Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
The bedroom sounds lovely!

AS for the novel writing - check out NaNoWriMo and the organizer's book "No Plot, No Problem". It's National Novel Writing Month and it's held every November. It's a writing challenge to write a certain number of words (I can't remember, think it's 50,000) in a month. The idea is to turn off your internal critic and just focus on making the word count - you can edit and revise later. They have challenges and meetups and all kinds of online support. It would be perfect for you and the timing is great - next month! Check it out online.

Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
S
scout12 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
Ooo yes, thanks for the reminder. I did Nanowrimo in 2010 and wrote a very serious urban fantasy young adult novel. Wonder if I can reactivate my account after all these years!


chumplady.com
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
S
scout12 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
X just picked up S2 for his makeup visit. He actually said “thank you” to me at the front door. Quite sincerely (for him). Normally there is no dialogue, just greetings and farewells to S2. Odd.


chumplady.com
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
S
scout12 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
Toodling around the internet this morning led me to this runaway husband post. It resonated.

Quote
My exhusband would occasionally say he was unhappy a couple times a year, and while I stepped up to try and work on things every time he did this, he did nothing on his end. So basically, I was rewarding him for his emotional neglect while he didn’t have to lift a finger. I tried to spend more time with him, be hotter in the bedroom and make more of an effort, ask him to go on dates with me, etc. He must have known that saying he’s unhappy would warrant my immediate flood of attention for him while he didn’t have to return the favor. He used me.


chumplady.com
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,435
Likes: 10
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,435
Likes: 10
Hi Scout,

Just wanted to tell you that your post about the avocados and ice and nice cheese resonated so much with me. Three years ago (before the A) we planted three avocado trees. They're finally fruiting this season so I have as many avocados as I want, but I need to manage the timing of the picking and the ripening... your post made me spend a little more time thinking about things like this. I've (sadly) let a number of avocados go south because I miss their perfect day. Since you posted this, I've checked every day and had that unmatched pleasure of opening a perfectly ripe avocado almost every day. Which I owe to you ...thank you. It has been beautiful. I'm drinking a daquiri made of fresh squeezed lime juice, simple syrup, and rum only. Made a beautiful eggplant parmesan which is currently in the oven. Thank you for helping me to remember the beauty of all these simple, perfect pleasures.

Glad your ex said TY but hoping it only blipped on your radar screen long enough to post it.

xx M


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
S
scout12 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
Yasss, May! Get those avos. I'm envious of your endless supply. It costs me $8 for a bag of 5 at my local grocer. Loved hearing about your self-care. Food is self-care for me, too.

Last night I made zucchini tots and honey soy steak for me and S2's dinner. I've been prepping fresh pawpaw and pineapple at the start of every week for snacks. I also made the most delicious lemon bars using lemons from our tree.

It's coming into summer here which means it's mango season. A tray of mangoes disappears very quickly in December. The scent is heavenly. Christmas down under means BBQs, tropical fruit, prawns, salads, pavlovas... Yum.

For a long time after X left, I would cook healthy, fresh meals for S2, but feed myself junk food. Not sure the psychology behind that... Anyway, keep investing in yourself. You are worth it.


chumplady.com
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 363
Likes: 7
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 363
Likes: 7
Oh winter down under.... so dreamy!

My parents lived in Oz (I was conceived there) for many years and we have adopted family there. I have spent a few Christmas’s there over the years with my ‘grandparents’, and have to say that those BBQ’s and fresh fruit and pavlovas are just about as good as it gets for us Northern Hemispherers.

Scout, you sound great these days. Thank you for sharing that quote you found, it really resonated with me.

How was S after his visit with Dad? How have you been holding up since the discovery of the possible departure of OW? I can imagine it would bring up a lot of feelings no matter how detached and moved on you are.

I too have revamped my bedroom and it now feels like such a sacred space to me. I still can’t picture anyone else in there with me, but maybe one day.

(((Scour)))

Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
S
scout12 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
On the other hand, Sage-- I've never had a white Christmas! Maybe one day. I'd settle for seeing snow for the first time. You've had the best of both worlds. Hopefully you can make it back here someday after all this COVID craziness.

Thank you, I do feel pretty great these days.

The reality is that S2 does not have an evident attachment to his dad. When X drops S2 home, he doesn't give the boy a cuddle or tell him he loves him. On S2's part, he ignores X as soon as I open the front door and runs toward me in relief. He is content enough to go with X whenever he visits, which is good. But he never asks for him or about him on the in-between days unless I raise the topic.

The other day we were talking about it and he said "My dad doesn't like cuddles"... Yikes. S2 is a very loving, tactile child; so much so that his daycare teacher calls him Casanova! So that was a bit sad to hear.

The daycare had parent teacher night recently. I kept an eye on the signup sheet to see if X would book an appointment; spoiler alert, he didn't. The feedback I received was wonderful. They said S2 is a mature, sensitive and confident little boy who is advanced in every area. He is even-keeled and agreeable and responds well to instruction. He verbalises emotions amazingly well, eg. "I am feeling frustrated because you told me no".

He's not a perfect child by any means; he's still a toddler after all! He'll be three in February. X has now officially been out of his life longer than he was in it. A sobering thought.

Regarding the OW, I haven't really given it much thought beyond idle curiosity and the potential impact on S2. If they have split up, I feel a bit sorry for X. I think he'll struggle with intimate relationships his whole life. He really did have it easy with me as I was so accommodating. I'm interested in what, if any, lessons he's learning now that he's branched out and had experience with someone else.

I do wonder whether he will mellow in his attitude if OW isn't in the picture and he's no longer trying to justify and defend his affair. He hasn't responded further about changing the custody agreement to give him more time. It wasn't a totally useless exercise-- he now knows where I stand, long-term, regarding education, extracurriculars, holidays etc. So I guess we'll maintain the status quo unless he feels motivated enough to change it.

Regardless of his relationship status, I'm not expecting him to have any grand realisations or regrets or remorse. It's more likely he'll continue finding ways to blame me, especially if he is a 'dark triad' personality, as kml said.

Years ago X and I had an argument over a brand new motorbike he'd bought without my knowledge or input. I was upset he'd taken out a $10k personal loan while we were scrimping and saving for a house deposit. He left in a rage, then called to yell at me because he'd dropped the motorbike on the road. I was concerned-- was he hurt? My concern made him more angry. Apparently it was my fault that he'd dropped the bike because I'd started the argument and made him lose his focus. I mean, really?!

I'm so glad you've revamped your bedroom, Sage. It's an empowering act to reclaim your space. (((Sage)))


chumplady.com
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
Quote
Years ago X and I had an argument over a brand new motorbike he'd bought without my knowledge or input. I was upset he'd taken out a $10k personal loan while we were scrimping and saving for a house deposit. He left in a rage, then called to yell at me because he'd dropped the motorbike on the road.


Wow - so easy to see now how wrong this whole scenario was, isn't it? Amazing. You must feel so FREE!

As for S2 - it's just as well that he doesn't seem to miss his dad when he's not there. I'd be glad OW isn't there, just so as not to have to pretend their affair was ok, but I hope he finds another, hopefully decent, girlfriend so there's another adult around when your ex has your son.

Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
S
scout12 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
Freedom! There is a conversation in May's thread about affairs saving marriages. X's affair saved me FROM my marriage. Lol.


chumplady.com
Page 5 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard