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she said her EX and some of the previous guys she dated always demanded something sexual in return for doing or buying her something


Wow, thats creepy! Where are you located? Is that some kind of regional or ethnic thing? Im sure a few men have bought me dinner thinking I might go home with them after but nobody has ever suggested a BJ for a dress or any such thing!!!

Sounds like youre doing a great job with thoughtful dates.

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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Rooskers, thats exactly what I mean..... the way you treat your lady and court her, thats how it should be! And that is so horrible that men expect sex in exchange for nice romantic gestures. I am fortunate that has never happened for me. They just usually do the bare minimum until they get some.

The way you date your girl is how I want someone to date me. And you must really like her and respect her. Which is KEY.

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Chiming in here with some past history and perhaps TMI.

My ex didn't like sex and certainly didn't like being asked for it. So - weirdly - early in our marriage she told me that she would reliably put out on Sunday mornings IF I left her alone otherwise. Occasionally she would get in the mood on other days - usually if she wanted something. She said it put me in a more agreeable mood.

So that was the pattern for 26 years. Sunday mornings, if she was feeling up to it and if it wasn't anywhere around "that time of the month". I got really good at counting 28 days.

When we were empty nesters, we started going out for breakfast together every Sunday morning and then doing the groceries. I still remember being baffled when she would say that because there was no booty that she was sad that we wouldn't go out for breakfast. Excuse me?? Breakfast is my favorite meal booty or non.

Now while I have heard a lot of stories that it is now "normal" to expect sex for little investment, the idea of it being some sort of "pay back" has a long history in our society.

Makes me feel bad in some ways for the OM in my situation that he is stuck with those attitudes. But not very.

I've certainly found that no strings attached sex is a whole lot more fun and I no longer have to stare at the calendar.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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darlin I can buy my own stuff, thanks. I pity the man who tries that on me, ever.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

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Good grief Andrew! No wonder youre so tolerant now that youre getting unscheduled sex!

My exH has no idea how good he had it!

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Geez, once a week doesnt sound too bad, even if it is scheduled. The last few years of my M it was average once every 3-6 weeks.. Yes, weeks. I dont even know whats normal after everything I went through with my ex. Having physical touch as a love language just made it more difficult to process..

Ginger, I get the frustration with people not trying, Im sure if feels terrible after taking care of yourself for so long and getting to a place where youre ready to be in a relationship, only to keep finding people who arent. I think theres been a lot of good comments so far related to that. I have very little dating experience but I can already see frustrations building with how shitty dating in general is. I can see why someone might sort of give up with it all after constantly putting in effort, yet never work out. Im glad youre finding what you will and will not put up with. I still believe youll find what your looking for, it may never have been in the timeline you wanted, but I believe it will happen for you.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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Everyones different and thats ok, but I was with my ex for 26 years and we averaged 2-3 times a week throughout our marriage. Maybe more like 3 times earlier and 2 times later but pretty steady throughout. He was an idiot.

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Sigh. So, I finished crazy day 6 out of 7 for work. This week began cheerleading, so its a new sort of running around around and pressure on the schedule. My ex doesnt actually partake in all of this . Tonight after cheer she has a friends birthday party until 11pm. My diet has been awful this week woth all the running around, also my daughters. But I did manage to get her fed. One night with a healthy meal. I went out to dinner with my cousin last night and it was fun and we promised to make it an every 2 week thing.

Ive been having an extra special string of bad luck lately. The dumbest stuff I couldnt even make up if I tried. Pretty much want to lay in my bed just avoid the outside world for at least a week. Not an option.

Me and that guy are done. After this weekend, I said no way. He was lame about effort and what happened this weekend, and I just said, well, good luck to you! And he said whats, thats it?. He still texts. I give one word answers. Forget that. I decided to delete my dating apps for now. It stinks out there. And I am not in a place to go through anymore bad to get to the good. Many years has been enough, and if I dont break, I go nuts.


The highlight of my day is seeing a COVID patient who was on the brink of death WALK back in to thank everyone. He was my dads age, a strong guy, worked out every day ...ZERO comorbidities, and healthier than most 30 year olds.... he ended up on a vent with critical illness quadriplegia ( he became so ill he became so deconditioned he couldnt move) he went to an acute inpatient rehab and now he is as good as new. Its unreal to see . And it was definitely tear jerking .

Today would have been my 16th wedding anniversary which is stupid to think about as I was only married for 4 years, and hes been married for 9 years already. Just another day. Although it was also one year ago today Ms moms house burnt down. I hope the repairs are done and shes back in. I imagine it is and thats why he put himself back in the dating market.

Anyways.its just me myself and I trying to get through some challenges again.

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That's so great about the patient returning. That's one thing people don't realize when they try to minimize the fatality rate - just because you SURVIVE it doesn't mean it's a trip to Hollywood! Being on a ventilator is a horrible experience.

I think we should just write off 2020 btw. This year is freaky. And good for you setting higher expectations from your dates.

(((((HUG)))))

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Full disclosure: my poison ivy is somewhere it should not be causing me incredible discomfort and pain. I am so incredibly miserable, its not funny. I got a steroid shot today, and that on top of other meds I have pretty much no relief. Only ice relieves me. The only thing the steroid has done for me is make me ravenous and Ill probably just gain an extra 10 lbs I cant afford

I completely Day 7/7 Of work today. Today I had a very heavy case load so I worked an hour late.
My daughter. Ha hes her birthday party again because of her cheerleading and now its next Friday night and back to a sleep over. So I will work and come home and set up for an outdoor camping sleepover and Ive got a week to prepare.

I am just miserable and want to never leave my bed. Im hating life right now, quite honestly. I need a break and I think it might never come .

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