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Gigi123 Offline OP
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Thank you, we were away for 2 weeks and i only sent two when he specifically asked about pictures. I dont really get inti the while exchanging the pictures thing.

He stayed at out house when we were away and took down our family pictures off the wall....i find it so odd, either he is that uncomfortable or ye brought the ow to our marital home.

I mean the man has lost it either way. I dont really know where to start any communication with him, as we are literally coasting, and its been 5 months.

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Less than 2 months after BD my W started removing all memories of "us" including a photo wall she made for one of my birthdays, which mainly had pictures of the kids, but also some photos of me and her.
That was one of the most painful events. A minor event in hindsight but I was so far from where I am now then. I couldnt even begin to understand how that could make her uncomfortable.
When we talked about it I could tell SHE really disliked seeing those things and she hadn't even thought about how I would react. They flee from the past and from responsibility and are so consumed by their new reality that they basically never think about us or our feelings.

Last edited by Mumin; 08/26/20 05:07 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Mumin #2902763 08/27/20 12:51 PM
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I asked him calmly why he took it off, he said he was uncomfortable, i just nodded and left it at that.


So something odd happened yesterday, h asked to discuss finance and how to move forward. I said he would need to cover mortgage and bills. He said fine just send me the amount.

I sent him the amount later that evening and he was sending me long txt asking if that would be enough or if i needed more for me and the boys. That he would always provide for us and make sure that we are financially ok even if he has to live god knows where......that he made a commitment and he would always see it through?!

This threw me to be honest, i mean im not going to say no to all the financial input, but i did t expect this speech that he needs to make sure that boys and i are ok and so on

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Gigi... donít read too much into it. He feels guilty. He knows that leaving his wife and kids is not a good thing to do. So heís trying to soften the blow and alleviate some of his guilt. Shows that he is a decent person...but he is still a decent person who wants to leave. He feels like he has no other choice at this point. That could change over time but I would not look for signs that it is at this stage of the game. It will only get your hopes up and set you up for more BDís in the future. Accept that this is where he is at and take the focus off of him. Do not try to figure out what and why he is doing what he is doing (youíll probably be wrong anyways) and put your attention fully on you and your kids. The more you can do that, the better off your will be in the end. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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You are right of course, it was just unexpected, as he was saying just 2 weeks ago how good ive got it and he cant keep giving me money....so was just surprised by the changes. I just said thank you and didnt enter into the emotional conversation.

Im totally concentrated on me and the boys and at the moment getting them ready to go back to school next week and getting back to work after our holiday.

I absolutely realise this wasnt a step towards our M in any way.

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Journaling, so i remember how it was in months to come.

Holidays blues, a bit of a feeling of not belonging here, kids asleep and being on my own in the house. I like my own company and space, but just nice to have had company of my family for the past 2 weeks. Family support makes a huge difference, they give me so much strength.

Some observations re H for no reason really, whenever he rings its always facetime, over the last couple of days txt turned very friendly, with compliments like you are such an amazing mum....i dont respond, this is just another phase.
All finance we agreed has materialised which takes the pressure off me.
I feel good about myself, looking forward to sorting out the garage next weekend and resurrecting the mini gym that we have in there. Some internal turmoil re work, but i dont have the resource to change that part of my life at the moment.

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Strange things are happening here, again they sone mean anything and its just a phase. H wants to stay the night at the house and out kids to bed and wake up with them and make them breakfast. He hasnt stayed here for a couple of months now definitely and only stayed for bedtime a handful of times.

All i can say is that boys will be very happy

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Just be careful Gigi. Try not to read anything into it and keep your expectations at zero. As they say on here...if your H wants to reconcile, you will not be confused about what they are saying or doing. If you are confused, then it is just more of the same. The dance WASs do between doing what they want and doing what they know they should want. In the end, the vast majority of the time, it is the former that wins out. Better to just do you and not worry what he is up to or not up to.

As an aside... I do worry about the mixed messages he is giving your sons. Kids are amazing the way they adjust when it is clear to them what is going on. However, the back and forth can get really confusing and the kids donít look at it like...ĒThis is mommy and daddy not knowing what they want and has nothing to do with me.Ē Kids are much more egocentric than that and will usually interpret their parentsí behaviour as being all about them. This is a hard enough road as it is without all the back and forth. If I were you, I would set a pretty clear boundary with my H and tell him he needs to find somewhere else to stay unless he is planning on returning for good. Just my opinion. Others may see it differently.

(((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Im with you on that one actually! He stayed the night in the spare bedroom, brought me coffee into bed in the morning, to be honest im indifferent to these actions, as they mean nothing. I feel sorry for him, he seems lost. Happy is not how i would describe him.

Re kids-yes absolutely, i have a feeling it was a one of thing and he wouldnt be asking to stay here, i realised that it was totally selfish as today he was moving out from the apartment that he was staying at elsewhere (I dont actually know where to, didnt ask). At this stage it is much healthier for the kids, daddy works during the week and comes to see you over the weekend, until we have a conversation with them.

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So getting legal advice, set myself some timescales.

H wants the house on the market, went from i will support you financially always to if we went to court ill win the kids and 70% of everything!

Was very emotional, more lies there, said that he spoke to my family (he didnt). Cried, asked me
To open up, tried to give me advice, thinks we should be friends not just coparents. Thinks that i emotionally supress children and they blossom when he is around and that they will be better off with him. Scary stuff, sounds very unstable
To me.

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