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Ginger1 Offline OP
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I definitely had no say in the trip. And Im not thrilled. What he did makes it easier on none of us.


I just wish that man would freakin apologize . He never ever does. And get this. My stepmother is estranged form her sister . They havent had a relationship in many years due to a very implicated falling out. They decided to try again. And we are all having dinner next wedneaday. My dad better reach out before then. It would make an already awkward situation awkward. My dads wife wants me there for support, so I will be there

I got my haircut today and I hate it. Looks nothing like the picture I showed and all my hair is gone and I feel ugly and sad. 40 is not working for me. I know its just hit and it will grow back, but I was going I would come out loving it. I can barely look at myself right now.

I have also been legally divorced for 11 years today. Ill never forget that day. Weeping in a courtroom all alone. No one there with me. My ex and his lawyer who attended our wedding . I just couldnt stop crying in court.

But here I am now. My daughter is away with them on a family vacation, and here I am with some ugly hair, lol.

Seriously though, my life is infinitely better. Now what I imagined, but where I need to be I guess ,

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DnJ Online
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Good Morning Ginger

Any word from Dad? Im guessing an apology hasnt come.

Go to the super and enjoy yourself. Do not go with the intent of it being awkward, for you will unknowingly make it so. Go with the intent to have a good time. Sometimes, most times, the mindset we carry into a situation or event has a tremendous impact.

Sorry, your hairdo isnt what you were looking for. At times, everything just seems to pile on, doesnt it? Good thing youre a strong gal.

Its Monday, a fresh week, and full of possibilities. Stand tall and hold your head high, youve been through what most people barely scratch the surface of. And you came out shining. Be the diamond you are.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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I agree with DnJ...as usual. Be the diamond you are Ginger. Things will change. You just have to have faith and keep your spirits up. Focus on the day-to-day blessings and joys...they are there if you look hard enough. Soak up your interactions with others...even if you wouldnt want to date them.

You have to dig deep my friend. Find that inner light and let it shine. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Thank you guys for cheering me on:)

My dad did call this weekend. He did not apologize, he just acted like nothing happened. And thats an apology for my dad, sadly enough. Wednesday should be fine, Im going to enjoy a nice dinner. Im the one to diffuse the awkwardness because I am good with awkwardness and making things calm and funny. Im bad with awkwardness around me. I find attractive, lol.

My hair is getting a little better, it got the true test drive today and I got a lot of genuine comments.
The consensus seems to be its cute and adorable I think I lost my edge.

Im missing my daughter horribly. This is just too long. I cant wait until she comes home. Im keeping busy with stuff around the house, but its so dam hot here I cant even really get out to my yard even. Our census is really low so they want some of us to take PTO and since I have a good amount t, Im taking Tuesday and Wednesday. I generally dont like to take it when D12 isnt around, but I have the opportunity, so Im going to jump in it. Tomorrow Im getting my nails done. Wednesday I might take myself to the beach or do SUP lessons. Havent decided yet. But something for me !

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Thats the ticket Ginger!!! Way to rebound and find some positives in what feels like a sea of negatives. Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% what you do about it. SUP lessons sounds like a great idea, IMO. I hope you have a fantastic day and the instructor is a super cute available guy. laugh. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Ginger1 Offline OP
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I dont know that I have the mental fortitude to really properly construct this list, but I need an outlet . Lots of things going on lately. Ill skip the details of my love life or lack thereof for now. There is stuff to say, but not important right now.

My D came home from vacation today. She came back to my house right before I got home from work. In Italy it was a great first hour and a half. Then I realized she was sniffling and it turned out she was crying. She was on and off in hysterics for hours because coming off so much time and fun with her dad left her missing him. She says she missed me so much when I was gone, but misses her dad so much when shes home and its just not fair, because she never gets to spend a lot of time with him. I validated and I hugged her and I went tot he bathroom to cry.

I did ask her if she wants me to talk to her dad about spending more time there. At first she said no because she does t want less time with me. Then later on she said yes. She wants me to ask him to take more time. It breaks my heart, kills me, and I dont want to do it. But I would for her

I cant bear to see my baby hurt. That hurts me. And I hurt for myself because I was so happy to see her and so happy to have her home and I spent my whole night consoling her while that dick head has not a care in the world. And I have to give up time with her. And hes going to feel like king dad because of it all.

I cant give her the vacations. I cant give her the getaway family experience. I can only give her love and stability and a true home.

I am so angry. I am just so so angry. I am sick of being the better person. I want to tell him he is a POS. I want to tell his wife the same. I want to tell D12, shes right, hes a Cheater. I want them to go to he ll

But I would never do any of that. Because I actually do throw myself in front of a bus for my child. And trust me, I feel like Im being hit by one. I feel the pain of it . And doing this alone emotionally is so difficult. Its wearing me down to the bone. I feel so helpless. And quite frankly, as cheesy as it sounds I need someone to just hug me so tight and let me sob. But nope, i dont get that either.

I realized I was drinking way too much. Never got drunk but my one to two glasses of wine a night because 2-3. And I know its not healthy for me, its also empty calories. But I realized it was taking the edge off just a little for me since I decided to stop. Only going to enjoy out or socially for a little while. I havent had a drink in 3 days. And Ive been fine, up until now. I realize I want to reach for SOMETHING for comfort. And Ive got nothing. My exercise is fine because I cant even walk. Im really trying to watch what I eat. All my coping mechanisms are gone. So it stinks a little extra

Thanks for listening .

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Aww, sweetie, that [censored]. But youre an awesome mom.

Is she getting her period yet? Could there be a little PMS component to her outburst as well? Just a thought.

Maybe meditation would be good for you?

(Also - just a little escapism - I watched a funny movie on Prime the other night. All Nighter - if you havent seen it, its a good laugh.)

(((Hug)))

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DnJ Online
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Hello Ginger

Of course youd do anything for D12.

Wait a bit before reaching out to XH about more time on daughters behalf. Let her feelings find their balance again. She is a little stirred up after the trip. Confer with her in a few days or week to see how sure she still is. And go from there.

Perhaps, if she still wants to spend more time, encourage her to talk to Dad herself. You support her, and she can speak with Dad.

Good job on your decision regarding the wine.

You got this, girl.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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I second what DnJ says Ginger. Let D12s feelings even out a bit. I would also have her talk to her dad with your support. At this age, her relationship with her dad is something that should be negotiated between them and then he can work out the logistics with you.

I get the anger. I really do. Being the better person all of the time is hard...and exhausting...but its the right thing to do...for your D12 and for you as well. Get a good nights sleep and do something kind for yourself. Things will seem a bit better in the morning. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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my son would come home from a week with his dad, lock himself in his room and stay there for hours. his preferred coping skill was sleep, however he could attain it. He needed the alone time to re-calibrate. She probably does too.

yeah, dolly it is no fun being the better person. i hear that! i'm sorry you're both going through this. listen to the wise folks who posted between our posts. xoxoxo

serenity prayer is a good coping tool ...


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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