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Gigi123 Offline OP
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Thank you for the pointers re books and podcasts ill definitely check them out.

We have agreed he would drop the kids off at 5, he txt at 5 saying that he will be late , 6.30, needless to say they arent home yet. I think its unreasonable as i have plans with them tomorrow and they will be exhausted and i told
Him that before they left. But im not going to react to his lateness, im just going to roll with it, before i would have freaked about it.

I just nod when he says all those R things but i will try and use words as you suggest, in all honesty i cand do any more harm, can i? I know that emotions and feelings change but he wont just start loving me all the while he is with ow.
I just need distance from him and create some boundaries in regards to him staying at the house, i think as we are telling the boys in saturday it wouldnt he appropriate for him to stay anyway as it would he confusing for the kids.


In terms resentment we definitely both contributed and we had so much on, with two small kids, No family support, both of us working, h. Doing his masters and then phd, not being happy with work either. It was too much for us to cope with and maintain our marriage. Could we have done it, yes absolutely, but we didnt.

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Have a question.

H has been staying at the house as and when because he misses the
Kids so much, i mean i call bs and i think its just convenient for him. Kids have been very happy and s6 now thinks that daddy is working less and will be at home more and we can be all together. Well we have agreed with h to tell the boys on Saturday! I dont want him to stay at the house as it is confusing for the kids and to be honest I dont need my
Husband who is sleeping with another woman to stay at our family home, bloody insulting. Technically we both own the house so i cant stop him from even moving back in! But would like to ask for him not to stay.
Is there a good way to approach this?

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No idea if i have done the right thing, but i feel this is the first time i didnt just ignore him and everything that is happening but i stood up to him.

He was on his way to the house to stay overnight and wake up with the boys and i said as we are telling them on saturday i think the whole staying overnight isnt appropriate really and its odd for me, i simply deserve better as a person and a woman than to have my husband who is seeing someone else sleep every now and again at our marital home.

He did attempt to Go into we are not together anymore, and i said great. (I mean there is no reason to stay here right!)

No idea how this will unravel and whilst i will have two grumpy
Kids tomorrow morning, it feels good! Not because that made him feel [censored] but because this makes me feel empowered!

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Originally Posted by Gigi123
No idea if i have done the right thing, but i feel this is the first time i didnt just ignore him and everything that is happening but i stood up to him.

He was on his way to the house to stay overnight and wake up with the boys and i said as we are telling them on saturday i think the whole staying overnight isnt appropriate really and its odd for me, i simply deserve better as a person and a woman than to have my husband who is seeing someone else sleep every now and again at our marital home.

He did attempt to Go into we are not together anymore, and i said great. (I mean there is no reason to stay here right!)

No idea how this will unravel and whilst i will have two grumpy
Kids tomorrow morning, it feels good! Not because that made him feel [censored] but because this makes me feel empowered!


Great job on your boundary. Funny how he tried to argue with you but then just made your point.

I've made a lot of mistakes on my journey but I did reach a point where I filed Legal S AND changed the locks and notified him by text. OHHHHH.... he was pissed!!!! But, I didn't back down.

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I second the great job with the Boundary.

As you said - it wasn't for H, it was for YOU... and doesn't taking care of YOU just feel so d@mn good at times!


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
KitCat #2903881 09/15/20 09:32 PM
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Gigi123 Offline OP
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Thank you kit kat, this is the first time in nearly 6 months that i stood my ground! (Well bar that time when i actually asked him to leave, but i was an emotional mess and desperately wanted him to choose to stay!)

I know he was upset and i know he will throw it in my face! That i hAve deprived him of seeing the children.

I did ask him what his thoughts were on the subject of staying over, he said he didnt know. I said ok well there is some thinking to be done then for you. He went into a bit of a convo around we need to agree when the boys will stay with him i said yes we will do that. I have no idea where he is staying tbh and last week all of his clothes were still in his car boot!

I nearly caved in when he said ok well im turning around then. But i didnt and it felt so good to actually set my first boundary, there is no reason for him to stay here at all! I need to detach from him fully and Him coming here is t helping.

If it wasnt for the financial side of things, i would have bought him out and changed the locks too! Need to live through saturday!

I need some sounds words on how to tell the kids!

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With kids be honest but don't go into details that they don't need to know.
Tell them mommy and daddy aren't (as much) in love anymore.
Tell them you don't know what will happen because you don't.
Then LISTEN!!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Nice job, Gigi!! Keep up the good work-- it is like a muscle and eventually will get more and more automatic, I think.

There's a book on Kindle called How to talk to your kids about divorce by Samantha Rodman. It is skimmable and has phrases to use and phrases to avoid. It was really helpful for me in thinking through all of this.

Do you have any self-care plans to help you focus on yourself and get through til Saturday?


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
may22 #2903912 09/16/20 05:46 AM
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Thank you everyone!

I feel good! Ill have a look at the book to get ready, h was meant to send me something so we can agree on what to say, but nothing, which is the usual scenario.

May- work is so busy, im wiped out after my day, spending a couple of hours with the kids after school, i might just go and work out for a bit Once kids are asleep, or have a bath and a facial mask!

I was worried i will wake up and feel like i screwed up, but i dont!

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So i might have mentioned before that my h isnt great with money and just keeps spending, so he is away from tomorrow with ow i would imagine and has asked me for a sum of money from one of our old accounts that arent joint, will return on friday.
I sort of feel conflicted, yes they were our accounts, but He has spent his cut of all the money that we had and the very little thats left in there is not his.

Im going to ponder for a bit, but my gut feeling is no. Conscious that whilst he doesn't live at the house he pays for it, so would not want to compromise that for me and the boys.

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