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How is he still trying to pretend they aren't in an actual relationship??

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Rachel,

I think that you should tell your H that you do not agree with it, but that he is free to file for divorce if that is what he wants. I told my WW precisely that and it was a relatively quick and easy conversation. She did, however, do just that. Looking back six months now, I don't regret saying it that way at all, nor do I regret telling her to either cut off all contact or move in with OM. Although it is a heck of a sucker punch if they promptly file and move in with OM/OW, you'll get over it more quickly that way and I remain firmly convinced that everything falls apart for a lot of people. On the other hand, if it ends up going well, then there's very little left that you can do about the situation other than move on. Good luck. This will pass and things will get better sooner than you think they will.

-Spiral

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Hey Rachel

Im sorry, i know how tough it is. I know how difficult it is to even have him around.

Re his ap- there is literally nothing you can do about it, my h used to try and tell me about hoe lovely the ow was, i told
Him point blank, im not interested, i do not want to meet her she doesnt exist in my life, keep your life away from me.
You do not need to know Rachel, the less you know the better! At this stage i dont even know where my
H lives.

Re kids- eventually depending on how much you h pushes he will have them at the new place and you will also be ok. Yesterday h took kids and ow out for the day, if it wasnt for his
Words in the morning i was actually ok about it.

Last edited by Gigi123; 09/13/20 06:03 AM.
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Just confirmed he is in fact moving in with OW this week "as roommates." He will barely be paying any rent, if anything at all. She has 3 kids and 50 percent custody so he will officially be spending more time with someone else's kids than his own. I told him I am not okay with my kids going over there on his weekends. He can keep seeing them here at our house. I dont even know this woman and dont think it is healthy to introduce my kids to her at this point. And to be around her kids would be even more confusing for them.

He has chosen to make every step of this as difficult and messy as possible. I'm not dragging my kids into the middle of that sh*tstorm, esp if he can't even admit they are in a relationship. Maybe if H was a more responsible person, but he just is not. Half of his friends are irresponsible people who do drugs regardless of where their kids are so I just cannot trust them staying there with a random woman.

Last edited by rachel75; 09/14/20 06:45 PM.
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Gigi, how long did your H wait before introducing them to OW? I mean he hasnt even filed for divorce yet and barely knows this person. Idk why he thinks it would be okay for them to meet her. Who knows how many women they will have to meet down the line if that is the precedent we set.

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He didnt at all really, he would take then to the park and miraculously she would he there. Maybe a month or so after db it started happening. They dont know that she is anymore than his assistant at work....

There is no threat to my kids, they always sleep at home, he takes them out for the day, and then returns them back.
It will be a bit more tricky for you as he actually has a place to stay so would depend on how much he cooperates here.

It wouldnt he wise to introduce ow this early but men do, well and women too, bit no thought really goes i to how this affects kids.

Have you received legal advice? Rachel im just conscious that we all want this to be over and this is long term and its really important to protect yourself and the kids. He wont be back in a weeks time or a months, if ever. You need to kook after you and kids and detach from what he is doing, it is his path.

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So this week I have done really well. Haven't reached out. Haven't snooped. H Has not called to say good night to the kids once. I have ignored a couple of his calls bc i knew they weren't for the kids.

Tonight he called and we were busy. I called back and he didn't pick up-he left a message asking if i hung up quickly on purpose... Said "i just wish you wanted me to talk to the kids." Meanwhile he hasnt given a sh*t about them all week. Then he once again brought up them coming to his new apartment with OW (i draw the line here. I'm not bringing my kids there. Period. he chose to make this as messy as possible even though he knew i was not ok with them meeting OW. This conversation ended with him saying that he is just going to show up here at my house whenever he feels like it and stay all the time to see the kids. And then he hung up on me.

My usual response would have been an angry text or a phone call back. But instead I am just letting it sit and I'm trying not to message him. Is it normal for them to be this Petty and outraged? I drew a boundary and I feel like it is a good one. My kids are already so hurt by him and I'm not going to have them be confused by going to his new house with his new girlfriend and her three children.

Last edited by rachel75; 09/19/20 01:41 AM.
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For the record. He has not once tried to come see them during the week. I'm not keeping them from him. I am just simply saying they are not allowed to go to the house t has decided to move into with this woman and her children.

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Rachel its his kids too and if he would like to come and see them, he needs to agree with you when that will happen.
Say tuesday/thursday eve and every other weekend, whatever works for both of you really.
Dont let him make you feel guilty, it is his relationship woth the kids and he needs to maintain it, it is his responsibility.

I think for now you could get away with not letting him take the kids, but long term you might not have a choice and essentially you cant stop him, he is their dad.

So maybe just saying to him that emotional wellbeing of the children is really important and at this stage introducing them to anyone isnt a good idea. General advice is 6-12 months after bd. So you have a long way to go.

But once again depending on hiw he takes it you might not have a choice

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Yes in the beginning he said he just wanted them every other weekend. We also agreed that unless he was living by himself or with a trusted friend, that they would not be going to his place. That he would be coming here to see them. Given his history with friends who are not so responsible, I really don't feel comfortable with them being there. Hopefully if he calls today he will be willing to actually listen to that.

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