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It seems ironic that a lot of people I know that finally reach a point where they stop looking and just enjoy life by themselves end up finding a person. Maybe just enjoy the time with D12 and explore new things on your own and don't even worry about finding another person. At the worst you will find a hobby you enjoy and grow closer to D12.


1st BD December 26, 2008
PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008

2nd BD May 23, 2019
Daughter confirms EA
Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
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kml Offline
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Can I just say it's pretty hypocritical for those of us who found partners on OLD to criticize the quality of people on OLD??? I mean, sure, there's lots of crappy people online - as there are in any bar in town I might walk into. Sure, you might have a better chance of finding a compatible person in a special interest activity - but you'd have to meet a lot more people to find someone single and available. The simple reality is that everyone is OLD these days, and the quality is no better no worse than elsewhere. (Actually probably the least compatible guy I dated was the one guy who picked me up in the real world.) And for someone like G who is super busy, OLD offers the opportunity to meet many more men than she would in other avenues.

I DO think, though, G, that you should focus on your friendships. Having a good best friend and a good "crew" of people in your corner can ease a lot of the loneliness and fill some of what you've been looking for in your dates.

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What can I say? Iím a hypocritical b!tch. And I have a right to my opinion just like everyone else. I found someone on OLD but the quality, overall, was much lower. Sadly, though, I live in a relatively rural area so there arenít a lot of organic ways to meet people as there would be in larger and more urban populations. My overall point was that maybe G is in a rut because she is seeing the same people who, for the most part, are not ideal choices over and over again. Call me hypocritical all you want because I actually never denied that I was but I stand by what I said.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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kml Offline
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Didn't mean to offend you Dawn. It's just that everybody here complains about the quality of OLD, yet WE are the people OLD and we're a pretty fine bunch. I think it gets a bad rap when the reality just is, after a certain age, a lot of people left in the dating pool, no matter where that pool is, have baggage. But I'd say I met much better matches for me online than I ever met in clubs, I've never met anyone through work, I did through school but I'm no college student anymore. I've never met anyone through music (although I have many friends through it) and no groupie has ever asked me out after a performance. OLD is just an efficient way to screen a large number of available people to see if there's someone you'd like to meet. Some people are better at the screening process than others (my best friend just cannot tell from a profile whether she'd like someone in person or not) but it works for an awful lot of people, that's why it's so ubiquitous.


Last edited by job; 08/07/20 12:48 PM. Reason: edited a word for kml
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Iím not offended at all. Iím very hard to offend actually so it is all good. While I donít disagree that it works for some people, I am quick to admit, in my case while I met Sparky through OLD, he was in the vast minority of actual quality at least in my area. I canít even begin to tell you the number of losers that populate OLD sites in this neck of the woods. It is sad, really, but Iím not all that physically attractive so bars and things like that donít work for me. I actually donít know anyone who bars do work for unless they are just looking to hook up. Does OLD work? Yes. Are there quality men and women there? Yes. Are there losers? Yes. Same as IRL. In some ways I agree that it is easier to screen out the bad ones but the flip side of that is that it is easier to hide bad stuff longer. People have to do what works but they also need to try other things when the same ole same ole isnít working.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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Well, hello everyone. I do love coming here and reading everyone;s perspecitves, opinions and suggestions and the different views give me alot to explore.

OLD- My feelings about it. It is the best chance a working single mom has to meet people. And now that we have a "new norm" it is probably the only way, quite honestly. Where and how could I possibly meet anyone else? Work: well, apparently married men. WHICH btw, I would never ever act upon ever in a million years. I work at a community hospital, there are no single available men. I can't do my exercise anymore at gyms with groups where i could meet a guy or someone who could hook me up with a guy. Organically has become near impossible where I live. Nothing group related or social is happening. And it's sad.

The quality: 2 out of those 3 of my blasts from the past on bumble I had met offline. Set up with one, the other, known through my friend. We weren't even set up when we went out years ago. We had a common dislike for someone that brought us together. I have met some non-winners off line as well as online. I don't think the quality online is any different that what I have met in person. There is a higher volume online so a bigger chance of more failures. The recent guys I have met aren't even "low quality" just not what I am looking for and the chemistry wasn't there for me. The one stunk who just ghosted me, but whatever. Truth be told I know plenty of successful online relationships. I just haven't been so fortunate online or in person for that matter.

FOcusing on friendships
- well, the pandemic kind of killed those for me too. My best friend and I haven't seen eachother since the beginning of the year. We are connected less than we have ever been before. My other close friends live kind of far, but I do see them when I can. I have become closer to my coworkers lately and been more social out of work which has been really nice because I work with incredible humans. But unfortunately my friendships aren't fulfilling my craving for emotionally intimacy and closeness.

NOt Looking and having the right person walk in when I least expect it. It's been almost 13 years. I have had my periods of not wanting anyone just doing me, and I am always focused on my D12. Our R is great. In the last 13 years when I wasn't looking, no one has ever magically appeared in my life. It has never worked that way for me. I feel like I almost depend too much on my R with my D for my companionship. She is just about 13 with friends and a little life of her own. She will also be spending more time with her dad. I love her so much and legit enjoy doing stuff with her. I'm happy I don't have a kid who hides in her room when I am home and hangs out me with. It won't be much longer I'm sure.

I do think swiping through bumble is not the best idea. It becomes more discouraging. ANd I am in just about the weirdest headspace right now.

Raw, honest truth: I want a guy to care about me. I want someone to take care of me emotionally. To give a cr@p about me. To be a little head over heels about me. To pursue me. To think I am special. BUT NOT for the reason of me not being able to do any of that for myself. I have been doing it for so many years. I don't want to do it all myself anymore. I so want to experience this before I die. Maybe it sounds crazy or pathetic, but I truly desire this. ANd I really just find emotionally distant men. I want to be able to lean on someone.

That being said, I am going to step back. When I saw M in person thinking it could have possibly been a new GF, I handled that better than the online dating profile. See what he desires, how he presents himself, those pictures. That has affected me and i don't know why. I think I hate that he broke up with me. Shot my ego. I should have been the one to break up with him

on another note. We had a tropical storm here. Took out tons of power, and downed trees and one huge huge branch fell on my patio. I was going ot go buy a saw or something and take care of it. But without asking, my ex showed up at my house with his chainsaw and cut it all up and bagged it. and fixed a part of my dishwasher. WTF? Seriously. It makes me nuts. I have him a package of frozen hamburgers he likes and a sincere thank you. But it baffles me and messes with my head.Oh, and I am one of very few to have power so I have been supplying people i need of bags of ice and space in my freezer. I do what I can.

That was a long one. If you made it, kudos. But I always appreciate everyones perspective and support.

My life is very uncomfortable right now. ANd for the first time in a long time, part of me is slightly scared of my current situation. I am usually a tough guy, but not right now. I dont know why, but i have become really uncomfortable with being alone. ANd I always have been COMFORTABLE with it, even if I desired a partner. But now I am uncomfortable with it. But i am not to the point where I will be with anyone not for the sake of being alone. But if I am being truly honest, it's the first time I feel very unsettled and like i need someone.

So now is maybe the time to walk away from looking for anyone. SO I don't make any stupid choices. ANd it would probably benefit me to get to the bottom of this weird place I am not familiar with.

I think I am having a pandemic MLC

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Hi Ginger,

Glad to hear youíre forming closer bonds with your coworkers, even if itís not the same.

Boo for your ex. :p

I hope you find that special someone to share your life withówithout forgetting your must-haves and cant-stands! If I understand right, you filter by chemistry and keep ending up with emotionally unavailable men. I wonder if chemistry is a good guide for you? A fair share of people, myself included, seem to have semi-broken ďpickersĒ. wink



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Hi CW. Thanks for stopping by. I really hope I find the one Iíd like to spend my time with one day too. Itís a tough process for sure. When I say chemistry.... itís not the fireworks and such. I know that does t always happen upfront. And actually didnít for the one one I iced the most. I think j mean more compatibility mixed in with some excitement to see the person again

Tonight I went on another date with the guy I had the date with many years ago. To my surprise.... we really enjoyed each others company.. and we had a kiss....... and I kind of liked it. More than our first kiss many years ago.

Iím really trying to process my feelings. I didnít expect this. I feared him kissing me and not feeling anything. And now I did feel..... something. And I donít know what to do with it because I didnít expect it.

Itís all so weird .

Like I said, everything is weird.

Oh well. Today was a really challenging day at work. We were short staffed with challenging cases. But things I realize: o am very respected at work. Everyone reaches out to me with difficulties and their challenges, including y new boss. A young nurse on our floor got physically attacked by a man withdrawing from alcohol last night..... so traumatizing.... and she came to me to share and get some support. I am someone others look up to...... yet Iím such a mess. Ironic. Test others see me as totally together .

And I have a patient who is the mother in law to someone famous. Canít say, because that would be a violation of HIPAA...... but we had the most lovely conversation today about the life and everything going on in World.

Some days I think Iím a mess. Yet others think Iím totally together...... maybe I am not as bad as I think I am

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I have one patient who is a quite famous older singer and she is just the loveliest, most spiritual person imaginable. I feel lucky to know her.

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(Funny story - when I first saw her name on my schedule, I though ďgee, must be tough to go through Life with the same name as a famous person!Ē Lol)

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