SJay... Don’t get discouraged but do be prepared to meet a lot of guys who aren’t matches. For me, it’s not just about attraction although that is important. Having similar values is a must. Looking at someone’s actions as opposed to their words. If I had done that with XH, I might have saved myself a lot of heartache. But... I wouldn’t have my amazing kids so I can’t say it was a total wash. Anyway...it’s been an interesting process but I think I have found a good match for me. Not sure what the future holds but I do know that whatever it is, I can handle it. I am not an introvert but even introverts, I think, can benefit from having a significant other in their lives. You are in a great spot. You’ve been alone for a long time and you know that you are good on your own so you aren’t someone who is going to latch onto the wrong person out of neediness. My advice... just enjoy the process of meeting new people. You never know what the future holds for you. (((HUGS)))
Well, needless to say, I've certainly picked a lousy time to re-enter the dating world. Pandemic aside, I've decided to take a step back for a while. It's somewhat discouraging out there, at least for me. While I don't doubt that dating sites may be a good option for meeting someone if one lives in a large metropolitan area, it's just not great in my neck of the woods. I actually have met three different men who were nice gentlemen but just not a match for me. They looked good on paper but it didn't work for various reasons. The one that held the most promise is highly allergic to cats! I have a cat and it might sound silly but no man will come between the cat and I! (My relationship with my cat has lasted longer than my marriage and I'm very loyal <3)
Then, there are those I chose not to meet. It can best be described as that old saying "The odds are good but the goods are odd." A seemingly endless supply of middle-aged, lives in his elderly mother's basement and works part-time guys that I don't want to waste my time on. Taking care of an elderly parent is noble but not the case here. These are man-childs, never married and looking for someone to take care of them after mommy is gone. Or, to mix it up a bit, the guy who was getting divorced from wife #4 and already looking for #5. No thanks.
I'm probably going to need to be more open to longer distances in the future. I've stayed close to home because I still work fulltime and own a business so my time to wander is limited for now.
Hi SJay. I can relate. All I can say is that it is worth trying again once all of this craziness with the pandemic is over. I would encourage you to consider distance if you don’t see yourself needing to see someone in person every day. There is about two hours between my bf and I. That includes a 90-minute ferry ride so it’s not too bad. Prior to the pandemic travel restrictions, we were seeing each other every couple of weeks for a few days at a time and it was working. Quality time over quantity. Lately it has been tougher as I’ve only seen him once in two months but it’s been tough for everyone so I’m just waiting to see how things go post-pandemic. In the meantime, we talk and text every day and I’m concentrating on other things. Hang in there. If you can manage to meet one person you can see having a relationship with, it will be all worth it in the end. (((HUGS)))
And don't get too discouraged. There is I feel a depth of single people out there who don't want to bother with online dating. In my small village I know of at least 4 bachelors of various ages. And a slightly larger number of single women.
Originally Posted by SJay62
I have a cat and it might sound silly but no man will come between the cat and I! (My relationship with my cat has lasted longer than my marriage and I'm very loyal <3)
I agree - I ended up having to give my cats up because of the last relationship - something I sincerely regret even though they have a good home with my son who technically is their owner / man-servant.
Originally Posted by SJay62
Then, there are those I chose not to meet. It can best be described as that old saying "The odds are good but the goods are odd." A seemingly endless supply of middle-aged, lives in his elderly mother's basement and works part-time guys that I don't want to waste my time on. Taking care of an elderly parent is noble but not the case here. These are man-childs, never married and looking for someone to take care of them after mommy is gone. Or, to mix it up a bit, the guy who was getting divorced from wife #4 and already looking for #5. No thanks.
That matches much of what I see as well but in the opposite direction. The ones who "need" to have a man in their lives or who are expecting to have few responsibilities but enjoy a life of travel and leisure.
Me - I'm thinking of just getting a new cat. If you've followed my drama you'll see why.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
And don't get too discouraged. There is I feel a depth of single people out there who don't want to bother with online dating. In my small village I know of at least 4 bachelors of various ages. And a slightly larger number of single women.
It’s the 5th Friday of a month - something that only happens a couple times a year. And I’m very much agreeing with Andrew - something that also only happens a few times a year. I KID!!!! Oh and don’t agree on getting a cat.
But seriously I think Andrew is correct. I know an increasing number of people who have given up OLD but are still single. I know more quality women (and some quality guys) who just don’t think they will find quality OLD. I can name like a dozen without too much trouble. Even a few I dated, (women that is) but did not meet OLD who admitted to trying it and then telling the stories of losers, being ghosted, dic pics early on after exchanging info. The higher quality they are, the quicker they were to delete the apps. So they are out there, I’d say higher quality off OLD but you just need to try to find them.
Yes, some latch onto the first person they meet (no, not referring to you Andrew) and I think that makes up some of the “success stories”. I have friends who have done that. They are far less picky than you and I may be. They also have the ability to find things in common with others or tolerate others than you or I may not. I know others who have not had a LTR in many years. I’m very picky OTOH I just don’t feel an attraction to many people. You seem similar.
And without a doubt today’s climate has made it even harder. First there is covid. Then it’s the increasing divide politically and Philosophically. Even a few years ago already just lurking/looking at some OLD profiles and I’ve seen more and more profiles saying they don’t want anyone who voted for Trump, or say they are allergic to cats and republicans. Hmmmmmm interesting how by far I’ve seen far more restrictions from the tolerant, co-exhist, accept everyone as they are, side of the isle. Very interesting. But regardless, that right there cuts off half of potential partners. Then the longer we settle into living on our own, the harder and higher the bar to give that up. It’s so much harder today for all of these reasons than it was 25 years ago.
I’m now very used to being on my own and for the most part do just fine. It’s only when something like needing to find someone to go on a cruise with me (see my thread for past cruisegate stories) that I really struggle. Otherwise I struggle more trying to date than I do just living life and seeing what happens. Im far happier without the frustrations of OLD For me OLD is a lot like social media or search engines or the rest - great ideas that have now been hijacked by scammers, fakes, those trying to manipulate or influence things... and more. OLD certainly presents a greater quantity of people, but what is the quality of them?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Welcome! I haven’t been here lately but you’ve been given great advice. It is a weird time in the world and I know many have struggled with OLD. Over the last 7 years, I had a profile up for a total of 3 months. One year I had one up for 6 weeks. The next year almost a month. The next year I had one up for 2 weeks (I was on vacation for one of those) and last year I lasted 6 days :-). I love meeting people but I didn’t “expect” to meet a partner OLD. I just thought it was fun and interesting.
I think it’s fantastic that your life is full. It can be daunting to date again, but I kind of look at it from this perspective...I had a near death experience a couple of years ago. I realize I doubt I’ll be on my deathbed saying, “thank g-d I didn’t try to date!” My kids are getting older and it would be nice to have a partner. Maybe I find one, maybe I don’t. I try to stay semi sane regardless :-)
Hang in there. This is a great group for advice.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
