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Original post

Originally Posted by Ready2Change

That being said, you have to put in a lot of work to bust the Divorce. The good thing is you have a team of people here that can help you. Time is your friend, but do not waste it. Get busy making positive changes to your behaviors.

Do not pursue your wife. Your ultimate goal is to have her pursuing you. She needs to see a confident man that commands respect from others. Your job is to lead your family through this most difficult time.

#1) Do not argue with her anymore. Listen to understand.

#2) Do not make any snap decisions. "I am not sure. I will let you know when I decide" goes along way. Learn to use statements like this. Get feedback from us and make logical decisions. Never emotional decisions.

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Original post

Originally Posted by Andy88
During this time you can't really have any expectations. That includes reciprocal love. If you want to work it out you are going to have to work through the situation without expecting anything. It is hard, some days very hard. It is a lot of the time unfair. That doesn't mean that in the future those things can't happen, just you are not in that place right now. There are plenty of success stories from people on the other side of this.

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I wanted to post this to the board because I see time after time people misinterpret the term Alpha Male. I have read people interpret it to mean someone who is vigorously active, combative and aggressive which include activities like shooting guns. That describes a Militant.

I have read the term used to describe men whose goal is seduction and sexual success with women. That is a Pick-up Artist.

I have read people interpret it as a domineering man who controls and treats women badly. That is just a plain dick.

I read the following quote and thought to myself that this IMO should be the benchmark every man on the board should strive for in the future. If they can get to this place they will never have to be on forum trying to get their spouse/partner back.

“A true alpha’s state of mind is one of indifference, charm, humor, humility, courage and a belief that eventually, things will work out in their favor. Alphas set, keep and hold other people accountable to their boundaries. They stand up for what they believe in and don’t compromise their principles or values for anyone. They have an emotionally compelling vision of what kind of life and lifestyle they want to create and then resolve to pay the price, no matter how long it takes to make it a reality.”

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I like that. Though I would add that alphas also have an air of confidence. Not arrogance, but a firm confidence in themselves, their values, and their own self-worth.


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Originally Posted by Steve85
I like that. Though I would add that alphas also have an air of confidence. Not arrogance, but a firm confidence in themselves, their values, and their own self-worth.

I would argue that is implied in "courage and a belief that eventually, things will work out in their favor." and "They stand up for what they believe in and don’t compromise their principles or values for anyone." and then resolve to pay the price, no matter how long it takes to make it a reality.”

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Originally Posted by JosephS
DB isn’t manipulation at all. It’s about getting yourself back. Making yourself happy and being able to live and thrive in your new reality. When that happens, you become confident, happy and attractive naturally without it being forced. That’s what catches your spouses eye. That’s what makes them stand up and pay attention.


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H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2898809#Post2898809

Originally Posted by funbun


I know right, every time I talk to her, I feel miserable afterwards. I should be smarter to know when to engage her and when to keep my distance.

My anxious attachment is the main thing I have to work on during this period. It stems from an abandonment wound that I developed from childhood. My parents weren't really the best when it comes to handling emotions and I often felt dismissed and neglected as a child. Always had to handle things on my own, no one was there when I needed them, and I always had to be a good child. All I wanted was someone to affirm me and make me feel heard.

Everything that WAW is doing right now is making that abandonment wound bigger and triggering an anxious response from me. I am scared. I am in pain. This is uncomfortable. I want someone to soothe these feelings, I want her to soothe these feelings. But she's won't, she can't and I shouldn't. I need to learn to soothe myself and fill in the void in my heart.

So, I am starting to see that DB-ing is not a battle between me and WAW. It's a battle between me and my anxious attachment. I grieve and am hurting, not because W is leaving me, I grieve because I feel that I am being abandoned again and I am scared of being alone. If I am able to overcome my anxiety, I will win. Maybe that will make WAW return, maybe not. Regardless, I won. I won against something that plagued me for most of my life and I will be better for it.

I can do this.
whistle whistle whistle whistle


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2898750#Post2898750

Originally Posted by Gekko
I also don't chase women. Any woman who does not have high interest in me will not get my attention.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2898364#Post2898364

Originally Posted by LH19
The blessing for all of us is that the pain and stress provide motivation for real change.

Its a rare opportunity in life to find motivation to really evaluate who you are and who you want to be.

From my perspective, someone who saves their marriage but goes back to their old habits and resolves themselves to a life of unhappiness is not a success story.

Someone who ends up with a divorce but moves on to healthier and happier relationships has succeeded.


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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2898750#Post2898750

Originally Posted by Gekko
I also don't chase women. Any woman who does not have high interest in me will not get my attention.



THIS!!! Never settle for someone settling for you!


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M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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