Trying to keep hope

[Gigi123]

Well proud of you Indy!

[BL42]

Awesome she came back saying ILYs and you stood strong - that must be empowering. I agree with the others - make her end the A and kick the OM to the curb before considering any R talks.

[Indy470]

Rough day today. A lot of thoughts. A lot of memories. A lot of reminiscing. It is what it is though.

[ovrrnbw]

I know how that goes. Remember, you exert 100% control over your mind. You can quell those thoughts, you're just not yet in the habit of doing so.

[Thornton]

Can you imagine how down you would feel today if you actually met with her? If she is still with the OM, there is absolutely nothing to talk about. You can’t have love without respect. And her cheating on you with OM is clearly a lack of respect. You are displaying value by refusing to see her, that’s commanding respect.

Stay the course and hang in there, Indy.

[Indy470]

Over,

I just read through your sitch.

First off, Kudos to you man. You showed a lot of strength throughout that and what you went through was ALOT.

I noticed that while your wife was still seeing OM, you did have contact with her. You didn't pursue and there were times you ignored her but there were other times where you saw her and did have conversations with her. I know my sitch is a bit different because me and W are actually separated but do you think those interactions with wife, talking to her, giving her opportunities to talk to you and not shutting her out completely when she pursued you helped with recon?

[LH19]

Indy,

You can’t make it better while she’s in another relationship. If you want to stand you’re in a waiting game. The moment you engage with her you lose and are back to square one.

[Indy470]

LH,

Roger that. I’m still standing and I haven’t engaged at all. I’ve taken the advice on here and I’ve removed myself from the picture.

It has helped me feel a lot better doing that. Not sure of the effect on MR but it’s helped me personally. I feel much more grounded.

[LH19]

Indy,

I can sense from your last couple posts that you want to do something “illusion of action” to try to get her back. You are not seeing any improvements so your brain is trying to get you to pursue.

Unfortunately I’m afraid you are probably going to be in this limbo state for a really long time.

One of my frustrations with MWDs book is the reference to the “affair fog”. That the WWs fog will clear and they snap out of it. That rarely happens until the WW hits rock bottom which usually takes many years to happen.

Just keep moving forward!

[Indy470]

LH,

Thank you for the reminder on the time frame, needed that.

In all honesty though I’m not feeling the illusion of action right now. I don’t really have an urge to see or talk to W right now. I’ve been doing so much better with that out of sight and out of mind. I think more so I’m just trying to pick others brains to see what helped in their sitch.

I do miss her and am still hoping for recon but I have come to terms with the fact that there’s nothing I can do right now while she’s in another relationship.

Always good to have your reality checks though LH. Thanks for staying with me on here.