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Free parrot with every peg leg #2901597
08/07/20 09:40 PM
08/07/20 09:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,364
Canada
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AndrewP Offline OP
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AndrewP  Offline OP
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New thread time

Old thread
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2901568&page=1
Tell the cicadas to shut up

Originally Posted by Ginger
Cellulitis is not something to mess with S isnít a medical professional and you arenít either. You need a specific antibiotic, not an OTC antibiotic cream. You need medical attention. I have 2 patients currently on my unit with bad cellulitis. One with positive blood cultures. Needs 6 weeks of IV abx.

But I know you arenít a fan of doctors and medicine. And youíll do what youíll do. But it can be dangerous, just a warning
I actually have quite a substantial fear of cellulitis and not because the free parrot that the Canadian health-care system gives you when they chop your leg off is creepy and probably recording everything you say.

I can assure you all - and thank you for the slaps across my hind end - that if my condition worsened that I would be typing this from my local emergency room. I'm not relying on S for medical advice - if anything she would have had me in emerg a few days ago. I am getting progressively better. It's down to bad sunburn stage - itches a bit and is shrinking and fading steadily in the remaining area. There is no more general fever and the leg itself is cooling down. I just removed the towel that I'm using as a cold compress and the colour is to "tanned white guy" which is a bit darker than normal still but not the angry red.

I do know from when I had it previously and did go to my GP - after a 1 week wait for an appointment by which time it cleared up on it's own - she looked at the pictures I took documenting it - and said that I was probably fine and didn't need any follow-up.

Even though I'm certainly not a doctor nor nurse, my experience with the health-care system here in this rural area is that unless the limb is actively about to fall off, they send you home to rest.

I am paranoid about it. I know that it's dangerous especially with my other health issues. Not to mention the responsibility for caring for that darned parrot crazy I should have taken that scratch on my leg more seriously but all past - and progressively more serious - episodes were related to a single beach in Cuba so it didn't cross my mind as a risk until it was too late. So - as soon as I detected the original rash, I alerted S as to what was going on, and carefully monitored the situation and stopped doing the things that could aggravate it. I watched the infection peak - at a lower level than I had in my Cuban infections and it's steadily going down.


So - thank you all. And I do mean that sincerely and not in a "bless your heart" Southern kind of way. It's nice to know that there are people who care.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901611
08/08/20 12:47 AM
08/08/20 12:47 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,834
Midwest
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DonH Offline
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Midwest
That ďblood infectionĒ several have talked about is otherwise known as sepsis. That term may ring some bells louder for you as for whatever reason more and more people have been dying of it. Many hospitals have enacted sepsis protocols. The thing is you can go septic much faster than you can imagine. The fastest route through the body is the bloodstream. You can go from fine to really really sick very fast.

Itís just amazing to me, and beyond frustrating too, how some people (not saying you specifically) will not leave their house, insist the world shuts down and demand we all wear masks when others have an actual infection going on inside of their body presenting way higher risks than covid ever will, there is actually known antibiotics that will very likely cure it, yet somehow that is a risk worth taking. Going grocery shopping without a mask is not. OMG 2020 is so upside down.

Itís only some pills - likely for 10 days. Get some fricken antibiotics already!!!!!


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901636
08/08/20 02:02 PM
08/08/20 02:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,498
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DnJ Online
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Good Morning Andrew

You do realize our health care system is free. Ok not free, my $32000 each year of taxes is proof of that. Our health care system has no end user fees. No, thatís not completely true anymore either. Drugs were never free. ... ... ... grumble grumble. Drat. Try again.....

You do realize our health care system is free, right? You can make an appointment and see a doctor. And you should.

However, you, me, people are stubborn. You are going to do what you are going to do. And no amount of exclamation points is going to change that! (I only used one smile ) I know youíd see a doctor eventually when the symptoms reach a level that you felt needed it. Personally, I think having an fever induced from a known infection may have been the level to do more than bathe.

I also do not seek medical attention at every little thing, so I do understand the reluctance to bog down a system with unnecessary appointments. The weighing of risk becomes so apparent, or more accurately the weighing of perceived risk and perceived control of risk. Especially in a cost free environment.

People feel they are controlling their health well enough. And that feeds very well into their emotions and fears, which blind and paralyze them to further appropriate action. Until something tips the equilibrium.

I could be well off course here. I just see something lurking beneath the humour. And Iím pretty sure those give-away parrots are recording everything you say and do - so steer clear of that.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
My last angiogram was 10 years ago. At the time they identified I think 3 or 4 blockages one at 50%. They chose to not put a stent in at that time and generally I've been "fine". Angina attacks when I've been stupid like spending 4 hours chopping up the ice in the driveway in the winter. This time, I'm pretty confident that they'll put a stent in. Perhaps more than one. From what the doctor said, what I've been writing off as angina for some years has probably been a series of minor heart attacks.

Frankly it scares me. I know that there are risks in this sort of procedure. I also know that the risks are low especially since I am a more or less healthy and relatively young man. S doesn't get that this worries me and I don't really push it with her as I don't want her wound up. I've made sure that my kids are all well informed. I've not heard back from S25 as of yet but I do see that he's now reading in the family chat so he's up on current events. The same doctor who did this procedure 10 years ago will be doing this one as well so he's now a 10 year more experienced practitioner who undoubtedly has a steady hand and will competently deal with all issues.

I think this is the first time you have spelt out just how many and the severity of your blockages. Your frank admission of concern is almost missed within the facts and how you donít want others to worry.

A probable series of minor heart attacks is concerning. And I agree the acquiring of one or more stents will most likely, and frankly thankfully, be the outcome.

You are young . Have a long term competent practitioner on your side. And actually a really good health care system.

I do understand you not wanting S wound up. Your idea that S doesnít get that this worries you, might not be totally correct. She may be very worried and not be wanting to worry you so she doesnít show it. People react in all sorts of various manners when confronted with concerns and fears. Denial is a pretty standard one. Sís apparent lack of empathy is most likely just where she is, for the moment, while she work through assimilating this news.

Similar mind reading with S25 is occurring from you. You can see he opened the message on family chat. His reading it, and proficiency in current events is guesswork.

Iíve stayed out of the S25 discussions here. You are going to do what you are going to do. And much wise advice, in my opinion, has already been imparted. However, I do care about you.

Andrew, talk to your son.

Get a hold of him - this weekend. Today. Saturday. Actual, live, in real time, word to word, or better face to face, talking.

ďHello S25. Itís been a long time since weíve actually spoken. I miss you. I love you. Is everything ok in your world?Ē

ďI got this darn medical situation pending, my angina, and I am a bit concerned. Well, to be honest, Dadís is a bit scared. And I am working through sorting out what to do.Ē

I donít know S25ís probable reaction. It could be anything. People have wildly various reactions to medical situations, family upheavals, moving, living alone, etc... S25ís world, like everyoneís has, and is, changing.

Unless I am way off, I believe you would like the situation, the distance between you and S25 to be better, to be closer. That doesnít happen by itself.

I know you have your hands full. S25 is important. You are important. Make time.

D


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901640
08/08/20 06:46 PM
08/08/20 06:46 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,849
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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people always think they have time. reality is, we don't. every moment is precious and important.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901644
08/08/20 09:33 PM
08/08/20 09:33 PM
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 600
UK
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Westo Offline
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Please listen Andrew.

Please go to the doctor and also contact your son.

Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901650
08/09/20 01:13 AM
08/09/20 01:13 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,364
Canada
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AndrewP Offline OP
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AndrewP  Offline OP
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Canada
Thanks all - especially DnJ who I think "gets it" in how my thoughts are running. My ex-wife used to joke that the epitaph on my grave-stone would be "I'm fine! Just give me a moment to catch my breath." laugh

In my bones I feel that as a tax-payer who supports this system it is my obligation to not take undue advantage of it. So in most cases just rub dirt on whatever ails and soldier on. I do go in and not just when prompted to by others. I take ownership of my health. Despite it being "free" there are limited resources available and I try to be prudent when making use of this Public Good.

Got my lab work back. Not too bad for an old guy with an infected leg. They were nice enough to include an idiot guide to the numbers. Pretty much everything in the green in the middle of the various ranges. One reading was flagged as probably indicating an infection - duh - and was only slightly out of the "good" range - so relatively minor infection :P Some very mild indication of decreased kidney function. I do pee a lot although I can do an "all-nighter" most nights laugh

PS - I'd love to get in touch with my son. I'm sure that if I sent up an emergency flare that he would indeed come running with the calvary. He doesn't answer his phone - for anybody. Doesn't tend to return texts. Reading of chat messages is sporadic and unpredictable. Lives in a second floor apartment with no doorbell. Unless I got the ladder out of the shed (after finding it amongst all the boxes), strapped it to the car, drove an hour to where he lives, leaned it up against his window and started tapping on it, there is no way for me to intrude myself into his bubble. Maybe DnJ can loan me the bucket truck? If he's not home maybe drawing pictograms on his window from the bucket truck to indicate that I miss him wouldn't be considered too pushy / creepy?

His mother used to refer to him as a little [censored word meaning the end result of a burrito] in a rather angry voice when he wouldn't respond to her when he was off at University. And inform him bluntly and angrily of that status when he did respond. I would get in touch with him about a week in advance of a visit and let him know that I was bringing pie. That would usually get the door open. For anyone in Eastern Ontario, The Big Apple does really nice pie. Haven't been out to our plant there in probably over a year now.

On vacation now for the week. S and I are off for a couple of days to a nice inn. D19 is going to be here to referee the boys. I'm expecting a fair amount of chaos and mess when we return. We'll probably be leaving sometime after lunch tomorrow returning Tuesday afternoon. I currently get about 300 emails a day so will undoubtedly spend some time here and there sorting through to see if there is any wheat amongst the chaff. Being as my "backup" for one of my roles is both the company president and also the guy who used to do this job, I'm not expecting any issues there. My backup for one of my other roles isn't "quite" as sure of themselves.

Oh - and my leg is almost all better now. Still a bit red and swells some when I stand for a long time.

And yes - I do appreciate the love and concern even if it appears I don't.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901699
08/09/20 06:16 PM
08/09/20 06:16 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,283
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Ginger1 Online
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Quite the opposite is true. The healthcare system gets overwhelmed and healthcare costs much more when you let something go that could be treated before it blows up bigger.

Example 1) cellulitis infection. Get it early with a course of oral
Abx , or end up hospitalized with sepsis ? Which one drains the healthcare system more?

2) following up religiously when you know you have blocked arteries. Intervene early with stents, or wait until itís too late with open heart surgery? Which one drains the healthcare system more?

Preventative medicine is a big push in the US. Well visits, regular follow, diagnostic testing for the purpose of prevention saves the healthcare system rather than costing it

Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901933
08/12/20 03:08 PM
08/12/20 03:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,364
Canada
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AndrewP Offline OP
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I agree Ginger. Preventative medicine is much more cost effective than reactive medicine. A bit less profitable for the doctors and pharmacies but better for both the patient and tax-payer.

I had an interesting discussion with my cardiologist a number of years ago. I was questioning why he didn't put a stent in during my procedure previously. He said - and it makes a lot of sense to me - is that each intervention introduces risk. Putting a stent in to such a young man he said increases the odds that in time I'll have a complication and further interventions would be required to deal with those. Whereas getting me to modify my modifiable risk factors could be one for cheap, and is effective as well.

The leg is doing decently. One section of infection left that itches and the leg swells easily so I need to stay off my feet which is quite the challenge for me. I would expect that a few more days and all will be back to normal.

-------

Today would have been my 31st wedding anniversary. Wow. The sort of mile-stone you would expect to see from cute grey haired wrinkly couples awkwardly holding a cake while family around them is congratulating them. Although if I look in the mirror I do see quite a lot of grey hair and wrinkles. No clue about my ex-wife although she only dyed her hair for a short while and had salt-and-pepper grey that really quite suited her. We were certainly described as a very cute couple. Obviously in love with each other.

Even though I've known it was coming up, it had actually slipped my mind until Facebook reminded me of it this morning. I think it's reasonable to assume that she also is getting similar reminders.

I have to send her her monthly payment #34 of 77 later this week. I'm going to include a note stating that if she wants her book-case to arrange to pick it up otherwise I'll dispose of it. I've spent too much time being nice and this is probably more nice than I should be. I do wonder if she'll actually come for it. I have my doubts. I'll put it out in the shed. There's some of S's furniture that needs to occupy the space where it is.

I searched in me head and heart and there's really not anything more to say on this topic. Undoubtedly a good thing

------

S and I had a very nice get-away at a lovely inn in her home town. There were lots of safety protocols in place but still it did feel like a risk. Everywhere we went out to asked for our contact information as well. There's been no new cases in that part of the province nor in our's recently. The restaurants did something I thought was neat and have taped a QR code to the table so that those with a phone can check the menu there and they don't have to sanitize one.

We were very pleased on how accommodating the places were to S's gluten allergy finding things that weren't on the menu to offer. One restaurant and server went way beyond and I think they were quite happy with the glowing Google review I made later. Those things are like gold for restaurants.

S took me around her home town which she still knows like the back of her hand. I think she was pleased when after she assured me that she knew how to get us where we were going that I just put the navigating app on my phone away. And she certainly did.

We stopped off at her childhood home which her Dad still lives in by himself. I was both surprised and unsurprised to find it neat as a new pin. I know that S likes tidy and is capable of it but given that she gets sabotaged by kids and her own brain is unable to maintain it. My hope is that we can get to some reasonable compromise here. I know she wants it - we've talked. I've been talking to S18 - who is one of the bigger saboteurs and he is slowly coming on board with the idea too.

We had a nice lunch with her Dad who is in his mid-80s. To me he seems older than that but he had a bad heart attack and bypass surgery last year. He's still very sharp and quite active and manages quite well on his own. I think he was pleased to show me around. S was rather surprised that for the very first time he started talking about handing over some family heirlooms. Many of them he just wants to sell and has told S in the past that he doesn't trust her to take care of them. Sadly there's a certain amount of truth to that statement but S is still offended.

A couple of rather large pennies dropped as we wandered around and chatted about her life growing up and raising her family with a series of partners in her home town.

One thing was her mention about it being nearly a year since we started dating. It seems that is nearly some sort of record to go without some sort of conflict.

One other was finding out that her brother - who I knew had been "difficult" actually spent a good portion of his youth in foster care. S's attitude about that was pretty nonchalant combined with a bit of relief that he wasn't around. I do know that she resented how much attention he got from their parents. Given her own attitudes about her own kids perhaps it is more normal for her to think of them going off than it would be for me. We were talking about some furniture that I feel is surplus and she wants to hang on to it with the impression being that S18 would be out and on his own soon - which had been her expectation and plan previously. Personally I think the kid should be here for at least a couple more years to get himself sorted out - but he's not my kid.

Her oldest son in Australia just had his 23rd birthday. She sent him a text - belatedly and has been un-phased by the lack of response. Again - just bizarre to me. This is the same son who also had behavioral issues and moved in with his oldest sister when he was 17.

We've heard back about school and essentially here in this rural area it's intended to be business as usual. S and S13's dad have talked and he'll be home-schooled for at least the first few weeks. We all expect the first few weeks to be utter chaos as staff try to figure out how to follow the impossible rules with a school stuffed full of kids who also can't reasonably be counted on to follow the rules.

S18 is intending on resuming his own studies but I don't know what has been put in place for that. I think he has a couple of years to catch up on. He's pretty motivated to get his diploma.

I've been working with S on budgeting. The grocery budget seems to be a key problem. I think one of the "dropping pennies" hit her foot when we were talking about one receipt and she said that it was as she was waiting for a prescription and was just wandering around and picked up things she thought we might need. Ding! I've been pushing to stick to a list and planned shopping. We have a ways to go and will both have to adapt.

Ah well - time to wrap this up. Today's plan is to find my ladders and a portion of the garage floor. There's a badly rotted window-sill that needs to be fixed and I need a ladder to do that. It will also help organize the stuff in the garage a bit which I don't think is nearly as bad as it looks.

I need to take it slow in the heat and also with my game leg though which will be tough on me as now that I'm home, everywhere I look there's things to do.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901937
08/12/20 03:52 PM
08/12/20 03:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
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kml Offline
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Quote
The leg is doing decently. One section of infection left that itches and the leg swells easily so I need to stay off my feet which is quite the challenge for me. I would expect that a few more days and all will be back to normal.


Dude - do you understand that with some oral antibiotics this would have been gone in 2-3 days???????? Don't do this again - EVER!

Re: the bookcase: you've been separated/divorced for HOW many years now? Surely if she'd wanted it she would have taken it with her when she moved her stuff out or at least asked for it sometime in the intervening years. No need to offer it to her now. Just get rid of it. Somebody else out there needs the bookcase more than she does.

That's pretty extreme that S's brother spent all that time in foster care. Usually that means either severe dysfunction on the part of the parents, or severely disturbed behavior on the part of the child that the parents couldn't cope with. I'd be reluctant to judge - I have one patient who had to put her adopted son into a therapeutic group home at about age 12 because his psychiatric problems were so severe that it was putting her other son at risk; she's a great mom and was heartbroken but had exhausted all other options. Extreme situations like that sometimes do occur.

I agree with you about her S18, sounds like he would benefit from a couple more years at home, especially since he needs to catch up on his schooling (and maybe learn some more adult skills from you). I'd discuss that with S, she may be feeling she needs to push him out of the nest in order to keep you.

Re: Free parrot with every peg leg [Re: AndrewP] #2901940
08/12/20 04:17 PM
08/12/20 04:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
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Ginger1 Online
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Itís been YEARS. If she wanted the book case, she would have gotten it. Remember when you were sending all this random stuff of hers with S26 and we told you that you should really stop because if she wanted that cr @p she would have made it happen on her own will. We discussed how you find this stuff to be more sentimental than her.

Donít send a note and donate the bookcase. Someone will be very happy. If she wanted it, she knows how to get it.

You should probably let go of that tiny little thread you hold on to.

And S said happy birthday day to her son LATE?! OMG, I would honestly be sad if my birthday came and the woman who gave birth to me didnít reach out on my birthday! And just a text? So sad. I probably wouldnít respond because I would have been hurt. But I guess there is a different dynamic there I probably just donít get.

I think everyone desires a neat and tidy house. No one wants a mess. I know I would love a perfectly neat and tidy house. But I work a lot and have to prioritize, so it is nice, but not perfect. You gotta want it enough and prioritize it to get it. It certainly doesnít magically happen. On the days it doesnít for me, it is because itís a choice that day.

Glad you had a nice weekend and learned more about her family

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