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They are notoriously lazy! If could be months until he actually files and remember you dont have to sign anything! Im assuming you have assets and then thee is child maintenance and childcare split.
They all think Its going to be so so easy and done, but it never is!


I dont know where you are and what laws would apply, but can you get some legal advice to know what a split might look like?!

I would say him moving back in is a hard no Rachel. I do think you need some support, a friend, family, councillor, its though being on your own with three kids.

Was alcohol a problem before for you?!

Last edited by Gigi123; 09/09/20 09:15 PM.
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I agree about the moving back in part. Idk who the heck says ILY after knowing each other a few weeks anyway. It's all superficial but it hurts like crazy. Especially when he just told me all these lies about their relationship.

I know I need to get in to talk to a lawyer. And to start counseling for myself.

I had been drinking over the last year or 2 and it was becoming a problem for me. I dont get wasted or anything crazy and not when the kids are up, but I am drinking every day which is not good. And now it is making me backtrack in my DBing.

Last edited by rachel75; 09/09/20 09:19 PM.
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Rachel my H did the same. Its the same script, he was messing with my head for 2 months telling le they are just friends....and i read all of their ily and everything else. Yes it hurt like hell, but he does truly feel that way.
The sooner you accept the situation and take the emphasis of your M and his relationship with ow and concentrate on you and the kids the easier it will get.
Imagine a universe where there is just you and the kids, thats all you need to worry about. Nothing else is a rush at the moment. Take each task as it comes. Stop drinking, you need a clear head, exercise instead, have a bath, watch something, anything that will make you feel good. Once you have a clear head and and stop spinning, Find a lawyer to consult with, you dont tell your h anything! That you are exploring options, he doesnt need to know! This is for you and the kids so you know where you stand. Get into ic that will help build you up, i really think he did a number on you with all The cheating!

Stay strong and keep posting.

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I have called a couple of possible IC and am waiting on call backs. My head is a bit foggy because we have all come down with something, so I will make an appt with a lawyer next week.

Random thoughts I need to remember: I am still so tempted to log on and read their messages (also why are they still communicating on there? UGH). I need to remind myself that 1. I already know they are f***ing and saying these things to each other. What good will reading more of the same crap do for me? It will just give me more words to replay in my head and more ammo I might try to throw at him later. and 2. Reading the messages won't help bring him back home.

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Well done Rachel

Dont read them, the only thing that it will do is make you feel worse. Take the spotlight away from him, put it on your kids and you, make sure you all feel better first and then crack on with your life and list of things that you need to do for you and the kids. Thats all you can do right now, your h meeds to decide to want to be with you and at the moment ue is choosing different and there is nothing you can do at the moment.

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Hi Rachel,

I believe you have all the information about what your H is doing with OW that you need. Snooping any further will not give you any more clarity on the truth. You now know the truth.

I post here to help keep families together. You are the only one that has the potential to do this. I give out advise that I believe will tilt the odds.

Repeat this to yourself multiple times every day:
"What works is counter intuitive."

It is your job now to fight your natural urges and do things based on logic. Determine before hand how you want to interact with and respond to him. Have a plan and execute the plan.

These are the wise words I have collect on this site, get a plan based off all the new knowledge you are gaining:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2896617

There are 10 threads, so it will take a while to get through.


I decided to feel the pain and deal with it rather than drinking alcohol when I was going through my sitch. I was extremely tempted, but I am glad I didn't self medicate. During this phase of the process, you can learn many new self control behaviors.

Feel and express all your emotions when it is safe. Let them out. They are normal. Just not in his presence. Project a happy confident sexy woman that does not need him.



Do things this weekend that make you happy. This time of your life is about finding happy alone.

I wish you well.

HUGS


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Quick question. H is on his way over to spend the weekend with the kids and I am not in a position to leave at the moment (still really sick and can't really drive). I know he will notice a difference in my behavior and this is the first time I have seen him since he confirmed he is sleeping with OW. I have a feeling he will ask if I will agree to divorce now. What do I say to this? I obviously do not want to be in the marriage as it is, but I may want to stand for my marriage. I am not 100 percent positive because he is having yet another affair. But not ready to sign papers yet.

How do I answer in a way that doesn't commit me one way or the other?

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Thank you, Ready2Change. I actually had just been looking through your threads when you commented here. I will continue to look at those quotes. They have helped me already smile Also I have not snooped in 2 or 3 days which is progress for me.

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Not sure if this is the right thing, but i have said to my H that if he would like a divorce he needs to go and do that, very simple really and thats the end of the conversation, stabd up and go do your thing in the house.

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He did not ask about it yet. He did mention he will have a place to stay soon. With OW. Said he can take our dog with him
I said hel* no and my kids won't be going there either. He is still claiming they are not a relationship and just f buddies I guess. He is supposed to come back tomorrow to be with the kids. I was reminded today of all of the ways he just does not contribute. Staring at his phone while kids cry, barely doing anything to help. Im so angry and feel like I messed up today so badly. I was angry/cried angrily when he said he will probably move in with her to get cheap rent. To top it all off, he has called my daughter her kids name. (My daughtwr is Scarlett and hers is Charlotte.) Wtf.

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