Do the last 2 letters of your user name indicate your state of residence?
If so, look up Smith-Ostler. You mentioned you were having some financial hardship and I don't know if you have officially established support with your H. Normally, if he received a bonus, you would be entitled to some % of that bonus based on a complicated guideline calculator that spits out the number.
I didn't actually retain a lawyer for 8 months in my situation. But at the very beginning, I engaged in free consults and educated myself on the process, both with custody and finances. I was hoping not to have to use that knowledge, but it made me feel so much better knowing that, if things went that way, I knew what to expect.
I’m still here reading from time to time, but not posting at this time. But I would like some advice.
A few months ago “H” took up the habit of periodically texting D5 directly, on my phone obviously. For example “Good morning [D5]! I hope you have a great day!” or similar. It has always annoyed me and I’ve sometimes ignored it, sometimes let D5 dictate a response, sometimes replies to him that I’d relayed his message.
Interestingly, after his revelation about dating someone new, it stopped for a couple of weeks which was fine by me.
Now he’s started doing it again. Texting D5, sometimes adding in a picture of her or including a message to me.
What I actually want to do is ignore it. I am trying to have as little contact with him as possible. The only thing stopping me is that I would not like it if he ignored my texts re D5 when she was with him. The difference is, I wouldn’t do this weird indirect thing he is doing. I’ve at times asked him to say goodnight to her for me, or something similarly direct.
It feels like one of those things where if I just ignore it it could cause an issue. Asking him to stop doing it in this manner feels like it would come out petty and very attached sounding, and I do not wish to give him that satisfaction. (for the record, I do not believe my feelings around this are petty, I just think it would come across that way if I communicate it).
I'm no expert in reconciliation, just a student of detachment. Never reply. Eventually, they stop texting more than once or twice a month. And never take their phone call. They can leave a message if it's actually important. It never is. If he's adding in pictures of his new friend, that's just rude. Ignore rude people. You're worth more than that. Eventually, he will figure that out. Best to help him along the path faster though.
It's been a while since I checked in and I am so sorry that things have taken this turn.
I know how you feel about the messages. Perhaps you could arrange for him to call at the same time everyday? Explain that you are not trying to stop him from speaking to your daughter, just that you are not a messaging service.
Re the photos. Yes, this is poor form on his part. Or, as Jennifer Anniston once said, "he is missing a sensitivity chip". State your boundaries "Sending me photos of your new GF is insensitive and I will not be passing them on to our daughter. She can look at them when she is with you".
You nailed it, unchien. THAT is how I feel about it.
I was serious with my response proposal. Have some fun with it. You might enjoy communicating this way (showing him how you will handle things) rather than trying to have heart-felt conversations with your thick-skulled H.
