A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL JANUARY OFFER -- SAVE $60
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $330

CALL 303-444-7004 or use code: SAVE_$60 in the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
Living in the Light - Part II #2887059
02/24/20 05:48 PM
02/24/20 05:48 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,707
D
DejaVu6 Offline OP
Member
DejaVu6  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,707
Link to old thread... https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2882910&page=10

Saw that I was up to 10 pages so am starting a new thread. Not much to report except that I had a great weekend. I am slowly wrapping my head around the fact that I have a new job and a lot of work to do before It begins. I also have a lot of learning to do for my new position and am excited about it. This feels like icing on the cake after everything I have been through. Two years ago, I never would have predicted that I would be divorced from my H, already had a R with someone else and a break up and starting a new job as a supervisor. None of these things were in my mind in February 2018. And yet here I am. Life is full of surprises.

Day off today. Spending it with my kids. This afternoon my sister and I are taking my D12 shopping. She is growing super fast and needs some new clothes. I am also going to put some sand in the base of our basketball hoop so we can use it. Really excited about that.

A few texts with both Jack and Brook last night. Keeping things really light with both of them for different reasons. I think Jack is starting to accept that things between us are really over. We arenít talking about why things ended anymore. But he feels like he lost his best friend so we are trying to maintain that part of our relationship....from a distance.

I hadnít texted with Brook since Friday. Heís been working nights. I watched our favourite show last night and sent him a brief text about how great it was. He texted back two minutes later to say that he had pvríd it and that we would discuss it once he had watched it. Unfortunately, my phone was on silent and I had dozed off in front of the tv so I didnít reply to him for about 40 minutes. We had a short pleasant conversation after I woke up though so that was nice. I have taken a huge step back from communicating with him as often as I was. It has helped me put things into perspective and I have accepted that we may never get around to having our first real date. If all that comes out of this is a renewed friendship, I am honestly okay with it. More importantly...18 more sleeps until my tournament in Vegas!!!

Okay...off to face the day. (((HUGS))) to all!!!


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: DejaVu6] #2887086
02/24/20 07:49 PM
02/24/20 07:49 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,707
D
DejaVu6 Offline OP
Member
DejaVu6  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,707
Oh...and I heard from Facebook Guy again on Saturday. He texted that he didnít want to distract me from my tournament so we could hang out another time. He also texted me a couple times throughout the day to ask how it was going. And I saw that he had posted a few pics on Facebook during the day. Seemed like he was at home for most of the day even though he said he was going to be in my area. Hmmm... I wonder... I have this strange feeling that he might see me as someone who ďgot awayĒ. We did spend a lot of time together and I know that men donít go out of their way to meet with someone if they see them as just a friend. Especially since we havenít seen each other since last April and heís wanting to meet up now? I told him I had broken up with Jack and he said that he didnít think it would last. Didnít know he was thinking about me at all, TBH. Anyway...kinda hope I am wrong and he is just wanting to catch up with a friend because I really have friend zoned him. I donít think I am a good match for him and vice versa. I would like us to be friends though so weíll see how things unfold. Happy Monday everyone!!


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: DejaVu6] #2887177
02/25/20 05:06 PM
02/25/20 05:06 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,650
D
Dawn70 Offline
Member
Dawn70  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,650
Congrats on the new job! I'm excited for you.


Me 50, H52
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
4 grandkids (plus 2 on the way)
Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: DejaVu6] #2887271
02/26/20 02:51 PM
02/26/20 02:51 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,707
D
DejaVu6 Offline OP
Member
DejaVu6  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,707
Thanks. Now I just have to get through the next month or so... saying goodbye to my clients and mountains of paperwork. I am excited but it is bittersweet. I will miss my colleagues.

Had a long text conversation with Jack yesterday. He got a job and starts this morning. He seemed a lot lighter...I think a huge weight has been lifted and maybe I underestimated the impact it was having on him. Anyway...we talked about a lot of things and it was nice to get some things dealt with that we probably should have a while ago.

Havenít heard from Brook since Sunday. My friend saw him on Facebook Dating. So maybe he is over his upset over his XW? Who knows? Looking more and more like we will never have that first date. His loss. Iím venturing into the world of OLD again...seeing who is out there. So far...same old, same old...lol. Saw one profile of a guy who ďlikedĒ me that I would be interested in...if only he didnít live two ferry rides away. He has young kids too so thatís a no go. Done the long distance thing before...itís an exercise in futility if neither of you can move. No point in even going down that road.

Anyway...more importantly...16 more sleeps until Vegas!!!! Canít wait!!!


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: DejaVu6] #2887949
03/03/20 03:15 PM
03/03/20 03:15 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,707
D
DejaVu6 Offline OP
Member
DejaVu6  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,707
Okay...well...2x4 time. So...Jack stopped by last Wednesday on his way back from work (my town is halfway between his work and home). He was different somehow. Smiling... a lot. Talkative. Open. Very, very happy to see me... missed his ďbest friendĒ. Guess one can never really underestimate the power of getting a job when one has been unemployed for an extended period of time. Anyway...we hugged...and it felt really, really nice to have his arms around me again. Too nice. Then one thing led to another and well...he ended up staying the night and the next day I heard myself inviting him to stay at my place until I leave for Vegas while he looks for a place of his own.

I am a weak, weak person but man...he has SERIOUSLY upped his game. Everything that was bothering me about him before seems to be a non issue. He is just different. He is texting me paragraphs instead of one-word answers. He randomly sends me texts when he is on his breaks. He is affectionate and the sex is...sigh...addictive. Before I had to guess about what he was thinking and feeling and now I donít have to guess at all. Heís apologized for being so distant. He said it wasnít me...he was just kind of numb to everything and didnít feel worthy of me. Said a part of him wanted me to break up with him but that he knew he couldnít handle letting me go. Says I am beautiful and kind and doesnít think he will ever meet as fine of a person as me. Tells me he loves me and values the time we spend together for as long as we have left. And there is the million dollar question... exactly how much time is that?

Argh!!! I am such an idiot. I love him. I do. He has a lot of great qualities and he is honest and I know would not cheat on me. Like me, he says it is just not something he has ever done or could do. But the age difference is still a major factor and Iím not sure I can get past it. It is fine now...while I still look 40...but that isnít going to last. And he hasnít been married or had kids or done a lot of things I have done already. He could still find someone younger than him and do all that. And while he is perfectly happy to throw that away today, what about five years from now? He will be 44 and I will be 57.

And then there is my family. My kids are not a problem. They just live in the moment and they like him. I asked them if it would be okay if he stayed with us for a bit and they said they would be totally fine with it. My other family, though, are not on the same page. They know the Jack from before and think he is completely wrong for me. I get it. If I were them, I would too. Jack and I did talk about his social anxiety. He says when he is in a group of people, he feels like his brain is in a wheelchair and he canít think of what to say...is worried about being misunderstood or judged. Having said that, he came to my pool league last night and said hi to my friends and was a lot friendlier than he has been albeit still quiet. My sister gives him a hard time whenever she sees him and tells him to stop yelling. And then there is XHís mom. I still have not told her Jack is staying with me for a couple weeks. I know she will not be happy. I am kind of hoping she doesnít notice right away. She did say hi to him last Thursday when he first arrived but their paths havenít crossed since. I know she will disapprove so I am avoiding.

Anyway...that is the latest update. I was doing the OLD thing for awhile but am off of it until I figure out this thing with Jack. Didnít see one guy I wanted to swipe right on. I am not a fan of the Grizzly Adams look and honestly, dating is exhausting. And Brook has pretty much disappeared so that is a dead end as well. IDK what Iím doing. Part of me says to just enjoy my time with Jack and the great sex and the way that he looks at me and live for the moment. The other part of me says I am playing with fire and one or both of us is just going to get hurt in the end. Sigh...why is life so fricken complicated?!?


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: DejaVu6] #2887986
03/03/20 06:11 PM
03/03/20 06:11 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,529
K
kml Offline
Member
kml  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,529
Well - you have to think about what you want. It's an age gap but only a huge one IF he wants to have kids someday. If the tables were reversed nobody would think twice about a man being with a woman 13 years younger at these ages.

I'll admit, I think about romantic disappointments differently after my divorce. Nothing really seems as big as the breakup of a 26 year relationship with three kids. I accept that I very well might never have a "forever:" partner again. (Really, at my age, even a "forever" partner might die on me at any time).

So I find that I'm more open to relationships that might not last forever.

What you have to ask yourself is this: if we had ten happy years together and then broke up, would I be happy I had those ten years, or mad that I wasted that time when I might ( MIGHT) have found a longer term partner in that time?

Also - are the things that you were dissatisfied with in the relationship really better, or is this a temporary change?

Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: DejaVu6] #2887992
03/03/20 07:06 PM
03/03/20 07:06 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
D
doodler Offline
Member
doodler  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Then one thing led to another and well...he ended up staying the night...

Jack in the box?

Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: DejaVu6] #2887993
03/03/20 07:11 PM
03/03/20 07:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,470
G
Ginger1 Offline
Member
Ginger1  Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,470
Hello!


I hope this doesnít come out wrong, but how do you go from broken up to him moving in for a few week?!!

I understand if you want to entertain the though of dating him again..... taking some time to see if his changes are real, but the broken up to moving in for a while is a little extreme, no?

Remember how you just kind of felt bad for him when brook was in the picture and you were riding that high?

I think you might have the tendency to be a little impulsive and ride the highs? Maybe go from one extreme to the next?

Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: doodler] #2887994
03/03/20 07:12 PM
03/03/20 07:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,470
G
Ginger1 Offline
Member
Ginger1  Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,470
Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Then one thing led to another and well...he ended up staying the night...

Jack in the box?



Iím dying!

Re: Living in the Light - Part II [Re: doodler] #2887997
03/03/20 07:24 PM
03/03/20 07:24 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,938
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,938
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by doodler
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Then one thing led to another and well...he ended up staying the night...

Jack in the box?


you're on fire today KD or should I say DK (Doodler King, or Dead Kennedys, a darn fine band)


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

One, Two, Three, Give it to God
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004