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A Message from Michele
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Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903184
09/05/20 07:34 PM
09/05/20 07:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
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kml Offline
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OMG thatís GOT to be it. Wasnít there a pyramid scheme a while back that was fancy antioxidant fruit juice in wine bottles?

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903186
09/05/20 08:23 PM
09/05/20 08:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
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Oh yeah, it was called Monavie

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903189
09/05/20 10:45 PM
09/05/20 10:45 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,598
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Dawn70 Online
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I donít know about anywhere else, but the Jehovahís Witnesses around here in South Arkansas are mailing it in due to the pandemic. I kid you not, I got an envelope in the mail yesterday from a local person whom I donít know and when I opened it, it was a letter and pamphlets. Seriously......it had my maiden name and my correct current address so Iím not sure how she found me but my mother in law got one last week.


Me 50, H52
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
4 grandkids (plus 2 on the way)
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903206
09/06/20 02:03 PM
09/06/20 02:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
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Yeah, the movie and wine thing is just so weird.....

As for his wife talking to you, a few things you said made me remember a situation I had with my ex while we were still living together. At one point several months into living sperate we started alternating who had the bedroom. I would be in the room watching the movie and she would come to the doorway to talk about about random [censored]. Iíd pause the movie and it would turn into her standing there for sometimes up to 2 hours telling me about her day at work. Now at the time I overthought the hell out of this and I really didnít know wtf was happening. This is duding the time she was texting and sneaking around with the co-worked she left me for and we both knew that was the case. The one who had another girlfriend at the same time too. Eventually I realized it wasnít about me, I was just someone who would listen and she didnít have that at the time. Being heard and validated is a powerful thing and people crave it, sometimes it has nothing to do with us past that.. Your D saying no one listens to her, but you do, is shat made me remember that. Just some thoughts.

Glad you have some relief from the poison ivy! You might want to stay away from other poisonous plants....


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903215
09/06/20 05:06 PM
09/06/20 05:06 PM
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Posts: 5,283
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So I ended up having ďmovie nightĒ it was fine. But my observations: his wife just loves talking to me probably because like you said Fogg, I listen to her. After last night I know about how her diabetes got a little worse and she is on a new medication and she sought medical advice from me. Then when my ex leaves the room, she starts venting about his sister again. She canít stand her and apparently Iím the one she wants to vent to about that. She canít stand her.

Honestly I left just feeling really sad. I cried on the way home . My Saturday night is spent with my ex husband and his affair partner. Why do I do it? Because Iíll be the bad guy to my daughter if I donít. And I donít see deserve that. Some may envy how we all get along, but it is not easy on me. Much easier than not getting along, thatís for sure, but it emotionally takes a toll on me.
At the end of the night, I drive home alone and go home alone to my empty bed. I want my own husband/ partner to do these things with. Not my ex. Not his wife. I want my own.

Iím riding along on the emotional struggle bus lately. It feels never ending . I am off the dating sites. I just canít look anymore. But when I do I think Iím going to really change my approach. I got so hyper villigant about looking for red flags, that I was ruling out everyone. I did not approach it to be fun. It takes too much to get me interested. Iím just going to chill. Take it for what itís worth.
Iím working today and tomorrow and I have really busy week coming up. D12 starts virtual school Tuesday, she has cheer practice Tuesday and Friday, Saturday is cheer pictures and homecoming game and my dad and his wife are coming. Ex and wall out our daughter for her 8th grade year. Sunday she officially becomes 13 and me, her and her dad are going horseback riding and then out to dinner. September and October are busy for me. And at the end of those busy days I sure wish I had someone . But I donít. And I donít want to put the effort in finding someone . So thatís on me.

I believe I am a really really really good person. Too good, actually. Itís a blessing aNd a curse. Lately it feels more like a curse

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903219
09/06/20 06:14 PM
09/06/20 06:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,886
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline
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Right where I need to be
Really? You arenít going to look like the bad guy to your daughter for declining some of these invitations. You donít even needs plans, you just say you have other things going on and say thanks, but no thanks. Those plans can be you watching a movie at home or whatever you want it to be, you donít need to explain it. You can put yourself first here from time to time.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Fogg] #2903224
09/06/20 07:39 PM
09/06/20 07:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Fogg
Really? You arenít going to look like the bad guy to your daughter for declining some of these invitations. You donít even needs plans, you just say you have other things going on and say thanks, but no thanks. Those plans can be you watching a movie at home or whatever you want it to be, you donít need to explain it. You can put yourself first here from time to time.


You are absolutely right. I have declined a few in the past. I should not feel bad about declining then either. We are not one big happy family. I am not his wifeís confidant .

We do always do an activity and dinner just the 3
Of us on her birthday. We will continue that.

I need to think of me. Me isnít doing all that hot lately. And if declining these invites is some self care, thatís what Iíll do.

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Fogg] #2903225
09/06/20 07:50 PM
09/06/20 07:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 227
Midwest
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Originally Posted by Fogg
Really? You arenít going to look like the bad guy to your daughter for declining some of these invitations. You donít even needs plans, you just say you have other things going on and say thanks, but no thanks. Those plans can be you watching a movie at home or whatever you want it to be, you donít need to explain it. You can put yourself first here from time to time.


Agreed. I couldn't do it. The toll it would have on my daughters would be minor compared to toll it would have on me.

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903257
09/07/20 09:11 PM
09/07/20 09:11 PM
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Work was not painful these past 2 days and it was slow. I worked with one of my fav people at my other job, so it made it easier. And time and a half! Woot woot!

My poison ivy is getting much better. Iím still pretty discolored but itís feeling so much better.

I got invited 2 places this weekend and I was unable to go because of work, but Iím sad, because I am desperate for the adult socialization.

D starts virtual school tomorrow. Sheís excited and she set up her desk so nicely. I canít believe itís her 8th grade year and then she will be off to high school. Time certainly flies. She is really a wonderful kid and though kind of a spiked unappreciative brat lately. Partially my fault. But overall sheís an incredible kid, she just happens to be becoming a very hormonal teenager. I honestly donít know whatís going to happen custody wise. She didnít take the extra day this week. And with school it might be more difficult for her to take. But I will support her if she wants to go to her dads for the extra day.

I have to admit. Iím ready for a little more normal in my life. I want to get my foot fixed to I can go back to the gym now that itís open . Iím setting up an apt this week to schedule my procedure. Itís a minor one. It will be worth it. I donít feel all that healthy. I mean, I am generally a healthy person. I almost never get sick. But I get these weird things that happen to me. And I am used to being pretty active and I havenít been. I donít think my body likes it. I need to figure something out. I donít like how I feel. I need to find a way to socialize more. I have some work events coming up which might help.


There are literally so many things I want to do but have no one to do then with. I wish there was an app for an activity buddy. Sure, I can do some myself, but they arenít nearly as fun by myself.

I admit, I often thing of M and me. Tomorrow would have been our first date anniversary. I still think ďwhat if I didnít push so much for certain things?Ē Iím still missing some closure there. The what could have been a seem so great. But they are simply what could have beens.

What actually is right now is a bit isolating. And kind of sad. But Iím hoping to find a way to make it better. I do really try. I want to feel better on physically and mentally and I think Iím just overwhelmed and donít know where to start.

My tough time of the year is coming. And all the other times are tough, but this is a seriously tough time of year to be solo. But I can do it.

I also realize I have to stop acting like such a martyr with my ex and that whole situation. I am not too good. 8 am probably just too week. Iím going to start working on that too

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903331
09/08/20 08:19 PM
09/08/20 08:19 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,598
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Dawn70 Online
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As always, I'm a day late and a dollar short, so my comments are lagging behind, but I agree with what Fogg said a few posts back. Girl, cut yourself some slack. You CAN say no to these things occasionally. Your daughter is plenty old enough to understand that you have a life outside of her dad since you are no longer coupled and you do NOT have to play big happy family just to protect her. Sure, do that for her birthday, because that is your tradition and you should totally continue that, but just random invites for movie nights and the like....h3lllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no. And, I think I said it when you first mentioned it, but you don't even have to have an actual reason for saying no. You don't owe him or his wife anything and you certainly don't have to justify yourself, so if you aren't interested in going and hanging out and playing nice, just say "no thanks" and then roll on and do your thing by yourself. I promise your daughter will survive it.

Hang in there with the hormonal teenager years. They can be quite a ride, but when y'all get through it (and you will, even if it seems pretty iffy sometimes), the other side will be amazing. Trust me...I see it from the other side now where my girls are all adults and those mornings screaming at each other and me and their dad because a shirt doesn't fit right or they don't have eye shadow to match seem like some weird tv show that I watched rather than the life I lived.

I'm sorry you are feeling so isolated and alone. It [censored] at any time, but this year even more so with all of the craziness in the world surrounding Corona. Hopefully you can find some normalcy to focus on and get you through.

I'm not sure exactly what you are referring to in the last couple of sentences, but girl, you are SO far from weak. Stop doing that to yourself because you just are not weak nor are you a martyr. You got ALL this. wink


Me 50, H52
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
4 grandkids (plus 2 on the way)
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