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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Well, so much for that. He completely flaked after. Guess it wasnt as good as I thought it was. Even though he gave me every green light, then he basically more or less ghosted me. Oh well. Im going to go back to being dead inside.

This weekend Im taking D and her friend to my dads for some beach action and a nice dinner. Shes so excited

Cadet, you and your hero nurse are 2 very strong people. I hate that you both had to go through that. I know you are taking good care of her and yourself .

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Ginger. NOOOOOO!!! Oh man... I really HATE flaky guys. You deserve SO much better!!! And you will get it my friend!! I know you will. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Thanks dejavu. It was a bummer. Im feeling mostly hopeless. Times are really rough for me over here. Im considering returning to IC. I feel hopeless and depressed lately. Running a marathon with no end in sight. I know this year Js been hard on everyone. But Im getting beaten down.

My FB memories came up from our vacation last year. Im sad. Im just so sad it didnt work out. I remember when that little boy told me on vacation that I could be his bonus mom and he came over and gave me the biggest hug. I am going back there a lot, I know, but I just think I might never get over it fully. I think I knew it was my last chance at the family I never had. It was hard to lose.

It was a nice weekend though. The kids had a ball, Im burnt and tan and I ate good food and had some good drinks. Insocialized with my dads friends who are very nice. I of course, the only non couple at the table aside from the kids. I was very happy to see my daughter happy, but deep deep down, there is just this awful emptiness. My daughter fills my heart up for sure , and shes the reason I go on breathing...... but that deep pit of pain wont go away.

Im going to take steps to feeling better. I just dont know what they are yet

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(((Ginger))). So sorry you are feeling so down these days my friend. Please, please, please try to keep the faith. I fully believe there is a great guy out there looking for you...you just have to go through a lot of wrong ones before you find him unfortunately. I watch a lot of dating and life advice on YouTube...Matthew Hussey being my favourite. I especially watch them when I have had a disappointing date or it seems like there are no decent guys on the horizon. It is a great way to build yourself back up and also have things put back into perspective. Im like you. I feel like I do pretty well on my own but do long for connection with that special someone. Has to be special though... I dont want to settle.

Im not sure how you are approaching OLD but one of the best advice I received is to not be super picky at the beginning stages. In other words, dont just swipe right on people who look like 10s (to you) but start swiping on 7s. We eliminate people for the stupidest reasons. I dont like his ears or his teeth are a bit crooked or his moustache is too big, etc... The thing is, we all know people in our lives who we might have swiped left on if we saw them on a dating app but who we love regardless. Like my sister said to me... Hey...my hubby doesnt have great teeth. My response, Yeah, but hes BIL and I dont even notice because I love him. Exactly!! Like Matthew said in one of his videos... we all have had the experience when weve gone out with a 10 and watched them turn into a 6 or a 7 after spending time with them and a 7 who becomes a 10 because of how they are when we are with them. So...with that advice in mind, Ive been swiping right on 7s and the result has been crazy. Not that Ive found the guy yet but I sure have be in contact with a lot more than I would have had I not done that. Ive had at least one or two dates a week since. Havent found my guy yet but Im not worried. Im enjoying the experience and any date I go on is a chance to practice my dating and communication skills...including being direct with someone about whether or not you want to see them again...I find that part the hardest, tbh.

Anyway...if you find yourself spiralling a bit, DEFINITELY go back to IC. At the very least, it will give you the opportunity to unpack some of the feelings youve been


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Oops...hit the button prematurely and it wouldnt let me edit.

...carrying around with you. This has been an incredibly stressful time for people and especially those of you in the areas hardest hit who are working on the front line. Some extra support at this time would do you some good, I think.

Sending you big (((HUGS))) from across the miles my friend. Hang in there. You will end up where you want to be one day and look back on this time and wonder why you ever doubted it. You will also realize that you had to go through everything you went through so that you could end up exactly where you are supposed to be. With that in mind, do your very best to embrace and celebrate where you are at now. Be present. Be okay with feeling happy and with feeling sad. It is all a part of living and be grateful for it because you ARE alive and you get to make choices for yourself. xo


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Yeah DV you're so right. My ex wasn't my "type" at all and I probably wouldn't have picked him if online dating was a thing. I wasn't interested when I first met him because he looked like every dumb surfer stereotype, blond and blue eyes (not my thing, I'm sure others would love his blue eyes but they were never a selling point for me). Yet he became very attractive to me as our relationship grew. (Ok, he turned out to be a mistake in the long run, but I'm just referring to physical attraction here).

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Hi Ginger,

Oof. It's hard when a first date seems to go well. I bet the distance was a factor. smirk

You found an almost-connection after 3 first dates! Your logical side has to know your odds are really good by the time you've had 3, 6, 12 dates.. even if emotionally almost-connections can be rough.

Originally Posted by Ginger
Im going to take steps to feeling better. I just dont know what they are yet

I bet you will. You inspired me to realize that I could be happy on a day or weekend completely alone.



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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Hey DJ!

Excellent questions and advice. Ive been at this OLD way too long. I try not to rule out people over petty stuff. I dont need a perfect guy, perfect looking, etc. because I am non of the above myself. But important stuff for me is that if you are a father, you are an involved father. Employed is pretty essential for me. And not a whole bunch of baggage you just arent carrying well. I probably swipe from a 6 up. And I do get lots of responses. Im not what I used to be physically, but neither are these guys, lol. I legit have no clue what went on in that guys head, but whatever.

Its exhausting . I have 10 days without my kid and I have no dates lined up. I kind of quit. Im burnt out of first dates . And I surely wont be paying like again. Im just worn out, but I refuse to settle. I just cant.

Maybe it really is true. My time isnt until my daughter leaves for college. I get so much anxiety now anyways trying to figure out when I actually have free time to go out on the date. Aside from these 10 days to myself, I rarely get time for myself.

Last night I had dinner with a friend, and it was awesome. Next Thursday I have plans with coworkers, and Friday, plans with another friend. It helps a lot to have some social interaction.

I just get said when I realize all I have is me. But I realize this is also by choice. And when I say by choice, I chose not to continue dating people who are not good matches.

Im sad. D12 is leaving me for 10 days on Tuesday. Longest I ever went without her.

Oh, and yesterday I had a surprise delivery from a friend that sent me a 12 pack of craft beer form a local brewery. It seriously warmed up my heart so much, I was again reminded I am not dead inside yet

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Hey sweetie....miss you.

I think him being an hour and a half away with children wouldn't have worked for either of you. Been there, done that...it was difficult over time. He should have said something to you regardless but people are who they are and unfortunately, I am finding, many aren't very considerate.

I get what you are feeling. I do. Little family, friends coupled up...been there too, and it was not fun. And you have been for a long time. I'm sorry you are feeling sad.

Remember I told you that I think you should change things up? If you keep doing the same things, you get the same results. I also think that what you show the world reflects back to you. And I could feel how much you want a relationship all the way over here. I get that, too. It is nice to share your life with someone.

And while you may think you are not wearing that on you, you are. It is in subtle ways for sure. How can you not be? You are depressed, lonely, sad. That shows. Trust me...i have been and still am most of those things and people know it as much as I try to hide it.

I could tell you that you have a lot of great things in your life and that is true...great daughter, career, you own your own home, you are beautiful inside and out, funny as hel1, wonderful personality, etc. And all of that is amazing, but, I know that one thing you really want is a healthy, connected relationship.

So, what is one thing you can do differently that you haven't tried? Have you tried joining groups doing things you enjoy? I know that is hard now during a pandemic but wont always be. Have you tried changing your mindset and to really embrace all you have and understand that you can have a great life without someone? Because it is usually when you begin to accept that fully that someone walks into your life.

I so want you to be joy filled, my friend. You are in my prayers always.

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Ginger1 Offline OP
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UR, Ive been thinking a lot about your post. Im going to get to it. I miss you.

However, something happened and I am freaking out. Something I dearly did not want to happen. My friends are unavailable, and I just need to put this somewhere

D13 and I went to dinner and went for ice cream afterwards. We get out of the car and I see M, his son, 2 women I think, and 2 or 3 little girls about his sons age outside the place eating ice cream. I quickly tell D 12 to get back in the car and we left. She saw them too and didnt want to see them either.

Talk about getting kicked when you are down. I feel sick. I had him blocked all over the place. Because I knew I couldnt handle seeing him and his son with another woman and children . I mean they could have been friends, but I doubt it.
D12 says does he have a whole new family?!?

I seriously just feel so much pain right now its unbearable. I just knew I could never handle seeing that. I feel like someone put a knife directly in my heart. Dramatic, I know, but right in my life was not the time to see that.

And I got to go on tonight not showing too much pain in front of her.

Wow. The universe hates me .

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