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Originally Posted by KitCat
Ah, yes... then there is Steve keeping it real for me!


Sorry. I just think you'd do yourself a lot of favor to admit that you may have a condition that is bigger than what you can handle yourself.


Originally Posted by KitCat

Right now I feel okay with where things are at with H. I'm not panicked or having any anxeity BUT is that because I saw him today? My brain got its fix so its calm?


Yes it is because your brain got its dopamine fix for the day. Same fix that texting with him and talking to him on phone gives you.

Your brain will never get over the highs of the dopamine hit, and the lows of the withdrawals until you quit cold-turkey.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by KitCat
Ah, yes... then there is Steve keeping it real for me!


Sorry. I just think you'd do yourself a lot of favor to admit that you may have a condition that is bigger than what you can handle yourself.


Originally Posted by KitCat

Right now I feel okay with where things are at with H. I'm not panicked or having any anxeity BUT is that because I saw him today? My brain got its fix so its calm?


Yes it is because your brain got its dopamine fix for the day. Same fix that texting with him and talking to him on phone gives you.

Your brain will never get over the highs of the dopamine hit, and the lows of the withdrawals until you quit cold-turkey.


I'm aware of that. I've got what I need to get to the atty. There is no reason for us to ever meet again. Anything I get from atty I can forward via email or actually mail to him.

Interesting tid bits from today's conversation:

1) When he moved out and was out of work due to covid he was at the family farm daily as he rewired the barn and put a new roof on. He became the favorite son again. I know it felt good to him. Comparison to when we married his relationship with his mom was extremely toxic. They became nearly besties during this time when he moved out. Well, he made a comment that he was not happy that his mother was at the campsite one day.... hmmmm...

2) He was not overly happy with his bff who is his army buddy and also at this retreat. He really complained about him and my H has NEVER done that before. He will point out his short comings - like he talks over people but they have always been super close. But, he was actually glad to see his bff to leave this visit... whoaa...

3) I was going over our assets - we have already divided up accounts and credit cards so marking those off as agreed. I then also confirmed that we have agreed on household items and that he has taken everything that he felt was his... he said "couldn't take one of the couches if I wanted too... my living room won't fit a couch"... hmmm... a little buyers remorse??? HIs house is litterally 900sq ft with tech only 1 bedroom with a big walk in closet with a loft. He bought this house for its garage --- big as the whole house with a hydrolic car lift in it. This is the second time I heard him complain about his house size....

^^^Maybe the grass is appearing less green?

Not focusing on it but just an observation. The focus has to stay on me. Got a male friend of mine help me set a new weight goal --- if I make this then I will weight less than I did when I graduated college.... holy crud this will be some hard work. :-) So he is going to lit a fire under my butt which means this weekend I'm going to have to come up with some new exercises as I've totally blown out my right elbow.

I've got to stop my brain taking hits off my H.

I work tomorrow then a 3 day weekend for me!!!!

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Sounds like everything went pretty smoothly. The one hiccup you had was the "easier to stay married" comment which of course you never should have said out loud. I think you probably realize it was an intentional temperature check on your part, and it failed to yield the desired results just like the many other temperature checks.

Sounds like the two of you might be able to settle things amicably so that's good.

Keep up the GAL, you've got some good stuff planned smile


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Sounds like everything went pretty smoothly. The one hiccup you had was the "easier to stay married" comment which of course you never should have said out loud. I think you probably realize it was an intentional temperature check on your part, and it failed to yield the desired results just like the many other temperature checks.

Sounds like the two of you might be able to settle things amicably so that's good.

Keep up the GAL, you've got some good stuff planned smile


It was completely involuntary... and mumbled to myself without realizing the company I was in. Trying to figure out the pension from what was provided was not lining up with what my H was stating that he was told when he asked for the info.

I wasn't even looking at him when I said. I was looking in the opposite direction and scrolling through a computer screen. So I knew he couldn't hear me because it was mumbled and not in his direction and he has hearing issues. When he asked what I said I truly wanted to say "oh nothing"... or "not important" but I felt the need to be honest rather than being accused of hiding things from him. When I said it louder so he could hear I didn't even look at him.

Yes, overall we are calm and polite. Not a wicked word between us so a far cry from 6 months ago when he was so angry and yelling all the time. Its just sad. But, it is what it is...

I do have a lot planned. I'm staying busy.

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Made home made sugar cream pies today including pie crust from scratch... trying to find ways to stay busy!!!

Overall my mental attitude is meh right now. I had a very stressful situation at work last night and it kept me up and would let me sleep. Feel like I could burst out crying at any moment.

Trying to settle in and work on my gratitude journal.

For freaks sake I'm just overall scared and worried. I hate this part... the crash after the high.

I've got plans tonight... and I've got lots of yardwork to do tomorrow. Male bff is flying into my state today. Trying to make a list of what to do to keep each minute busy - I do not like where my mind is going today. At least I got the pies done but struggling with the rest of it.

This is just one day... I can make it through this one day.

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Ok... I have to get out of this rut and continue to keep the focus on me.

I joined a dating site today. I'm completely up front that I am separated and I'm just looking to get out and have fun... nothing serious. I need to start living life.

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Oh boy.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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Are you completely up front that you are separated and would run back to your husband in a heart beat?

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Well KK there is an old saying "the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone". Stay safe!

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I had an amazing time out at the bar with friends last night!!!! It was awesome. I had a bit to much to drink. But, hopefully we can do it again. Male bff made it into town yesterday and to the bar last night.

As for the dating site, yes its plastered on my profile I'm separated. I will mislead no one. And, it's called dating. Just because I go out with someone doesn't mean I'm in a committed relationship with them. Heck, I'm not required to go out with them again unless I want to.

I'm looking to get out of the house and have some fun and I can be frank about that. I'm not into misleading anyone. If and I state a big if someone really gets my attention or vice versa then a more serious talk is needed. But there is absolutely no reason I can't go out on hikes, dinner, bars, events with anyone I choose.

Right now I just signed up.... I haven't committed to meeting anyone yet and maybe I don't. What I really needed to do was to take a step to get out of this rut I'm in.... I'm slowly dying in this house and I recognize that.

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