Its exhausting in the morning coming out of that hazy land of sleep and then realizing he is the first thing I'm thinking about. Literally everyday.
I promise you, that will change with time. It is what it is, don't be upset with yourself over things you can't control.
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I was very business like in the two times I needed docs. Not rude but anything I wrote out I made sure to go back and eliminate 30% of it keeping it as short and to the point as possible.
Good.
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But, I noticed I would feel so grimy and dirty after these contacts. I mean like literally GROSS. So I talked with someone why this is - it as brought to my attention that it wasn't that the contact was wrong and what was making me feel so awful was the fact I'm doing something against my core beliefs. Divorce is against my core beliefs. It was suggested that I stop and tell him to just get an atty to move forward because I can't willingly participate.
Well but you're not pushing for D, you're just trying to get the financial settlement resolved. He's harboring a lot of resentment over his belief that you're holding "his" money hostage. So get it all worked out. Sure it may give you some heartburn but it doesn't mean that it's not the right thing to do.
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Right now its just "words" but the settlement could be in my favor $25-50k. I shouldn't walk away from that. Its stupid to let attys eat that up and to p*ss it away
I was very business like in the two times I needed docs. Not rude but anything I wrote out I made sure to go back and eliminate 30% of it keeping it as short and to the point as possible.
****** I'M DOWN 28LB *******
KitCat, I'm happy to hear how things are going for you. It sounds like you're on a better track!
Talked to atty and let her know that the ball needs some forward motion. She found it humorous that he would not sign the order giving him immediate access to 1/2 of the broker funds... if he couldn't have all of it he wanted none of it.
I was given options... she suggested setting a hearing but I'm not ready for that given that H still states he is wanting "amicable". She then stated she could send the disclosure forms along with requests for doc to him directly but I let her know that he has given me some of the docs when I ask. So currently she sent me the forms for us to do together.
She is well aware that she may not hear from me for awhile as I am in NO hurry. This really boils down to how much H is pushing things through. And, who knows at any point in time he could turn this S into a D as its just filing a document.
INPUT NEEDED
Now, as I have requested docs from H I told him I would give a copy of everything I will give to atty. I have sent him copies of financial statements, financed items including both vehicles at the house.
Now for each vehicle I sent a print out of what was owed at the end of March and a KBB value of the item. Sent via email.
(H has already done this for me with the bike and the boat) Sent via email.
I texted him that I sent docs to him for the car/suv and I need the same in regards to his truck.
So I got a screen shot of the KBB and while I can see a number valuation there is no identifier as to what vehicle its for... and I did not get a statement on what is owed on his truck.
Why??? Why not give me both items via email so its complete information???
I'm like "whatever" because clearly I can't do paperwork if he isn't providing the proper docs. But, he is the one pushing for this so why is he being so uncooperative???
So - I suppose the best course of action is to give it a few days and make the request again? OR do I text him again tonight stating what is needed again?
I texted him that I sent docs to him for the car/suv and I need the same in regards to his truck.
So I got a screen shot of the KBB and while I can see a number valuation there is no identifier as to what vehicle its for... and I did not get a statement on what is owed on his truck.
Why??? Why not give me both items via email so its complete information???
Are you suddenly expecting him to be friendly and cooperative? Why would you expect that? He continues the exact same behavior pattern and you continue to act surprised about it.
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I'm like "whatever" because clearly I can't do paperwork if he isn't providing the proper docs. But, he is the one pushing for this so why is he being so uncooperative???
Sounds to me like you're the one pushing it. All he was pushing for was to get what he thinks is "his" money no strings attached. Are you basing your assumption on his one feeble post to the joint calendar saying he was meeting with a lawyer? Because I think that was nothing more than a passive/aggressive snipe on his part because he saw your L appt. on there.
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So - I suppose the best course of action is to give it a few days and make the request again? OR do I text him again tonight stating what is needed again?
It depends. If YOU want to move things forward then tell him right now that you can't use what he sent and to please send something you can use. If you don't want to move things forward then cease and desist. If you want to move this forward then you will have to set "going dark" aside until all the paperwork is done and filed.
Are you suddenly expecting him to be friendly and cooperative? Why would you expect that? He continues the exact same behavior pattern and you continue to act surprised about it.
Except I'm doing exactly what he asked me to do - well, I take that back. What he wants me to do is to write out agreement and go file it myself at the county clerk... yeah, that's a hard a no!!! But, he stated my atty needs to get him a number.
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Sounds to me like you're the one pushing it. All he was pushing for was to get what he thinks is "his" money no strings attached. Are you basing your assumption on his one feeble post to the joint calendar saying he was meeting with a lawyer? Because I think that was nothing more than a passive/aggressive snipe on his part because he saw your L appt. on there.
So the "L" appt on his calendar was a legit appt. It was his prior atty and he was taking care of the court docs for child support ending. He may have also been looking for representation by this atty but 1) he would be paying HUGE travel fees because its an hour away from where the case was filed and 2) conflict of interest as this atty represented me in a civil case 10yr ago. So AS you are 100% right... he wanted to stir the pot a bit. Because EVERYTIME he has ever had appt with this atty (sadly numerous over the years) he was listed LAST NAME as the appointment.
But, I never had an L appt on the calendar. I stopped putting that stuff on there.
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It depends. If YOU want to move things forward then tell him right now that you can't use what he sent and to please send something you can use. If you don't want to move things forward then cease and desist. If you want to move this forward then you will have to set "going dark" aside until all the paperwork is done and filed.
I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend all this does not exist. But, I can't walk away from a settlement that may be incredibly in my favor.
But, I like the "I can't use what you sent" line... gonna use that!
I have the next 3 days off for a family reunion. I am just going to focus on that. If needed will tackle this next week.
Realized I needed additional H's 401k docs as his XW's portion was removed during our M due to paperwork errors. I needed 2 other things as well.
I called. Not the best but H does not like like texts or emails.
Surprised he answered. He was cold. He was grocery shoppping with a guy? IDK. He was pissed to realized that he may owe me another $15k... immediately went to I'm trying to screw him over. He knows exactly what my atty is doing blah blah blah.
I remained calm and let him rant. It took a lot of self control not to yell back "you screwed me over dude... you screwed me out of my financial security and now every time I have to deal with you I have to hear additional threats"... but I said nothing.
He complained that he already filled out this paperwork once. I just responded "you're right you did".
At the end of the convo he asked that I text him what I needed because he wouldn't be able to get to all that until Monday. (I know he wants to prove me wrong about when his XW's stuff was pulled from the account... ) I reminded him that there was no rush on any of this and I knew he would not be able to do it until Monday.
His mood lightened and I ended the call.
BUT I FEEL SO GROSS. Perhaps because I could feel his extreme dislike of me. ALL I can say is that he probably isn't going to happy with the numbers my atty gives him. He is living in fantasy land.
