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A Message from Michele
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Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904508
09/25/20 11:04 PM
09/25/20 11:04 PM
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kml Offline OP
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Not great news on CMMs PET scan today, but not terrible. He has a a new bony metastasis in his humerus, so hell go back to radiation therapy for that. Activity again in his lung tumors, although not too much growth, so hell be going back on chemo too. Not unexpected but sobering.

Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904527
09/26/20 03:01 PM
09/26/20 03:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
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Southern Maryland
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I am so very sorry to read that his scan wasn't the greatest news. I pray that he can tolerate the radiation therapy and continue to fight this awful disease.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904540
09/26/20 07:14 PM
09/26/20 07:14 PM
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The radiation therapy to the arm should be easy, hes had much bigger bones irradiated in the past, no problem. My bigger worry is whether the chemo will work again this time.

He happened to get a flu shot in that arm a week ago and hed been complaining of it hurting ever since - my guess is the immune reaction to the shot kinda woke up his immune system to notice the cancer was there. Or chance.

Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904555
09/27/20 01:39 AM
09/27/20 01:39 AM
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Massachusetts
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frown prayers that this new treatment helps


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904557
09/27/20 01:54 AM
09/27/20 01:54 AM
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Im so sorry the news was not good news. I hope his next course of treatment brings positive results

Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904615
09/28/20 12:36 PM
09/28/20 12:36 PM
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Australia
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I too am sorry to hear the news re CMM was sobering. I also think he probably has done a lot of thinking about how things will play out, and I am glad he's trying to do what he can now. I smiled when I realised he's just not the sort of person that tolerates owing anybody anything. I think there might be a few of us on this board who can empathise with him.

Re the asset split for the kids - maybe you could ask the oldest one if he'd agree to a valuation when the time comes, then for him to pay out the other two their shares after the 401 split has been done. That way your oldest won't be obliged to house anybody and the other two will be free to purchase whatever they want.

Like you, I have the problem of XH's OW being closer in age to my children than himself. I very much doubt my children will inherit much of value from him. I absolutely understand how much you want to be able to give your children just a bit of help when you're gone.


Me:55 H:55
S:22 S:20
M:24 T:26
BD:Aug 15
D:Sep 17
Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904683
09/28/20 08:09 PM
09/28/20 08:09 PM
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The oldest wont get enough money to buy the other two out -1/3 of the retirement savings is equal to 1/3 of the house equity, so hed have to take out a loan for the rest which would be difficult on his salary, not to mention property taxes and maintenance.

I think some arrangement for him to live in the house for five years if wanted would be enough for everybody to sort themselves out.

Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904693
09/28/20 10:19 PM
09/28/20 10:19 PM
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Australia
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Originally Posted by kml
The oldest wont get enough money to buy the other two out -1/3 of the retirement savings is equal to 1/3 of the house equity, so hed have to take out a loan for the rest which would be difficult on his salary, not to mention property taxes and maintenance.

I think some arrangement for him to live in the house for five years if wanted would be enough for everybody to sort themselves out.


Yes, that would work best if you were to pass away now. Hopefully though, none of this will be an issue. Chances are by the time this all comes to fruition all your boys will be middle-aged. I was trying to imagine a middle-aged Aspie who may or may not have a wife/family being obliged to house other middle-aged men with/without families on the passing of their mother. Sounds like the outline for a sitcom to me grin

I have no idea about the relativities between rent and mortgages, nor how banks work where you are, but I'd have thought most banks would mortgage if the repayments were no more than his rent at the time of application. Property taxes and maintenance are a fact of life. They are paid for one way or another whether you're a tenant (via your rent) or the owner.

Having to be responsible for maintenance is a bit of a nightmare though. I doubt either of my kids would know one end of a hammer or drill from the other. I think I'm going to gift them a Home Handyperson course each for Christmas this year!


Me:55 H:55
S:22 S:20
M:24 T:26
BD:Aug 15
D:Sep 17
Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904697
09/28/20 11:03 PM
09/28/20 11:03 PM
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kml Offline OP
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Banks here don't care what rent is - they just care what your income is relative to the mortgage payments. My Aspie son isn't likely to have a wife or family anytime in the next decade, I'd imagine - he's only really dated one girl (who turned out to be a bit of a nutcase) and while I certainly hope that he can find love (maybe with someone else slightly on the spectrum) it's likely a ways off. Of course if those things changed I'd probably change my will to reflect the altered circumstances. My Aspie son, though, would always be the one who would take in any sibling without reservation - it's just who he is. I can't say the same of the other two, for varied reasons, that's why he would be my choice to have technical control over the house. (He's also the one who would accommodate CMM in the unlikely event that my death preceded CMM's).

Re: I Will Survive! [Re: kml] #2904698
09/28/20 11:05 PM
09/28/20 11:05 PM
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My goal is to get the house paid off and to invest so wisely/live frugally enough in retirement that my retirement funds increase to provide a bigger nest egg to my kids than currently - OR of they get their income up enough, help them to buy their own homes while I'm still living. (Possible for 1 out of 3 at the moment).

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