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kml #2904293 09/22/20 03:39 AM
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I’m not worried about any “stuff” other than the house - maybe three pieces of nice art (not of financial value, but nice) for them to divvy up, and there would be my car - but nothing else that anyone would be emotionally invested in or if any particular value.

kml #2904325 09/22/20 11:22 PM
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I like the notion of splitting the retirement accounts three ways, having the house in a trust of sorts with eldest being in charge and giving him a specified amount of time to live there, with stipulations to take in the sibs if necessary, and then when time to sell, split three ways or option to buy out siblings' shares.
thoughts?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2904326 09/22/20 11:22 PM
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this is assuming the other two kids wouldn't want to buy it.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2904328 09/22/20 11:23 PM
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and yes, CMM's thoughts have certainly be revelatory, and make his actions more understandable.
we so need a functional edit button.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
we so need a functional edit button.

Well only for the last 3 or 4 years now. Just need to be patient smile the really sad part is it would take like 10 seconds to toggle this option from off to on in the site setup. Hopefully someday, because, yes, it really would make things so much easier for everyone.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
kml #2904335 09/23/20 12:58 AM
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Quote
this is assuming the other two kids wouldn't want to buy it.


None of them are likely to be in a position to buy the others out of the house, and my oldest is the one most likely to want to keep living there, my middle likes where he is and my youngest actually doesn't care for the suburbs.

I do think some kind of arrangement which allows oldest (and youngest, if he wants to) keep living here in the short term, with a plan to split it/sell it in the future. With any luck, I'll live a long enough life to help them all get set up in their own homes and downsize my own, but for the foreseeable future, this seems the best plan. Maybe a ten year term before it needs to sell?

kml #2904348 09/23/20 10:24 AM
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yeah, ten seems ok. so hard to tell, right?

I've got to do some fancy footwork here in this regard, and soon.

Don, very frustrating that the fix is so down and dirty but taking so long to implement!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2904367 09/23/20 03:52 PM
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Yeah ten years seems like long enough for the kids to make future plans and/or ramp up their income, while still short enough that the ones who aren't living in the house can see their inheritance within a time span that's useful to them. Their share of my 401k would give each of them about 1/3 the cost of purchasing a house similar to mine, or 1/2 the cost of purchasing an apartment-type condo in my town - so if they are working and making some kind of reasonable salary, it would put home ownership within their reach, and the house equity would give them a chunk towards their own retirements. If they actually ever inherited anything from my ex they would be in very good shape but as I've said before I'll be surprised if he doesn't have the kind of trust that doesn't go to them until after his wife dies - and my kids are more likely to die before she does so that would mean they get nothing. Maybe I'm wrong and she only gets half but I doubt it.

kml #2904373 09/23/20 04:58 PM
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That is one of the tough parts of changing partners mid-life. I know that it's certainly on my own mind.

Even something like figuring out a funeral plot - which I've been putting off for a few years now is complicated.

I'd thought it was telling with the OM in my situation that when he buried his wife that it wasn't in a double plot.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml #2904451 09/24/20 09:37 PM
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i think you have the makings of a sound plan.

Good grief. So much to think about in this regard post D. For me, if exh has really re-married (i'm not convinced they aren't just living together, he has her and two step sons. Where does that leave my son?

So, like you I am working out what to do for him on my end.

File under more places I never thought I'd be, but you know, it's ok.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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