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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DnJ. Thanks...lol. TDH called me last night and we talked for an hour and a half. More “getting to know you” kinds of topics without the crazy flirting. We talked movies, kids (always talk kids), bucket list, family dynamics, food, friends, hockey...lots of hockey. I love that when I ask him a question, he fully answers it. No one-line answers or shoulder shrugs. It is so refreshing from what I’ve been used to. Jack was a shoulder shrugger... self reflection was not something he did a lot of. XH was too. He rarely talked about what was going on in his inner world. Mostly he just told stories to entertain. So this is a new and welcome change. Also scary because the more I get to know him, the more I like him and that brings up some uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability. But nothing ventured, nothing gained so I am trying to enjoy the process more and not worry about what the final outcome will be. If nothing else, the ending of my marriage has taught me that I am stronger than I realized. smile

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Quote
If nothing else, the ending of my marriage has taught me that I am stronger than I realized.


I became fearless after. The worst had already happened, and I'd survived it, so every thing else was small potatoes. Boyfriend breakup? Nothing compared to losing a spouse of 24 years. Get onstage and play music? If I stink, who cares? I was brave enough to do it!

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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That’s exactly what I think KML. I know I can get through almost anything so no fear. laugh

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Well...the upside of my hockey game getting cancelled last night is that I got to spend that time talking with TDH on the phone. Gosh you guys...I am just learning so much about him and vice versa. We've talked about things I haven't even talked with my sister about. The conversation is just so easy. He said he is glad we don't live near each other right now because we can get to know each other without being sidetracked by physical attraction. I fully agree although I'm not gonna lie, really looking forward to getting sidetracked by it next weekend...lol. Still...he told me yesterday that he is totally okay with taking things slow and that he wants me to be completely comfortable with him. He also said he's going to be really nervous when it does happen...yeah...that makes two of us. Anyway...I know there are a lot of skeptics among you but the more he and I talk, the better I feel about where things are at with us. He says he really wants to make this work and so do I so I guess time well tell... I'm happy. smile

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DnJ Online
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Good Morning DV

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Also scary because the more I get to know him, the more I like him and that brings up some uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability.

Yep, allowing someone to get close, opens one up to being vulnerable. Those feelings are a good sign that your walls are lowered and you can extend trust.

For what it’s worth, you are proceeding fearlessly. Fearless does not mean reckless. You are cautious and not fearfully paralyzed so as unable to act. A good place to be, IMO.

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Anyway...I know there are a lot of skeptics among you but the more he and I talk, the better I feel about where things are at with us.

Everyone is both skeptic and cheerleader. People can see the risks, and no one is wishing for failure.

I think it was your own inner skeptic that this was more written for. You are wise and can see the risks. And strong so to accept them and see where things go. A little skepticism is a good thing; keeps you a bit grounded as you are being lifted up.

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I'm happy. smile

Glad to hear it. That’s kind of the goal, ain’t it?

Fearlessly forward.

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Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Thanks for being a great cheerleader D. I’ve always been someone who believes in taking risks. Drove my mom crazy...lol. She was very measured in everything she did and always, always erred on the side of caution. She was also very private and called me her “heart on her sleeve” girl. I used to interpret it as disapproval but looking back, I think she just worried about me being hurt. As I got older though, and she saw how resilient I was despite my vulnerabilities, I could see that she was also a little bit proud that I didn’t let my experiences change the person I am at my core. It does bother me though that she went to her grave thinking that I was in a marriage with someone who was lying to me and treating me so disrespectfully [I found out after she died that she thought he was lying and cheating on me.]. I hope there is a heaven and she is looking down and knows that I am doing well and no longer living a lie.

Complete topic change... I don’t think I have mentioned on here that I am having surgery on September 8th. My twin pregnancy did a big number on my abdominal muscles and my stomach in general. There is just no bouncing back from carrying two huge babies (8 lbs 1 oz & 7 lbs 3 oz) to term. So I’ve opted to get a tummy tuck as a kind of gift to myself and, in a way, symbolically ridding myself of the last reminder of my marriage. I used to really love my stomach so I am excited to be getting it back...lol. Not super excited about the recovery process but hey, I do get another two weeks off of work so there’s that. TDH was really sweet when I told him about it. He said he thinks I’m beautiful either way but if it is something I really want to do, I should go for it. He also said he will be worrying about me the entire time. My sister is going with me. It’s at a clinic about an hour and a half away so I’m having to stay the night in a hotel after the surgery so the nurse can check in on me in the morning and make sure everything is okay. Luckily the clinic is on the bottom floor of the hotel so I don’t have to go far.

Anyway....time to get out of bed and face the day. (((HUGS))) to all. Have a great weekend everyone.

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Two sleeps until my weekend with TDH. Since our face-to-face meeting, he has continued to call me daily. Our conversations are a mix of funny story telling and serious “how do you feel about this” kinds of information exchanges. So far so good.

Last night I got a better timeline re: his divorce. He and his XW separated five years ago and the divorce was finalized three years ago. He has dated for the past three years but not anyone he could picture having a LTR with until me. He hasn’t had an LDR before but doesn’t think the distance between us is that big of an obstacle - especially since I live in the area he eventually wants to relocate to. We figure we can see each other at least a couple weekends a month which is a lot more often than many people in LDR’s get to see each other. Still early days but I am happy with how things are going and how much he is communicating with me.

This weekend is going to be interesting. It’s just going to be him and I for most of it although my sister wants me to bring him out to the lake so she and BIL can meet him. I am going to make a game-time decision about that one. I know he will get along well with them and our other friends who will be out there but not sure I want to expose him to the scrutiny quite yet. He says it is completely up to me and he is happy to meet anyone I want to introduce him to. The weather is supposed to be amazing out there this weekend and it is my “happy place” so it is definitely tempting. smile

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Good Morning DV

Good luck on the 8th. I’ll try to remember - no jokes. It only hurt when I laugh, I suspect will be an apt statement for a few weeks after. smile

I’m glad things are going well with TDH. I did smile at the thought of the scrutiny he might get. Nice to see he is confident in meeting whomever you would like to introduce him to.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Thanks D. (((HUGS)))

First night with TDH is in the books. He said he couldn’t wait to see me and wanted to get out of the city before his ex and kids found a reason to keep him there (lots of challenges with his son apparently) so he came over a day early. I had a pedicure appointment just before dinner so he hung out at my house for an hour. When I got home, he was out on the deck chatting with my XMIL and SD20. I could tell from the look on my XMIL’s face that she likes him a lot. Today I am working from home and he’s got plans to mow my lawn and talk recipes with XMIL...lol. My kids are heading to their dad’s today. D12 spent most of her evening showing TDH her art, playing him games of Battleship and dancing in the living room...lol. I hadn’t planned to introduce them but both kids had talked to him on the phone and they insisted they wanted to stay and meet him so I said okay. You can tell he has lots of kids in his life. He could not be more comfortable with them.

TDH fully appreciates my situation with XMIL and thinks I am really lucky to have such great support. He loved my whole family (my twin was here for a bit too) and I think the feeling was mutual. He is just so comfortable in his own skin and it totally shows. I told XMIL I was working from home today because I didn’t want anyone to feel awkward about a strange (new...not weird....lol) guy kicking around the house. She just waved her hand at me and told me it was completely fine. Oh well...sticking around anyway...lol. She was NEVER this relaxed with Jack. Never came upstairs or had any kind of a conversation with him. Last night she was chatting with TDH like she’d known him for years. So...good start. Hockey game tonight. TDH is making me fish tacos...finally. laugh

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How do you do it?!?

Second time meeting a guy and he’s mowing your lawn, playing with your kids, cooking you dinner like he’s a part of the family? It went much the same way with jack .

I’m in awe. Seriously. I can barely get a guy to commit to a dinner. Or even as much after a year of dating.

And how do you get so trusting so fast? Is it the security of knowing your MIL is there? How do you trust around your kids so quickly?

Props to you. I couldn’t do it. And there was maybe one guy who walked in and spent a lot of time with me right off the bat. But he was 9 years younger and free as a bird.

Well, enjoy the weekend! Seems like he fits right in like a puzzle piece!

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