KC. Glad you are getting some time away. RE: H’s behaviour. Who knows? Not really worth thinking about at this stage... I have to say...and please don’t take this as a criticism...I am a bit worried you are still having sleepless nights after two and a half years. I get the concept of standing for your marriage but detachment is a really important part of that if you want to maintain your sanity. I think that is something you need to really focus on.
Maybe you are a bit stuck because you don’t have any formal agreements in place (just assuming based on your statement about him wanting a financial agreement from you)? Is there a reason you haven’t provided him with the info he needs? I know in my sitch that when my XH presented me with a formal separation agreement for us to work on, it was a really painful event BUT it was also a big step toward detachment and ultimately to where I am at now...happy and no longer wishing things were different. It is a really great place to be KC. You can get there too. (((HUGS)))
As I said... I was sleeping well and now back to being awake at 3am.... could he any number of things.
And while H and I had a rough spot 3yr ago.... he only left the M and MH 6 1/2mo ago.
I realize I cannot make any sense as to why he is contacting about the dog treats now and especially when he knows I'm not home.... only he knows that and I'm not asking.
I guess I didn't see myself as spinning at all. Perplexed and nearly angry that he is texting when he knows I'm out of town and NOW he wants to bring dog treats???
In the past I would have certainly been spinning - what should I say, do, how to handle this, what does it mean...
I know 100% this means nothing. Certainly puzzled me for sure but ultimately I'm angry.
Its a half arsed attempt to keep me hanging on.
He will be by the house tomorrow to pick up some more things I found of his in the attic. I will NOT be here. Who knows, maybe he leaves the dog treats.
Getting slammed at work right now which is good... its keeps me focused on other stuff.
He never texts on the weekends. At most he will text Sunday afternoon or evening but hasn't done that in 3 weeks. Why is he texting me 3 times on a weekend when he knows I'm out of town???
He does it a lot more than you seem to realize. You have posted many of these "H just did XYZ and he NEVER does that, what does it mean?" posts. And we have explained to you that it doesn't really mean anything, he's just trying to maintain a little control over you and temp check to see if you're still Plan B.
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So this comes out of no where nearly 4 months later?
He does it all the time. I'm surprised you don't see it. You make a lot of posts like this.
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SIDENOTE - LH, I'm not spinning just completely perplexed. Puzzled.
That's exactly what LH means by spinning. If and when you drop the rope and he says/ does stuff like this, it will be water off a duck's back. You won't even think about it because it'll mean nothing to you. You won't post about it because you'll assign no significance to it. The fact that you've got to flip it and turn it and decipher it and examine it and post about it means one thing- you are still SPINNING. And you're in denial about it, and I think that's part of your struggle. First, accept that you're spinning over EVERYTHING from your H whether good, bad or indifferent. THEN you can work on dropping the rope.
Its really interesting what gets you angry. You seemed to be bothered only mildly about the affair but him lying about his whereabouts and him texting you while you are away and offers you dog treats gets you really angry???
On a sound note job and cadet I think the site has been hacked. I can't get on from my phone or computer but can from my IPAD. I know Ginger can't get on at all. Could be why it's so slow on the board.
LH, whoever the site admin is needs to renew the security certificate-- it has expired and so lots of browsers aren't letting folks visit because of the security risk. (I know very little about this, am sure others know more but that is what it says when I log on.)
KK, sorry to hijack... hope you are doing OK.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
He texted you while he was away and made dog treats, which are treats for the dog.....
and you are perplexed, angry, and puzzled? How is that NOT spinning. ANyone who thought "I know it 100% means nothing" would not be perplexed, angry, and puzzled over treats for the dog and texts while you are away. You wouldn't think twice about it
