Posted on another thread about how before the initial BD I thought I was possibly facing H having dementia. Once the BD happened, it went away.
Anyway, my D25 told me that she told him he was having a MLC, he did not reply, and she thought that it began 2016-2107. Today, as I exercised (loving the pain it puts me through, I’m burning energy, great investment) I was thinking back to that time, he only wanted to watch old tv shows, like shows that were popular when we were kids. This is not a nostalgia thing, he literally will even now, watch reruns only. He can not grasp and concentrate on anything like a movie or mystery drama. Before the BD, we would go to the movies watch series on Netflix and have conversations about what we watched.
Thinking now, back at BD, I was so worried he was losing his memory. I now think he was trying to deal with thoughts that were bringing whatever trauma he experienced to the forefront and he was trying to ignore them. Watching old “Hawaii five-o” and “Beverly Hillbillies” and even “Andy Griffith” (I love that show too) was probably a comfort that took him in his mind to a different place.
None of these thoughts help now. It just helps me know that I am dealing with a damaged man who is spiraling. It helps me want to stand, but also makes me realize that if this was starting to happen four years ago and the BD didn’t happen for maybe three years, he processes slowly and I need to continue on my path where the only pain is from exercising. 😉
Anyway, chime in if you like. Have a nice day. PLC
Most WASs are in a crazy state where they don’t remember things. Many who come out of it afterward will flat out deny having said or done certain things. I think it’s a feature of their depression.
That being said, true dementia can present as mood and behavior changes in some people. For those dealing with a loved one with true dementia, Dr Bredesen has just released a new (and better - more practical) sequel to his first book. It’s called The End of Alzheimer’s PROGRAM (as opposed to his first book which was just The End of Alzheimer’s ).
So today, I worked. When I came home D25 was on a conference call and H was in the bedroom, door closed.
I got changed, and I did 30 minutes exercise. When I was done, D was done and she left to see a friend from a distance, I took my shower, made dinner, read some and watched some tv. During this time, D came home and joined me. I heard H get up to use the restroom, but he never ventured out where we were.
I realized he has no where to go. His friends have families and jobs. His OW is in another country. He literally leaves for work early, and stays out and when he has no where left to go he comes home. His dad, who I can write a book on, lives in a nearby city and H doesn’t even visit him.
How hard this must be for him, to be so closed off, self imposed, but still. I did what I would do if he was eating with me or not. I also may have been laughing at my book, without a care in the world.
A friend of mine told me the water at the beach is warm here, so I think tomorrow afternoon I will head there,
Anyway, my thoughts tonight, as much as this is excruciatingly hard, I think it’s is worse for him.
You are probably not wrong PLC. I remember having similar thoughts about my H during the thick of it. He had lied to so many people and had been doing it for so long... it must have been very lonely. No wonder he clung onto OW like a life preserver...that’s exactly what she was and, I suppose, continues to be. But...at the end of the day, you need to keep the focus on you and on creating a life that does not include him. It’s the only way forward as much as I know it isn’t what you want. I didn’t want it either. I felt like the people on this forum almost dragged me towards it at times because I definitely fought it. But over time, I realized that I didn’t NEED him to be okay. I needed me...whole and healed. It is a hard, hard road...no doubt. But when you get to the end of it, you will look back and be so happy it was the one you took.
Your beach idea sounds wonderful. Enjoy. (((HUGS)))
I don’t know why, but i tossed and turned all night. I mean, why now?
It’s weird, he is only here to sleep. I am basically living here “alone” (D is here, but will eventually get a job and move out and on).
I can’t tell you the last time I planned anything with him in mind. Laundry is still in the basket. I have made him a roommate as had been suggested here.
Hopefully today I can get this feeling of uncertainty that I have dealt with. I don’t like it.
Tonight, I finally headed to the beach after work. D at first wanted to come, then changed her mind. It was surprising to see how many people were getting there at 5:30 like me.
I sat in the sand, ate dinner and read a book. I watched the waves, the flying kites and the windsurfers. H did not enter my thoughts as I have tried to mentally intercept thoughts regarding him and focus on something else.
He came home earlier when I was home for lunch and went straight to the bedroom and closed the door. When I left for the beach after work he was there. I just came home about a half hour ago and he’s in there.
Tonight, I will make plans for things tomorrow and a grocery list.
