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So sorry Gigi. I think getting some legal advice is the exact right thing to do. Sounds to me like he is trying to scare/bully you into taking less than what you are entitled to. At the end of the day, if he wants a divorce, you cant stop him. However, you do not have to jump every time he tells you to. Talk to a lawyer and take your time. There is no rush to do anything. Having said that, the sooner you have an agreement in place, the better. Also...WASs tend to be more agreeable and generous in the early days. So weigh your options carefully and protect yourself as best you can. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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It was pure emotion in his part, reacting to things that i say. He cried and was put out that i wasnt upset. There ia no rush absolutely, he wants a quickie online divorce thing and for us to verbally agree stuff. Its madness to verbally agree the fate of my children!

By end of next week will make sure that i have legal advice and set up a meeting with a mortgage broker to see what i can get and start looking around for properties.

Also discussed what we will tell the children and of course he wants it to be that it was amicable etc.

Thank you for reminding that i dont have to agree to anything he says!

I was a little upset when he left, but over it now. The more stuff like this happens the more I understand that i actually dont know or want this person! He is not my husband, not the person i married.

He also seems to be leaving his stuff in the house constantly, and come and goes as he pleases. I need to set some boundaries there, as its not convenient for me.

I must say his behaviour and emotional outbursts where a little threatening on regards to childcare arrangements.

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I'm sorry this is happening, Gigi... seems like par for the course with WAHs. I think DejaVu's advice is spot on.

You might check on the MLC thread. Seems like there are a number of situations on there that have a lot of similarities to yours-- Wooba went through something similar in the not-too-distant past.

Hang in there.


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
may22 #2903047 09/03/20 08:40 AM
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Thank you, its rubbish ill be honest.


He wants everything done quickly and agreed verbally.
I managed to get some preliminary legal advice and of course the first port of call is to try and resolve everything yourself, starting with money and childcare.
H seems to talk just about the house and just a 50/50 split, however i have been adviced to put everything on the table including the pensions and start negotiating from there. Also very clear that 50/50 isnt always fair and if we went down the court route they would look at mortgage capacity and life after divorce so often its not a 50/50 split but the person with less mean can get more to start a life.

So emailed the mortgage broker for a meeting and reading the disclosure documents i was adviced to use to start the conversations.

Meanwhile h took kids out yesterday with own, he is trying to position himself as the fun dad i guess, of course the lids are happy that he is around more. My eldest asked h to stay the night last night so i did t have a choice but to let him, which wasnt all that great for me, but i just got on with my own stuff.


I honestly thought that the toughest time was behind me....that the emotional turmoil that he caused was ocer and i was was so much better and ready to crack on with life, this has set me back weeks, just different reasons for my emotions.

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Journaling

Im tired, he wants to have conversations every other day. He apparently sought advice and was told to give us distance as he says this is to the detriment of him seeing the kids. Im not sure who would possibly give that advice?! Its been 5 months and now he thinks its long enough and time for us to move forward. He goes from telling me that he doesnt understand why i get to stay in the house for now to saying that he will help me get settled in the new home.

I feel emotional again. Not so much because of him not in my
Life, but necause i now have to share time with my children.

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Gigi,

Definitely seek legal advice and do not agree to anything verbally. They waffle back and forth and because he wants a divorce so quickly, that tells me he is hiding something and most likely ow. The ow and his new found friends are telling him what he should and should not do. Unfortunately, he doesn't realize that you are smarter than what he thinks.

All he cares about is getting out from under the marriage w/o you finding out that there may be a third party in the marriage and wants his freedom and money.

Protect you and your children and most importantly, protect your assets. Do not allow this man to sway you into doing something you aren't ready for. After all, you are the mature one right now and you need to take care of you and your family and if that means staying in the home for a while, then do so.

If he doesn't get his way, he will attempt different ways to get you to do what he wants. Sometimes, they are nice and when you tell them you aren't drinking their latest kool-aid drink, they will turn nasty. It's all about them and truly, they do not care what happens to you or how you will survive because they are singing the "me, me, me" song.

Listen to your lawyer. Make a list of questions and ask them when you meet w/your lawyer. Do not share that info w/your h.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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He does have an ow, they dont live together, she lives with her mum and dad, she is 22! I would imagine he wants out asap because he has made promises. We can resolve amicably most things, he knows i wont leave the house until i have somewhere to move, as in i have bought a house, so we are in uk, and we are looking at 4-6 months just to sort the sale and purchase and if i buy off plan, we are waiting for the house to be built. So this could take months anyway. Im not to worried about it me and the kids wont end up homeless.

I havent shared anything with hom at all, i just outlined that i have a number of appt at the end of the months and then we can have more productive conversations re finance etc.


Oh i have experience the emotional yo yo. One minite accusing me of breaking into his emails (i havent even thought about doing that) and the next minute telling me that he will give me more money from the house sale and help me settle.
I have said the first step is to decide how we will tell the kids. So lets see if that conversation materialises.

Last edited by Gigi123; 09/04/20 01:49 PM.
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Our wedding anniversary today. Its sad, just that, no other emotions but sadness that we didnt make it.

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My WAW gave me an anniversary card even though she gave her BD a month before.

And people say Im nuts when I say shes conflicted.


"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."

Litany Against Fear, Dune
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No cards here, but came round and decided to help sort the garage out, id say he is pretty conflicted too.

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