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A Message from Michele
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Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902491
08/22/20 04:18 PM
08/22/20 04:18 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,673
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DejaVu6  Offline OP
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Oh...and just to clarify around the future talk. It’s not like he is talking about when we get married, or live together or anything like that. More like... “when you meet my kids” or “my family is going to love you”. That kind of stuff.


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902493
08/22/20 04:47 PM
08/22/20 04:47 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
DV - ok, so we're in the five year window. being on the other side of that window, i kind of see it as a line of demarcation. There's all the yuck 0-5 and only a little yuck now, and if I'd been told the truth in real time there would very likely be a whole lot less yuck now and greater peace.

My point being - not so new that you're the rebound, but also not so far off that the longing for partnership can be super strong.

I'm glad you're taking it little by slow. Looks promising.

As for me, don't worry my friend. I'm already heaps better than I was even two days ago. Looking forward to EMDR in a week. Putting trauma to rest is a good thing.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902528
08/23/20 06:08 AM
08/23/20 06:08 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 227
Midwest
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harvey Offline
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harvey  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 227
Midwest
Timelines differ. I was told to wait a year after divorce to start dating. At 8 months, I did one month of OLD. At 9 months, I started dating my current GF. Monday is our one year anniversary. If it's been three years since his divorce, he may very well be ready for a long-term relationship.

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902547
08/23/20 09:18 PM
08/23/20 09:18 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,673
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DejaVu6  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,673
Yeah... My timeline was different too. Of course, XH was a ghost for about three years before BD so I feel like I’ve been on my own for almost six years now. Completely 100% over it. When I see him, I feel nothing...just think...there’s someone I used to love. I will always care about him, he is my kids’ dad, but that’s it. Such a blessing to genuinely feel that way and not be trying to convince myself. Free at last!!!

Brief update...you will appreciate this KML and Ginger. TDH called me today. Misses me. Says he knows it is his turn to come and see me so he is hoping either this coming weekend or the next one. He just has to work it out with his XW in terms of his kids.

So...hopefully it will happen this time. He seems motivated, that’s for sure. I told him it might be a good idea to not be ENTIRELY honest with his kids about where he is going. Having a “no lie” household doesn’t mean you tell your kids everything if it doesn’t directly impact them...especially if you know one of them won’t likely handle it well. Lesson learned I think.

Anyway...our phone conversations have shifted a bit since our meeting. There is definitely more of a realistic, let’s get to know each other really well, kind of tone as opposed to the super flirty calls before. Not that there isn’t some flirting but it feels a lot more real and comfortable.

SD20 says next time he calls, she wants to talk to him. He’ll love that, I’m sure. This should be fun...lol.


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902603
08/24/20 08:45 PM
08/24/20 08:45 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,498
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DnJ Offline
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DnJ  Offline
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Hello DV

I take a little time to convalesce, come back, catch up, and just look at all that has happened.

I am glad TDH and you hit it off. You sound very happy.

I have a similar faith in people and belief in giving benefit of the doubt. People more often than not seem to exceed expectations when allowed to do so.

Of course I’m a glass is half full guy. Immediately I see it that way. Even 10% or 1% full, never 90% or 99% empty. It’s only 100% empty or some amount of fullness. smile

Hold strong your convictions and beliefs girl, they look good on you.

D


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902637
08/25/20 01:48 PM
08/25/20 01:48 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,673
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DnJ... You are always such a big supporter of mine and I so appreciate it. I am glad you are feeling better too and hope that you are fully on the mend and this illness isn’t going to come back for another round.

TDH and I really did hit it off. There is nothing like seeing someone interact with their family and friends to give you an idea about who they are at their core. Dating aside...he is someone I would be happy to have as a friend.

Thanks for dropping by. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902653
08/25/20 03:40 PM
08/25/20 03:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
i think back to my relationships and deep friendships. those first meetings where you realize you've found a kindred spirit and it's such a joy to have long conversations or texts where you get to know the other party, and realize with every revelation that this is someone you're happy to have met, who is part of your tribe - or has the potential to be a very big part of your life. That's a great feeling, only IMO to be topped by the realization that the person isn't going anywhere, and you can both relax and take your time because you have all the time in the world.

Enjoy.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902697
08/25/20 10:58 PM
08/25/20 10:58 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,673
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DejaVu6  Offline OP
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Posts: 1,673
Thanks Bttrfly. TDH and I have definitely had our challenges already so I'm not throwing myself all in at this stage. But...he definitely is someone I think is worth getting to know better and COULD become a VIP in my world. We'll see...I am okay with whatever happens. If it wasn't going to work out, I just didn't want it to not work out because of a misunderstanding which is why I was so determined to meet him. Now that I have, I am trying to let the fates determine where this is going and stepping back from trying to control the outcome. As most of you know, this is a challenge for me so I am working hard at identifying the fears when they come up and not letting them dictate my actions. I definitely have hopes about where this might go but am very aware that I don't want to get too attached to the idea...just in case the universe has other plans. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902748
08/27/20 01:43 AM
08/27/20 01:43 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,673
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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DejaVu6  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,673
Had a nice chat with TDH today. Talked about our different needs when it comes to communication. He said he has dated a couple of people in the past two years but no one he could see having a relationship with or introducing to family members before so this is new for him. Told him I didn’t want him to feel obligated to text me or call me and he said that he is absolutely obligated...not in the way I was referring to but in the sense that he wants to see where this can go so he owes it to both of us to try his best. He also said that he has never been a phone guy so I should be patient with his “baby steps” while he takes himself out of “bachelor mode”. Works for me. I just really appreciated him bringing it up and explaining his perspective. I had already figured out he wasn’t a phone guy...lol.

We also talked about his upcoming visit and he says he is coming over on the 4th. I told him I wasn’t getting any groceries until I see the whites of his eyes...lol. He said he deserves that. Yes...yes he does. laugh


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light Part III [Re: DejaVu6] #2902754
08/27/20 11:22 AM
08/27/20 11:22 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,498
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DnJ Offline
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DnJ  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,498
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I told him I wasn’t getting any groceries until I see the whites of his eyes...

Haha. That’s pretty funny and sets a good expectation.


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
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