Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,459
Likes: 58
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,459
Likes: 58
Financial considerations are legal considerations. This is why you need to talk to a lawyer. You have rights. He has rights. The lawyer will help you navigate the minefield.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 331
Likes: 1
G
Gigi123 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 331
Likes: 1
It is my money, as he has spent his cut so to speak, he is asking to borrow.....its more around do i take a hard stance of erm no your a grown man and need to manage your own finances. I do have lids to consider and all the school uniforms and winter clothes to buy or do i show empathy for the fact that he maxed out his credit card and will have to csncel his plans with ow because he doesnt have money.....

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,459
Likes: 58
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,459
Likes: 58
So...you don't have a lawyer to consult?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 331
Likes: 1
G
Gigi123 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 331
Likes: 1
Ive already had legal advice, this is my personal account and as its small sums
Of money, the primary position is 50/50 and then negotiate from there. We dont have official legal involvement as h hasnt actually filed. Solicitor said try and resolve it yourselves first, this is always the first port of call, then legal representation, then mediation and if all fails court, as it would he classed as contested divorce and we would have to appear in court. We are in uk, so all slightly different here i guess.

Joined: May 2020
Posts: 362
Likes: 6
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 362
Likes: 6
Gigi, I agree with Steve. At this point, you need to protect yourself as he is not going to do that for you.

Why do you feel the need to even consider this request? I got stuck in trying to 'play nice' in the hope that I would get what I want/needed, but that approach does not work with people who are prioritizing other people over their family. Protect yourself, protect your kids. If he takes away the mortgage and bills money, then you get legal help immediately.

Also, on to telling the kids: there is so much online and in books about what to say. I spent hours in IC and MC coming up with the 'right' things to say (and we had to tell the kids a few times as H came back and left again, promising them he would never divorce me ever, at some point in the middle). After all that 'practice', I learned the best approach is simple facts that don't carry much emotional weight and letting the kids lead with questions. I have an aversion to saying things like 'mummy and daddy are not in love anymore' or 'daddy doesn't love mummy anymore' because to kids it makes love seem arbitrary and what if you suddenly stop loving them?

Sticking to a line like 'You know how Daddy hasn't been around very much lately? Well Daddy is moving out for good. But you will still see him xxx and xxx days and we both love you so, so much. Any questions?' Less is more, let the kids lead. They really don't want to know the nitty gritty details. They also don't want to know who loves whom or not and why. They want to know where they are going to sleep, who will be there after school, how much their life is or isn't going to change and that you two are on the same page. Sticking to the actual facts is an easy way for both of you to be on the same page.

Good luck with all you have ahead of you today and on Saturday! (((Gigi)))

Sage4 #2903937 09/16/20 01:20 PM
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 331
Likes: 1
G
Gigi123 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 331
Likes: 1
Thanks sage, i haven’t responded to him and my initial reaction is hell no! But i wanted to sense check i guess, that my senses and stance are the right ones.

I dont think he will stop paying for things, he is too scared of people opinions of him and his reputation as a family man is ever so important to him....

Thank you, really helpful info re kids, im going to have to put something together just to make sure that my emotions dont drive this!

Doing well so far, looking forward to the evening workout! And Saturday will be good, i know it will be because i will make it good for the kids.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,459
Likes: 58
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,459
Likes: 58
Originally Posted by Gigi123


I dont think he will stop paying for things, he is too scared of people opinions of him and his reputation as a family man is ever so important to him....


You've never dealt with a WS before. Do not put anything past him. ANYTHING. This is why you need to make sure you are protected. Many a too-trusting LBS has been burnt by the WS's capacity to give up on all of their previous held beliefs and values. Learn from the mistakes of others.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 331
Likes: 1
G
Gigi123 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 331
Likes: 1
So told the boys today. Managed to agree on something that was similar. S5 can i be done with my dinner and watch minecraft. S6 really upset, like i could see his brain processing it has caused him heartbreak.

H still same sob story, i have been sleeping in the car, at ows, at sisters, we need to sell the house and so on.

Apparently its the best decision for all of us and the kids and 6 months down the line they will be very happy living between two homes.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,792
Likes: 1
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,792
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Gigi123
So told the boys today. Managed to agree on something that was similar. S5 can i be done with my dinner and watch minecraft. S6 really upset, like i could see his brain processing it has caused him heartbreak.

H still same sob story, i have been sleeping in the car, at ows, at sisters, we need to sell the house and so on.

Apparently its the best decision for all of us and the kids and 6 months down the line they will be very happy living between two homes.


Sorry for all that crap... seriously??? Why is he sleeping in his car and not at OW's all the time???

When I kicked out H he would stay at OW's sometimes but mostly couch surfed at a male friends house... why??? OW only had a 1 bedroom apt and not enough room... WHATEVER... maybe you should have chosen someone in a higher income bracket to sleep with... LMAO!!!

I did NOT feel bad for him. It was his choice for sure but I was done with the disrespect and I certainly wasn't going to hold his hand while he made plans to vacate and leave me.

He ended up buying a house.

Hang in there.

KitCat #2904189 09/19/20 06:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,375
Likes: 137
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,375
Likes: 137
Originally Posted by KitCat
I did NOT feel bad for him. It was his choice for sure but I was done with the disrespect and I certainly wasn't going to hold his hand while he made plans to vacate and leave me.

Hmmmmmm. This seems like a perfect example in actions and words not matching up. Sorry KK.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard