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Originally Posted by ovrrnbw

The choice is simple: you can experience the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

Discipline for football players meant hard work in practice, discipline and coordinated team actions, weight room, conditioning, character choices, and learning from mistakes. Pain of regret was watching yourself shoot yourself in the foot, make mental errors, and being lazy.

So what do you choose?

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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2901436#Post2901436

Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
You never find out how strong you are until you are put to the test. Life is one big mental test.

I like to focus on small tasks that accomplish the bigger goal and do them one at a time. Each small success should snowball into the bigger one.

Sometimes you have to reward yourself and go GAL or relax or do something for yourself to keep your morale high.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2902030#Post2902030

Originally Posted by funbun
What I am also beginning to realize is that the woman that I love is not the same woman that STBXW is currently. I love who she was before: this affectionate, charming, strong and funny person. I mourn not for STBXW, but for the fact that I am losing the woman that I love, that is no longer here or perhaps never even existed.


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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2902077#Post2902077

Originally Posted by LB55


For those just starting on this journey...it is long and arduous. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be many mis-steps along the way. Crazy plot twists and things that are simply designed to get a reaction out of you to see if youre still paying attention. Live your life...live it the way you'd like...if your spouse chooses to rejoin you...then you'll be happy...if they don't...then you'll be happy...this is because you've chosen to be happy with yourself and your life.

I have also learned to ask for what I want and be ok if what I want causes others to dislike me or my choices...in the past I usually just did what I thought everyone else wanted me to do...total NGS. I am re-reading that book again with different perspective to keep myself aware and not fall back into old habits.


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Originally Posted by DejaVu6

When you find yourself wanting to send her something or call her or do anything to contact her... come on here and post about it instead. If you can follow this one rule, you will be way ahead of the game.

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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2902309#Post2902309

Originally Posted by LB55


You know for a long time I did let my happiness hinge on my marriage. It was all I had. I didn't have much else other than work...and that isn't a healthy lifestyle. I felt like such a failure; I didn't want to tell anyone, I wanted to hide in my bed all day, and most of all I just wanted to fix it. It took me a good while to come to the realization that I couldn't fix it. I am soooooo good at fixing things...but a marriage isn't a 'thing' I could fix...because I didn't break it.

I certainly contributed to the breakdown...I was an awful communicator and I never asked for what I wanted. I failed to live in the moment; instead always focused on the future or the past and trying to prevent future failures of anything and everything. So many things I have taken from the experience and the loss that I will apply going forward. Most importantly I am starting to repair friendships that disappeared over the years; that has been really good for me to know that those folks aren't judging me and are happy to know that I am ok.



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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2853949#Post2853949

Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Where you stand right now, right this second is she is done with you. She doesn't like you and may even find your presence repulsive. The ONLY way you can combat that is to pull back and give her loads of time and space. Remove all pressure, very important. Leave her alone, work on yourself. DO NOT ask about the M, or what she's thinking, or what the future is. Remove all pressure and she will probably put things in a holding pattern until she sorts out how she feels. With lots and lots of time she may very well change her mind. You've got to be very patient!


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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2903037#Post2903037

From Tagline
Originally Posted by Valeska19

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.


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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2903422#Post2903422

Originally Posted by Gigi123
Pretend you are not interested. When I had IC at the very beginning, she suggested treating him as if he is a patient, you might find him irritating, you might get angry, but never show him your emotions and remain professional at all times. I know its difficult to do, but the more you try, the more it works.


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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2903583#Post2903583

Originally Posted by unchien
You don't have to do anything. Your emotions are controlling you right now. Until you understand that, you will continue to make unskillful decisions.

You CAN tolerate intense emotions without doing anything. Try it. It may be excruciating. Force yourself to do it. Then do it again. And again. "Wow," you might say at some point in the future, "I was like a brainless monkey responding to my emotions. Now that I have this newfound emotional awareness, I can *choose* how to respond to situations. I feel empowered, centered, grounded. I feel amazing."


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