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A Message from Michele
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Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: rachel75] #2904194
09/19/20 07:03 PM
09/19/20 07:03 PM
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Gigi123 Offline
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Honestly Rachel they change their minds as and when it suits them, with no consideration.

Its not something that you have any control over at all.

Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: rachel75] #2904230
09/20/20 06:25 PM
09/20/20 06:25 PM
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rachel75 Offline OP
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Journaling...


Today he told me he realized he is allowed to come by anytime he feels like because he pays for the house. So he said he will check if we are home and then come by as he pleases. Really irritated by this. I asked him to be considerate and at least ask if it is okay and I will work with him. He says he is not going to go out of his way to be polite to me when it is his house. (that he chose to leave). He says I did not contribute financially to the house because I was a SAHM. Implied I cant even call it half mine. Also said he can take the kids and my van whenever he wants because he pays for it too. I'm so over this treatment.

Last edited by rachel75; 09/20/20 06:26 PM.
Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: rachel75] #2904232
09/20/20 06:47 PM
09/20/20 06:47 PM
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Gigi123 Offline
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Its tricky, i suggest you get legal advice, get all you finances together and all debts and so on, and check what you can and cant do and what you are entitled to.

They are delusional honestly, mine isnt any mire sane than yours, less nasty in fact very amicable at the moment.

Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: rachel75] #2904456
09/25/20 01:52 AM
09/25/20 01:52 AM
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rachel75 Offline OP
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Journaling

I have done well with not reaching out to H at all. I don't even speak to him when he calls to talk to the 3 kids at bedtime (then again he doesnt call half the time so that makes it easier). Tonight he was video chatting with my son and stopped to talk to OW in the background, which we could clearly see and hear. It hit me harder than I thought it would and I hung up on him. Sat there for a good minute, feeling all the feelings and ready to yell at him to show me a little respect and not have OW around while he talks to our kids. BUT when he called back, I didnt speak to him and just let the kids finish their conversation. I didnt even ask him about his ridiculous spending the last few days. So, progress on my part maybe?

This weekend he will be here with me and the kids because it is H and my son's birthday. I have been thinking a lot about filing for divorce. It really irks me that he talks all this talk but doesnt seem to actually move forward with the D. I'm tired of the limbo.

I miss him so much, but at the same time part of me feels like I don't even know who this guy is.

Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: Gigi123] #2904457
09/25/20 02:02 AM
09/25/20 02:02 AM
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rachel75 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Gigi123
Its tricky, i suggest you get legal advice, get all you finances together and all debts and so on, and check what you can and cant do and what you are entitled to.

They are delusional honestly, mine isnt any mire sane than yours, less nasty in fact very amicable at the moment.


I have been waiting on the legal front to see if he tries to deposit his paychecks to a different account. Or til he actually files. I really don't want to spend the money on legal help if/til it gets to that point.

Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: rachel75] #2904459
09/25/20 06:15 AM
09/25/20 06:15 AM
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Rachel

Well done on the self control! Its important to control your emotions and you are doing well. It will take time of course.
I wouldnt rush into anything, but you do need to think how this will work if you did D. I wouldnt file just yet if i was you, let it come from a place of full calm and detachment on your part. You know when you arenít bothered if there is ow on the call or not.

Start thinking what your financials will look like, child maintenance and so on. Is the house in his name? I appreciate its very expensive but sometime getting the advice gives you more
Confidence in how to proceed.

Have you considered telling your family yet?

Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: Gigi123] #2904473
09/25/20 12:51 PM
09/25/20 12:51 PM
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rachel75 Offline OP
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My mom and dad know as of a few days ago actually. She knew something was going on and when she asked I broke down. I did not tell them any details though except that he left and I don't know if it is going to work out.

Last edited by rachel75; 09/25/20 12:51 PM.
Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: rachel75] #2904481
09/25/20 01:48 PM
09/25/20 01:48 PM
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Oh Rachel i know how tricky it is, but having my family there for me has been a life saver. Talking to my mum has been brilliant.

Just to note that H family no longer speak to me, havent heard from mil for a month now, so god knows what he has said to them about me.

Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: rachel75] #2904538
09/26/20 05:32 PM
09/26/20 05:32 PM
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Sage4 Online
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Originally Posted by rachel75
I have been waiting on the legal front to see if he tries to deposit his paychecks to a different account. Or til he actually files. I really don't want to spend the money on legal help if/til it gets to that point.


Most all L's have a meet-and-greet session (usually for an hour) that they provide for free. Early on in my situation, I had a consult with a L and she provided me with so much valuable information. Neither H nor I have retained a L at this point, but I am happy I went. You can have these consults with as many L's as you want: they are like interviews. And at each one you can ask questions relevant to you situation. See it as fact-finding vs filing at this point.

I am so happy you opened up to your parents. Keeping this within is so hard on the psyche. It is amazing how many people want to support you, given the chance.

Re: 4 weeks separated [Re: rachel75] #2904575
09/27/20 02:35 PM
09/27/20 02:35 PM
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rachel75 Offline OP
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Sage, I will try to set an appt for that this week then.

We had a birthday party for S6 last night (was also H's birthday). First event with both families and my bff's family since this all happened. It went well until my friend made a really rude comment to my son about H not being here. There was no reason for her to involve S6 in anything. Obviously H was not happy and started going off to me (not on me) about it and I ended up having a panic attack outside for about 20 min. I NEVER do this. I pulled myself together & went back inside for presents and cake. But man. That was embarrassing and not fun. My dad also gave H a few firm pats/slaps on the face when talking to him about things, so that made things even more tense. My dad doesn't even know about OW, just knows H left.

I understand why they are upset and maybe think they are helping the situation, but honestly my dad and friend just made me really angry. Yesterday was supposed to be about my son and my H and I did a really good job focusing on that and not discussing anything else. I was proud of us. It would have gone off without a hitch if they could have just let me handle my own situation myself. *sigh* On the bright side, none of the kids noticed I was missing for a few minutes and never knew I was upset.

Now I just need to find a time to finish that good cry I started yesterday.

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