dinner with friends?
Do not acknowledge the day to W.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
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N,

So your W doesn’t want to talk about it because logically there is nothing to say. Unless your an abusive a-hole she knows the right thing to do is to work on the marriage. The problem is her emotions are what are driving her decisions. The feel good chemicals she is getting from om. Like a drug addict you have to through all logic out the window.

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Originally Posted by NZkiwi
Thanks LH.

Steve has a much tougher road than me but i know if he continues to reach out to all on the board he will be fine.

That definitely is the case.

I had another really good week with S3. We had a lot of fun and he enjoyed our time together.

Friday evening I received a phone call out of the blue from W's best friend. We are mutual friends and have similar aged children to our S3.

We talked all about W, she and her husband are very confused with our sitch and W's actions. It was an interesting conversation where she told me she has tried to talk to W to understand what is happening and was meet with "I don't want to talk about it". She also said that W has not talked to her family about our sitch either. She also said that W has changed.

FYI I haven't seen or heard from any of my W's friends until now.

While this is very surprising, it doesn't change anything. I continue to GAL by enjoying the gym, exercise and also catching up with friends. IC has also been going well.

Not looking forward to this coming Saturday. It would be our 5th wedding anniversary.

How did everyone cope with what would have been an anniversary?


"I don't want to talk about it"

You're W is better at this than you are. Because that is exactly what you should have said to this "mutual" friend. My guess, you wanted information. That you wanted to know if your W had talked to her family about your sitch. Etc. So let me ask you NZ, is that being attached or detached?

Next time a mutual friend calls and says wants to talk about your W, say "I don't want to talk about it, but I am willing to discuss how I am doing!" And then talk about how awesome your time with S3 is. How you've been staying busy. And how you've been work on yourself to be the best you can be. FOCUS OFF HER AND ONTO YOU!

As far as Saturday, do you have S3 or not? If not then go out and have yourself a nice dinner. Either with a friend or by yourself. If these idiotic COVID lockdowns are in place where you are then order it in. But celebrate being a happy, healthy, whole individual. Your MR is over so it isn't a true anniversary anymore. Whatever you do, do not reach out to her.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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NZkiwi Offline OP
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Thanks LH/Mumin/Steve85.


I know I have to work more on redirecting conversations about W to how I am doing. And as time has past and NC I know I am doing a lot better.

Saturday went well. I GAL like crazy.

I did some shopping for S3 and went to the gym and then was invited by one of my best friends who was also my groomsman and his D1 on a afternoon out and walked a really great walk to a peak over looking our area. It was a beautiful day for it.
Then i went out to dinner with some other friends, and watched some live rugby on TV to end a really great day.

It really felt like any other Saturday, I had a few thoughts of the day (which i is completely normal) but never talked about my sitch it with anyone.

And the best and proudest thing is that I did not even consider reaching out to W.

LH- No abuse at all. I'm the total opposite, possibly even suffering from NGS.

Steve85 - I didn't have S3 and thankfully here in NZ we are not in lock down which helped me.

Picking up S3 tomorrow and really looking forward to having hime and especially Tuesday (December 1st) to start my and S3 new tradition of decorating our Xmas tree and house together.

I continue to read others sitches and learn. I am not much of a poster as I feel like I'm relatively new here.

Thank you all again for you advise and guidance.

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Vent and journal time

The house is going on the market this weekend. It’s a very surreal feeling.

My W was the one pushing to sell the house. She contacted an agent and tried to hurry it along. Thankfully the agent did not push me. Which is not normal for agents lol.
I contacted the agent and another agent a few weeks ago for valuations. Finally I feel that it is the right time to sell and to move on to the next chapter of my life with S3.
This next step is what I need to detach further.

The agent came to sign papers and asked to get the process going. This agent has been working as a go between with W and I on the paperwork.
The agent explained that the photos would be done today and that the first open hone would be this weekend. All fine by me.
I receive a text from W “I can help tidy the place up on Wednesday and Thursday.” Statement right! So I reply back with thumbs up emoji expecting her to text back saying a time.

Nothing.

I went back to NC.

I wasn’t going to chase her and ask for her help.

I clean the house after Christmas decorations and tree are put up with the help of S3 knowing full well W wouldn’t turn up.

No stress to me, I wanted the house tidy for myself and S3 and so we can move on, it’s got me excited to house hunt now, I was actually glad she didn’t turn up.
Photos were today and the agent said that the house looked great!!

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N,

I want to pop in and say I think you are doing a really good job and just keeping move forward. Everything else will work itself out.

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