A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL OFFER TO INTRODUCE YOU TO DB COACHING
Save $75. Offer for new clients and available October 26 - 30 only
SINGLE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE SESSION FOR ONLY $100

CALL 303-444-7004

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2903143
09/04/20 10:34 PM
09/04/20 10:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
K
kml Online
Member
kml  Online
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
Quote
"well obviously fixing up the back porch has never been something you are interested in doing". Or the zinger "you keep saying they're not your kids".


AS for statement number 1, I'd say from the pictures that I've seen it wasn't a priority for you - but why should it have been? You had an awful lot on your plate. The state of my front yard since CMM's cancer diagnosis isn't anything to write home about either, but priorities are priorities.

As for statement number 2, I agree with the posters above - THEY'RE NOT YOUR KIDS!. They may become your kids, over time, as the relationships grow between you and them, but right now, they're her kids and you're the relatively new boyfriend. What was the context of her statement? I can see she might feel the fantasy isn't quite materializing like she thought it would, with one big seamless Brady Bunch melding of families. I think it's appropriate to discuss with her that while you're committed to having the boys there and trying to help them grow up to be men, it's far too early for you to be assuming the complete step-father role and they wouldn't appreciate it either. It takes time (and I suspect patience isn't one of her strengths).

Quote
I was talking to S about this and was rather surprised that she had zero interest in seeing San Diego. It's supposed to be quite a lovely city.


It IS a lovely city, with perfect weather most of the time and lots of fun things to do! Is S just not that interested in travel in general, or doesn't like beaches, or is intimidated by the idea of meeting your daughter? It'll really be a shame if you don't get to visit while your daughter is here, but the way things are going with Covid, that might not happen.

Quote
"Because reasons" I've not been sleeping well lately and have been having very vivid dreams
This might have less to do with your relationship with S and more to do with your recent procedure and the fears that stirred up. Thank god I stopped having those kinds of dreams about my ex within a couple of years of our divorce.

Quote
I do keep in mind as well S's comments that she has never celebrated a first anniversary.
I do suspect this is because none of her previous guys had a clue and would put out the effort to make her feel special. My ex was capable of romantic gestures but was very hit -and -miss about Valentine's Day, saying it was too commercialized. But in retrospect I can see that his interest in the holiday waxed and waned with his interest in other women outside the marriage, whether theoretical or physical. Silly me, being so understanding and undemanding. Do your relationship a favor and make her feel special on that day.
Quote
she pre-expects things to be going sideways
I believe this is true, so make a nice gesture. Dinner date out, a piece of jewelry, flowers, you know how to do this. (Best Valentine's Day I had was Crazy Ex Boyfriend sneaking in and filling my bedroom with helium balloons in the middle of the night. Too bad I learned after his breakdown that he did the same for OW too lol. )

Quote
Keeping her mother's coats "just in case one of the girls might want them" or all of the items purchased cheap - many of which have never been used and still have the original stickers on them - are all things that are going to be tough on her to deal with.
This is some real hoarding/shopaholic behavior (aided by a poverty mindset). (Unless they're mink coats of course!). This is something you're going to have to help her get under control now before you end up on an episode of Hoarders. (Do you get that show in Canada?). Also a good reason to keep her on an allowance for shopping.

Quote
I've also noticed an increasing tendency for jealousy with S. The "who's that" and "where do you know that person from" sort of questioning is increasing.
I never had a jealous boyfriend before CMM and I must say, I don't care for it. But I suspect in his case - and in hers - it comes from a place of deep insecurity. In CMM's case, it's the feeling of "I'm just some ailing guy with stage 4 cancer and she could have anybody!" (In his minds I'm not a chubby middle-aged woman but some kind of goddess - I'll leave beer goggles on for now wink ). In S's case, she probably feels a similar sense of "what is he doing with me and all my baggage" but also you haven't exactly done a lot of socializing as a couple due to Covid and moving. Might be something to work towards in the future.

Quote
The subject of retirement came up. Even though technically I could have retired more than a year ago at 55, my plan is to work until 72. That maximizes my monthly retirement income. If I hadn't gotten the $200K financial hit from my divorce I could have probably comfortably retired at 65 or possibly even earlier if I did part-time work.

S doesn't currently seem happy about this although it's something I've been open about since we started dating. We'll see how that all works out.
What's your sense of why she's not happy about that? Is it because she liked having you home and thinks she would like that in retirement? Do you think it's because she wants to go off and retire and play golf every day? Or do you think it's because she's worried about your longevity and wants you to enjoy retirement while you can? One thing to explain to her is that you enjoy your work - some people have trouble with that concept if they haven't had the pleasure of work they enjoyed.

Speaking of work - how far are you from S starting her business up that you had discussed? Is it just dead in the water because of Covid for the moment, or is it just waiting for her to finish unpacking? Is the stuff she has all laid out things that she wants daughter to choose things from, or help her decide what to keep or not? Is that an activity you could do with her or is it best you stay out of it?

I know you feel a bit of a dip right now, and it's understandable with the fear and worry on both sides precipitated by your health issues. And there is the problem of moving in cutting into date time. But I agree with you that this is probably just a natural temporary state of affairs and it's ok to keep working on your communication skills at the moment. I do think she's scared and pushes you away out of fear of abandonment.

Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2903173
09/05/20 02:28 PM
09/05/20 02:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,365
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
AndrewP  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,365
Canada
Thanks all.

Originally Posted by LH19
What does Andy want?
That's an excellent question and one that I honestly haven't given much thought to in recent months. Been too busy just getting from one day to the other.

Originally Posted by Dawn70
(((Andrew)))

Not sure why but reading that just made me think you need a virtual hug.
Thanks Dawn - it's well needed

Originally Posted by Dawn70
That made me wonder...does she not celebrate them because the relationship doesn't last long enough or does she not celebrate them because neither she nor the men she has chosen in the past are really much on that type of stuff?
Some from column A and some from column B. From her side, all her past partners were selfish man-babies. The truth is undoubtedly something different.

Originally Posted by Dawn70
I get the sense that you are a pretty good communicator, though you are very conflict avoidant (because come on now, who truly likes to fight?)
Thanks. After I found out about her affair my ex-wife was I think afraid of me because of her belief in my ability to use words to lift up a slab of skin, salt it and lay it back down. I usually use my powers for good wink I actually have a lot of difficulty in being negative about anything or anyone. It's not in my DNA. Communication is though 90% of what I've done professionally for 35 years or so, the other 10% being math these days it seems.

Originally Posted by Dawn70
I also get the sense, based on things that you say, that S is not at all a good communicator and that she takes a more aggressive approach. She seems very suspicious and maybe that is part of her old relationships carrying over to you. Has she been cheated on in the past?
S actually has a degree in English and had been intending to study law before she got sidelined by pregnancy, a car accident and divorce. Twice. I do know that one partner who she was engaged to had a wife she didn't know about. She suspects it in a couple of other cases but other than that one case doesn't seem to think it much of a factor. As far as communication and collaboration goes, she is I think so used to being "the Mom" that the idea that someone else may have an opinion that matters is novel to her.

Even though I personally have a hard time with believing it, I do think that she believes that I am prime Canada grade A husband on the hoof material. She pursued me. Agressively. And she's not the only one. CL seemed to have future plans all figured out and crashed a family reunion with plans to stay over with me (she was in the spare room). After one interaction at her store, B was very vigorous in hunting me down. There were perhaps others that I was just too dim to notice. Certainly a number of single female friends became extra friendly and even casual acquaintances. I was creeped out about a year ago when it seemed that one of the clerks at the shop across the street was flirting with me and I asked about her school. Which got me a retort that she was "so much older than that"

I do think that S is insecure in the relationship which is perhaps why she holds things in that perhaps should be discussed in an open fashion. And yes, in some ways I'm insecure about it too. After all I spent pretty much my whole adult life in a relationship where it was made plain to me that I was darned lucky to be married to her. And believed that myself. Which is how I ended up here.

As an aside - it was B's 58th birthday a couple of days ago. I lurked on her social media - lots of people expressing hopes that her husband was spoiling her well. Just brought to mind how bizarre that relationship must be regardless of whether they are intimate again or not. He had multiple affairs and rubbed it in her face. She left - but intentionally stayed married "for financial reasons" and had at least 3 serious relationships all of which he probably knew about and then went back. Ick. Just ick.

Originally Posted by kml
Quote
I was talking to S about this and was rather surprised that she had zero interest in seeing San Diego. It's supposed to be quite a lovely city.


It IS a lovely city, with perfect weather most of the time and lots of fun things to do! Is S just not that interested in travel in general, or doesn't like beaches, or is intimidated by the idea of meeting your daughter? It'll really be a shame if you don't get to visit while your daughter is here, but the way things are going with Covid, that might not happen.
I hate to say it, but I think it's a lack of imagination. Although that's an unkind turn of phrase. More accurately, S seems to have zero interest in any sort of travel. Which is fine. Perhaps because it's never been an option? I dunno. She went to Disney with the kids and her ex-husband about 11 years ago. She likes going to a water-park for a few days once a year. Her parents took her to Cuba once when she was about 30. That's the total of her travels. Not even just going for an explore beyond our local area.

As far as spending time with my daughter, I think it's a non-event thing for her. Not looking forward to it, nor dreading it. Again, I dunno. She seems to have a similar thing with her friends and own immediate family including her own children. She's happy to see them but doesn't go out of her way to just "visit".

Originally Posted by kml
This is some real hoarding/shopaholic behavior (aided by a poverty mindset). (Unless they're mink coats of course!). This is something you're going to have to help her get under control now before you end up on an episode of Hoarders. (Do you get that show in Canada?).
We do get it although I've not had cable for years. My ex-wife liked watching it and she had some mild hoarder tendencies too. When we were away last month, there was cable in the hotel room and S loved watching that show. And like my ex-wife would make comments to me of "well - I'm not that bad".

Originally Posted by kml
Speaking of work - how far are you from S starting her business up that you had discussed? Is it just dead in the water because of Covid for the moment, or is it just waiting for her to finish unpacking? Is the stuff she has all laid out things that she wants daughter to choose things from, or help her decide what to keep or not? Is that an activity you could do with her or is it best you stay out of it?
I stay out of it. TBH - I can see her setting up in the front porch but I can't see her having the discipline to make a serious go of it. I could be wrong of course and would be happy about that but I do believe that she's not capable of a solid sustained effort without outside influences pushing her on that. She believes that she can but has a history of it not working in past endeavours. It's a delicate line to tread to be positive and encouraging but to also not get too invested financially and emotionally in it working out. I can see her being successful doing occasional workshops which is one of the routes she is thinking of.

As a perfect example, she had some appliances that were surplus. 2 small freezers and a dish-washer. They sat for a long time until I dug them out. She then insisted that I be the one to compose the online ads, follow up and even though she was physically available, be the one to negotiate with the buyer when they came to pick them up. That's no way to run a doughnut stand.

So - my plan right now is to cruise along and leave all of that to her. Be supportive as appropriate but not be the one to initiate. It's just like with her divorce. She should have had that done at a minimum 18 months ago. The papers are still on the table. She's filled them out, we've budgeted the money for the filing, but she just hasn't taken them to the court-house to get stamped. I've made the decision that as far as the wedding goes, that if it comes up (which it hasn't for some time) I'll just say that until the divorce is filed and accepted by the courts that there is no purpose in planning a wedding that we might not be able to have without her divorce being final. Not that I have any substantial belief that she's keeping him as a Plan B although she continues to use his health plan, but more that in the world of "[censored] or get off the pot", she's on level 573 of Candy Crush.

----

S took me aside yesterday and we had a talk about communication. She knew that I was bothered by recent things and addressed one of the sore points. When I talk I tend to do a lot of exposition. It's just the way that I am and it does come across as man-splaining and to S it grates because it feels repetitive as I've often done the same exposition before. This gets me an eye-roll and she tends to cut me off mid explain. Often before I get to the point I want to make.

She also wanted to let me know that despite how she talks that she doesn't actually expect me to drop everything to do whatever whim is passing through. She explained to me that I need to ask the question and she needs to try to preface things with a time-line. As she explained it to me and I have enough experience now to realize, she lives in the "now". All times are "now". This is where she gets things all muddled up (from my point of view) talking about a job she might have had 25 years ago, a house she lived in 10 years ago all as if everything is current. So when she talks about renovations for example, she "knows" that it requires planning and saving but short-circuits that to "why isn't this done".

I on the other hand am someone who forms detailed plans years out.

A friend of mine - CL in actual fact - once posted the question of - "Do you see the future as something coming towards you or you as advancing towards the future?". My answer was that I see myself as advancing towards the future. S was baffled by the question.


It was a good conversation about conversation.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2903176
09/05/20 03:16 PM
09/05/20 03:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
K
kml Online
Member
kml  Online
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
Perhaps then S should just take a job in retail in some shop nearby? Once Covid has resolved? I agree that it doesnít sound like she has the skills needed to run a business on her own, and if sheíd like you to retire earlier than 72, youíd get there faster if she had an income too.

Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2903187
09/05/20 08:29 PM
09/05/20 08:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
K
kml Online
Member
kml  Online
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
Btw - she might be dawdling on the divorce paperwork precisely because of the health insurance, if thatís better coverage for her and her kids. I donít know how that works in Canada. She might have fears things wonít work with you guys and then sheís be without that coverage? (Iím assuming itís better coverage than what she would get through Canada on her own? Or just cheaper? )

Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: kml] #2903218
09/06/20 05:33 PM
09/06/20 05:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,365
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
AndrewP  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,365
Canada
Originally Posted by kml
Btw - she might be dawdling on the divorce paperwork precisely because of the health insurance, if thatís better coverage for her and her kids. I donít know how that works in Canada. She might have fears things wonít work with you guys and then sheís be without that coverage? (Iím assuming itís better coverage than what she would get through Canada on her own? Or just cheaper? )
Here in Canada we all have basic health coverage and can go see a doctor for most ailments without fees other than parking - which a lot of people get upset about.

Outside of that basic coverage, for example for prescriptions or medical devices you need to pay out of pocket. When I went in for my angiogram they asked if I had coverage which would have meant the difference between a coated or un-coated stent.

You may remember John Lennon's glasses. If memory serves - and this may well be an apocryphal story, but he started wearing those as a protest for the cheap glasses that Britain's NHS would hand out. Just because there is universal care doesn't mean that the depth of coverage is the same. It's just that all are covered in some fashion.

There are programs that assist young and low income people with those costs. The boys are covered under their Dad's very generous plan which has 100% coverage for most things but does have caps on some services especially counseling. My own coverage is 80% for most things. I was fortunate that my GP was able to refer me to an excellent therapist within the hospital structure that I was able to see for several months for free. That woman perhaps literally saved my life.

S was very pleased when I told her early in our dating about the fact that during my own divorce that the lawyers advised me that my ex was eligible to stay on my health plan if she had any pre-existing conditions that she needed to use the plan for. I double-checked this with my own HR people and they confirmed this.

S made sure to tell her STBX (not really the right phrase - the "who knows when ex" is perhaps more accurate) that which he followed up on with his own HR. Being a blue-collar guy working on the production line in a non-union shop I would think his coverage would be similar to if perhaps not quite as good as my own coverage. Even though she relies on it, I don't think that is keeping her from filing.

I personally believe that S's not getting the filing for divorce together is at least in part because of her difficulty in initiating things rather than based on a calculation. From conversations we've had as recently as yesterday I think that she still has some worries about if this will work out and since I am perhaps the world's worst person at hiding how I feel, especially around an empath like her, she has picked up on the fact that I have gone through episodes of being grumpy and generally unhappy. Words can only reassure so much. Time as they say - will tell.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2903236
09/07/20 02:34 PM
09/07/20 02:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
G
Ginger1 Online
Member
Ginger1  Online
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
Iím not going to do an ďI told you soĒ

But do you see the value in truly getting to know someone and seeing if you have the same values, compatible lifestyles, etc? When we are in our 20ís with no kids, no homes, no assess, etc... jumping in is more feasible. When we get older and have much much more at stake, itís just not a wise choice. Taking the time to get to know someone before making huge commitments is fair to yourself, fair to them, and fair to the other family members involved. Itís affects everyoneís life involved, not just you and the other person when you are but a 20 something year old. I absolutely think you need to make decisions on staying or going on this relationship based upon what you want. But do you see how you jumped the gun and now a 13 year old boy will have to be uprooted yet again if you decide this relationship is not working ? Thatís what is at stake when you make this quick decisions. But I reiterate, you should make your decisions based on YOU. The child having a big change again shouldnít determine your decisions, but it should heed you to be more cautious in the future

You Had said felt the need the need to propose at 3 months because ďyou didnít want to lose herĒ you shouldnít need a proposal at 3 months not to lose someone. Everyone in the beginning puts their best foot forward. And time only reveals how compatible the two of you and your families really are.

I know you have said in the past ďshe is kindĒ and thatís all you want of a partner . To be honest, not, it takes a lot more than that. So much more.

You built a nice life and savings for yourself. You work hard for your money. You enjoy travel. She does not. And she does not work hard for her money. So, is she going to get on your case when you chose to spend your money on travel for yourself?

You also said ďWE budgeted for her divorceĒ Iím sorry, but a current partner should be putting a dime towards their partners divorce. Thatís not normal. Has she ever taken care of her own business before? It seems as if she goes from person person and hopes that person will take care of her responsibilities and her problems, even though it has never worked out that way.

You donít seem happy. You donít seem to be reaping in reward for what you put out in risk. Itís probably time to really sit woth this this and think about what you want for yourself and why you moved so fast with this. Take some time woth yourself and think this stuff through

Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: Ginger1] #2903250
09/07/20 06:57 PM
09/07/20 06:57 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,834
Midwest
D
DonH Offline
Member
DonH  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,834
Midwest
Originally Posted by LH19
Time to do some soul searching with no fear. What does Andy want?


Originally Posted by Ginger1
Itís probably time to really sit woth this this and think about what you want for yourself and why you moved so fast with this. Take some time woth yourself and think this stuff through

This question has been asked in one form or another by pretty much everyone who has offered their comment, yet itís never been answered. Actually itís been answered as you donít know. That, to me, seems to be the crux of this. What do you want Andrew? And ďI really donít knowĒ is a non-answer, answer - especially at this age. So is not having thought about it.

What do you want? And are you getting it? You love travel. Are you getting it? Love piece and order. Are you getting it? Love to relax with a beer or two. Perhaps most sadly you donít seem to think you deserve what you want. You do! Itís clear you were not getting what you wanted and needed from your ex, yet it was only because she called it quits that the M ended. It was the same with B - and she again called it quits and went back to her husband, clearly making you the other man. I canít help but believe it will be the same with S. If this ends it will only be on her choice, even if she does not return to her ex. She was so anxious to move in. Where is her push and drive for the rest - including D?

What you want and need matters. I think itís just Familiar to you to be Lead around by the woman. Itís what feels normal. You not getting your needs met feels normal. IT IS NOT!

It really does come back to answering that pivotal question asked so many times but never really answered - what does Andrew want and need?


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2903393
09/09/20 03:32 PM
09/09/20 03:32 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
Dropping the Romulan cloaking device to say "Hello" and a few other tidbits:

The best and most wondrous two pieces of advice I've received since BD came from (of all people) our divorce mediator, and from a guy who has done work for our family for the past 17 years.

The divorce mediator sent me here which was a bonus, but advised that I take all the time I needed to know exactly what it is I wanted. Boy, was he right about that, from both the perspective of writing a divorce settlement and the perspective of living my life moving forward. I truly needed to heed that advice because I'd been in a relationship for so long, at that point over half my life, that I didn't even have the least clue of what I wanted separate from said relationship - or any other relationship, for that matter.

And that dovetailed beautifully with the advice received from the guy who has done work for us for so long, who had gone through his own divorce ten years before mine. His "lessons learned" advice focused solely on GAL activities and how to dip the toes back into adult social interaction. I've not found his words to be wrong at all in the five years since BD. He said that I knew who I was pre-relationship with exh. I knew who I was in relationship with exh (as a wife and mother), but I had yet to discover who I am now as an individual. He suggested taking the time to get to know the person I was post BD. Use the GAL time wisely, as we would say here in DB world. He said in his own journey he did a lot of the things he did pre-relationship. Some of those activities he still enjoyed, while others no longer appealed to him. He tried a variety of new things, some of which he enjoyed and some he had no interest in trying again. He took the time to learn how to be comfortable in his own skin, then he took more time to find companionship, and yet more time to decide who he is now in relationships and what he wants moving forward.

Andrew, I think you've done much of this. Only you know if you've done enough of this. Wishing you all the best, as usual. Shields up, cloaking device back on.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2903417
09/09/20 06:25 PM
09/09/20 06:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,365
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
AndrewP  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,365
Canada
Happy Wednesday all! Going to be a challenging day. Our network connection to the plant is down so I'm planning in a vacuum. Fortunately the guys know more than I do on how to do things and have eyes to see what needs to be done so getting in my car and driving for an hour to tell them things they already know isn't necessary. My boss happened to be in the plant this morning and "of course" adjusted what I had planned but it will all work out and the guys know what to do for the day. And it also turned out that the production staff just did what seemed like a good idea to them at the time which actually worked out very well as the customer's priorities just happened to shift to match. I joked with them that they must have a horseshoe on their forehead.

-----------

Still not sleeping great. I was able to put my finger on it last night I think. I'm re-living my former marriage in many ways mentally at least. I'm feeling constrained and the "lightness" and flow of energy I used to feel isn't there. These are my feelings and I need to work on a way to change that attitude.

The unpacking is proceeding. With the help of S's D26 (she actually did all the figuring out), the laundry room is now all organized and I'm pretty happy with the results. The kitchen is a chaos zone but progress has been made. I'm going to have to live with this for at least a week though I think. S works well when her D26 tells her what to do.

S wants me to install a lot of cabinetry in the laundry room for storage. We have about 25 square feet of wall space available. I'm trying to figure out the most effective use of money and space. Ikea cabinets look like a good option to me but I need S to agree to a layout and we have to work up a budget. Personally I think that less stuff would be the best plan but S has real problems letting go of things.

I still think that this will all work out and TBH don't actually know what the future will look like. I don't want to paint that picture while the train is still moving. Concepts like "light" and "energy flow" are perhaps rather vague and new-ageish but that's the way my spirit flows.

We're still dealing with conflicts between the critters. I've not heard from S26 on if / when he might come for them. I've asked (again) for us to get together for dinner - radio silence. I personally think that he's staying well away from the chaos here. It's undoubtedly jarring for him but the girls I think will be happier somewhere where they aren't as crowded.

Well - that's all I have time for today. S and I are going to be leaving shortly to pick up S13 from his Dad's where he's been for over a week and bring him home to start home-schooling.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2903425
09/09/20 07:04 PM
09/09/20 07:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
K
kml Online
Member
kml  Online
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
Is this storage in the laundry room for laundry and cleaning supplies, or just as another place to store more "stuff"? `If "stuff", I'd argue against it. If cleaning things - I have hanging cabinets above my washer and dryer and they are very handy for storing all the cleaning products, laundry detergent, bleach, dusting supplies, light bulbs, cleaning rags, Windex, Simple Green etc. etc. And having that storage space does allow me to save money by buying large Costco sized bottles or multiples of cleaning products when they're on sale.

My ex and I built a whole new kitchen for my mom once with flat-pack kitchen cabinets from Ikea - I got pretty fast at assembling them. But another alternative would be to look for someone who is redoing a perfectly good kitchen and getting their cast-off cabinets for free.

Page 5 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004