(((G))). I as so sorry that happened to you. Really rough, I’m sure... especially when it is just out of the blue like that. Not sure what I can say to you except to say that the best advice I ever heard was never to grieve for someone who walked out of your life as if he was “the one”....because If he was, he would not have walked out. M was not the one. You loved what he represented...you loved the potential...you loved the future you thought you would have. He represented stability, validation, and an ability to have control over your future. That is really what you want...what he represented. Step back and realize that he is NOT those things and he never was. The good news is that you are free to find the person that is...and he is out there...I know he is. (((HUGS)))
I’m so sorry, G. I don’t even know what else to say. I agree with what DV said, though. ((((G))))
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Hi sweetie. I am sorry you were upset by seeing M. I get it. I really do. It is disconcerting regardless of whether he was the one for you. The fact is that you had feelings for him and his boy and it hurt you to see him. I also think that the way things ended also has a lot to do with it. He never fully explained. He was kind of leading you to believe that he was in.
So, sit with the feelings a little while and then let them wash over you. Because you know that there wasnt really a future with him...as much as there was the idea of it.
I am sorry you are struggling so much. I am going through some myself. But you are a strong, wonderful woman and you will get through it all as you always do.
Still want you to think about doing something different somehow in your life...change it up some...movement forward sometimes brings exactly what we want....now i have to take my own advice...
Thank you guys. It was really a shock and a swift kick in the guy. I just was not expecting that all. I was just expecting some ice cream with my D on a brutally hot day.
However, you guys are right. I got over the pain I felt yesterday pretty fast. I feel fine today. I think maybe it was the closure I was looking for. It’s over, it’s in the past and he was not the ONE. Sure, I miss his son and his family but I know I was never going to be a priority in his life and his life was always going to be way more important and harder in his mind . I was never going to be who I wanted to be with him. And that was someone who placed high value on me as I placed on him.
I really think I’m fully over it now.
As for trying something different. I feel like I’ve tried everything different . I’ve tried not caring. Not looking. And it’s not that I’ve just tried it, it was really where I was at. I’ve tried to get out more. I was exploring meetup groups, but now they don’t meet up anymore. There is a hiking one I was interested in and seems to have resumed, but I can barely walk and most likely need a procedure on my foot. My exercise gym time is gone. Hanging out much with my friends is gone. And when you do go out, you are in your private groups, there is no mingling anymore. This pandemic has made it way more difficult than it already was.
I’m trying to just accept 1) this is it. What I am looking for is not meant for me. 2) maybe my time isn’t until D12 graduates high school and I could high tail it out of here . I’ll be living a little more for me, only needing to work one job , etc.
There no way to meet people and I can’t even really see my friends. It’s sad.
I am open to any and all suggestions. It’s a catch 22. Everything is a catch 22. You want something badly, but you have to appear to not want it, but you can’t fake it, because apparently people read it. You want to not want it, but when it’s deep in your soul, it’s kind of impossible not to.
So then there just comes acceptance you can’t have it. And what to do from there. I’m grateful for the healthy child, the career and home. Sometimes you just want to share this life with someone. I just want to share my Life and accomplishments with someone. It’s lonely not to. I probably yearn for it more than others because I never really got the chance to.
But again. Accepting it’s not meant for me, or it’s not meant for me now and probably a long time is just something I’ve got to do.
D12 is leaving tomorrow for a long time. In the time she is gone, I got an 8 day stretch of work ( this has got to stop!) and the. She comes home. I’ve got 2 social plans this week I’m really looking forward to ( off Thursday and Friday) and a haircut which might be a drastic change. I need something to spice it up over here.
I’m trying. I’m really really trying. Maybe unexpectedly seeing them was what I needed to catapult me forward
Awww...Ginger...I just want to give you a big hug!!! I can so relate to what you are saying. I’ve thought all of those things...and I probably will again. Of course, I am 52 so I think the pickings are even slimmer in my age group. I think you just have to keep keeping on. Do you watch any YouTube videos on dating, etc...? I have watched a TON and I find them very helpful. In particular the ones by Matthew H who never fails to lift me up when I’m feeling down. There is a reason he has over two million followers. Remember...you may feel like things are never going to change but those are just your worst thoughts. Of course they are going to change. Change is constant. Don’t give up...just open yourself up to the possibilities that life can offer and take advantage of any opportunity to get out in the world. Sending you great big (((HUGS))) from across the miles!!! xoxoxo
Hey DNj, thanks for stopping by! I do agree. I know he has been on my mind more and more lately because it's been a year since our vacation and our breakup. ANd maybe I just needed to see him, even from a distance to just get past him. Seeing his son made me tear up, I couldn't have handled seeing him without crying. ANd I don't know what he told him about the end of our R. The kiddo came home from vacation to find out I was gone, his dog was gone and his house went up in flames. But M was not the right one for me and truly his loss.
So, My D left arrived in Myrtle beach ofr vacation for like 11 days with her dad, his wife, and her grandmother. I wasn't happy about her gettng on a plane to a hot spot. I had expressed my discomfort in front of her, but basically just warned her to use proper precautions and don't get lazy about it. The truth is I don't have a say in it. It's tough not to. I had made like a grunt about it when my dad dropped off mY D last weekend and he goes on a rant to her about how dangerous it is and how she is going ot have quarantine for 2 weeks when she gets home and how she is old enough now to make a decision not to go. My D burst into tears and was really upset and she said her father would never put her in danger. I spoke to my dad about it a day or 2 later. I told him she isn't old enough to make an adult decision, so please don't put that decision on her and tell her she could make a choice. He of course disagrees with me and says she is very smart and is capable of making that decision. I told him even if she is capable, that pressure should not be on a 12 year old. He of course continues to disagree and speak of how he doesn't just want ot be a fun grandparent and he wants to guide her and blah blahblah but he said he will respect my decision, but doesn't agree with me. Which still P'd me off. Because he is wrong in this!!!!! lol. He of course didn't apologize to me, got angry with me, but the next day called my D to apologize for upsetting her. But he's not talking to me. ANd I refuse to reach out. The man never apologizes to me. I guess it's been a while since me and my dad got into one of our tiffs. I know he means well, but come on. It is not easy for me to not have a choice in many decisions in my daughters life. But how to handle it with her I have a decision on.
ANyways, she's down there having fun. SHe's given me the FT tour and a few phone calls already. I miss her. I come home to an empty house its a little difficult. I began exercising again in my house with resistance bands and med balls since my foot is no good. Cook some meals. DO any busy work around the house. I have plans thrusday and friday, then I'm working until she gets home.
Things continue to be on the rough side, but ill muscle through
Breaking up is a difficult thing. The chance meeting did what it should and helped you push passed it.
Wow, sun and fun for 11 days. Hope D12 has a great time.
It’s unfortunate your Dad’s concern and love came out expressed like it did. D12 is smart, and she is twelve. You are correct let her be twelve. She doesn’t need to, nor is capable of, making those type of responsible decisions. This pandemic lifestyle is pretty new and even adults have difficulty figuring out and adjusting to the emotional pressures and stresses of risk, isolation, and so on.
I take it from your comment of you had no say in it if D12 goes, that there is no legal restrictions preventing such a trip.
Take a cue from D12’s tear-filled comment that her father would never put her in danger. You wisely know it’s not your job to make a relationship between Dad and daughter, it’s your job to not damage their relationship. And I do believe your unapologetic Dad overstepped a bit, straying into territory he should not be directly involved in.
I’m glad she is down there and having a fun time. Nice to see she gave you a tour of the place.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Your dad gets anxious and doesn't express his concern well. I wouldn't be happy about a kid of mine flying anywhere right now either but it isn't something you can control so you wisely let go of that.
