My guess? Anytime you get a text notification you think it is him, and are disappointed when it is not. Then when it really is then "you knew it was him".
I never think its him... sometimes people just have intuition. I've been blessed with that in my life... I'm not saying daily and maybe a lot of it is premonition??? I have these weird freaky occurrences sometime... some are bizarre. At certain times in my life they happen more than others. I may go a decade with nothing... and then suddenly its happening frequently.
I'm not religious and I'm not overly spritual but sometimes I give it to the universe. Most of the time it makes me laugh.
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So while you feel like the funds being tied up are a hindrance, really the D being stalled is really where the hindrance is. I get you don't want to do his dirty work. We often tell LBSs not to. UNTIL the time is right. So how much longer are you willing to wait? 6 more months? A year? 2 years?
Steve its not even been 4months since BD. No, I'm not at a place to emotionally carry out the burden of HIS D. I don't know what he wants for his future. Of course if he wants remarried he is going to have to end this one first... and that might very well be what motivates him to get an atty.
I know 100% certainty that I am not ready to pull the trigger. I will not be goaded by anyone to do so. I'm not a fool. I understand that I do still have hope that this is not the end of our story.
While its taken time for my heart to catch up with my head. I can only control myself. I can only focus on myself. I'm reminding myself daily to stop focusing on the M. Either he gets his crap together or he just doesn't. In the meantime I'm planning several solo vacations and trips.
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As far as what you have to lose due to home equity, what you should really want is a fair settlement. Even if that means you get less cash due to the home equity. My W wanted to walk away with nothing. I insisted that we would split everything down the middle, 50/50, because that was fair.
i wasn't implying that I wasn't wanting to be fair. Its just he keeps throwing out that he had these funds before the M. What i was trying to say is that I also brought funds to the M... I already owned and was living in the house I have before the M. Those funds are more than the funds of this account.
Either way I've spent more time on this issue than I planned today. Off to exercise and then the pool.
You posted her 2/11. So this has been going for more than 4 months. But if you aren't ready fine. However I saw where he pointed out your weight and flaws. Then he lies and cheats on you. He sounds like a real prize.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Friday night S18 and I put together and tried to install the new headboard which was listed to be 78" in long when in reality it was 74" long... Definitely 4" short and unable to attach the board to the frame. :-( Overall was tired and frustrated... (and thinking that H would know how to finagle it to work right.... <<<< I recognize this is poor thinking on my part but appreciate the fact that I did not act on it)
It was soooo hot yesterday. I planned to walk 20min into town to watch the fireworks last night alone but at the last minute my son said he would join me as his plans fell through. It was super great to have the company. Fireworks are not his thing as he has sensory issues so I appreciated his time. We had a good chat on the way there.
I was surprised that he told me that H texted him last week mentioned that he may not come to party and gave some work excuse. I know the excuse is invalid and the real excuse is that he would feel uncomfortable around my family given the current situation... even though his mother will be there along with the young nephews. I'm not focusing on it
S18 also told me he texted H last Friday over a lawn mower issue. For starts I'm surprised that S18 would even do that given how overly angry he is at H right now... AND, I'm even more surprised that H answered him. It wasn't an offer of help --- no shock there. S18 seemed resigned though very frustrated he would have to figure it out himself.
I've had a couple of nice chats with SS20 who is finally stateside now but still 1/2 a country away. He commented on a couple of my FB posts so I messaged him to keep it private. I don't really know how my H would feel about staying in contact with SS20 and frankly don't care but I don't SS20 put in a tight spot. We had all hoped he would be home this month (and make it to grad party) but he is still a month away from being home. SS20's gf is going to make it out for a 5 day visit. I sent SS20 some cash so they could go out to a really nice fancy place for dinner. I reminded him that when he finally makes it home to stop by - have some things here for him.
I get through most of my days fairly well. Staying busy at work helps. I realize that right now at this moment I'm completely miserable. A HUGE chunk of me just wants to fast pace the D and get it over with... another part wants to say stuff it and keep that FO in place for as long as possible, move everything at a snails pace so he has to do all his dirty work and be reminded of the choices he made... and even a smaller part of me says I need to learn patience and to do just literally NOThING and that things may look so much different in 30 days, in 60 days, etc.
^^^^ With all that running through my head I'm too emotional to make a decision that I wouldn't end up regretting or second guessing later. So I'm just going to let it sit like background noise for the time being.
I'm going to move forward working my @ss off to let him go... and for now just pretend all the legal stuff doesn't exist and to quit thinking about it.
Last edited by job; 07/05/2001:37 PM. Reason: edited language
I think your still operating under the illusion of action where if you keeping trying different things that one of them will turn this around. First you addressed his complaint about your weight by dropping 25 pounds. Then you addressed your relationship issues by reading books and when you informed him and that didn’t work. Your last ditch effort is to do something with the divorce process. Try to remember that doing nothing is actually doing something so that should be your play moving forward.
Judging by your last post you did not mention how many days of NC you were at so I’m guessing you broke it.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do but you will get through it.
I think your still operating under the illusion of action where if you keeping trying different things that one of them will turn this around. First you addressed his complaint about your weight by dropping 25 pounds. Then you addressed your relationship issues by reading books and when you informed him and that didn’t work. Your last ditch effort is to do something with the divorce process. Try to remember that doing nothing is actually doing something so that should be your play moving forward.
Judging by your last post you did not mention how many days of NC you were at so I’m guessing you broke it.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do but you will get through it.
Soooooo drumroll..... I did NOT break NC!!! But, I shouldn't be counting the days either... that puts too much focus on it.
I wasn't using doing something with the divorce process as a tool to get him back. I was trying to explain emotionally that a big part me of just wants to be one and done --- that's coming from a place of deep pain. NOT trying to win his attention back. But, then I go back to why do I have to do the work for something i didn't want to why in the world can I not have any patience??? That things may just be different in 30 to 60 days... why rush??
So I admitting I do not want to do anything at the moment. I don't want to make a decision out of fear or anxiety (cause I've done plenty of those.) SOOOO, I am focusing on doing nothing.
Would appreciate some advice - H texted this morning "Hey did taxes get done this year" I have NOT responded. I did our taxes prior to BD and they were discussed at the time and they were discussed again in March. I get that on the calendar that Google put a reminder in on the 15th for Tax Day which was moved from April due to Covid - so he saw the reminder but he seriously can't remember that we have already covered this months ago. He also knows I'm always on top of everything. I've done the taxes on time for the last 10yrs.
This is a business item A) Do I just respond with yes or B) Do I ignore?
Thanks!! Please note that I'm not spinning but I want to do the right thing and clearly I've made bad judgement calls previously.
Thank goodness its busy at work today --- I'm getting stuck in my own head.
Yesterday was terrible as I saw a cute video/commercial on FB with an adorable pup. That sent me in a few minutes missing my own puppy so much... that was followed by finding a part of one of his toys under the couch when I was trying to see what the cat was doing.
UGH... badly broken heart. My head is filled with visuals of my puppy.
I spent more time with my dog. Would have loved to go to the park with him for a distraction but it was soooo incredibly hot this weekend.
It looks pretty positive that sailing in September will be a no go due to C19 causing continued port closure. Plan B is to go get matching tattoos with male bff. I've never had a tattoo and personally don't like tattoos - so why in the world was this MY idea??? We are deciding between a simple lotus flower, or just simply coordinates of the location where we met 40yrs (our old middle school), to even a saying such as you'll be my anchor to keep my feet on the ground and I'll be your wings to keep your head in the clouds... but leaving off the words and just doing an anchor for him and birds for me so its like a secret saying that only we have the key to!
2yr ago I asked H to take me to the gun range and teach me how to shoot a handgun. He talked about it a few times but never made it happen and well I didn't want to constantly nag... so it got dropped. So, Plan B is for male bff to take me to the gun range and teach me how to fire a handgun. Outside of that its hard to make plans not knowing what will happen with C19 between now and then.
Trying to stay focused on the party this Sunday. I have to order food on Wednesday but outside that I feel I have most of what I need. I pray for a day thats not too hot and will not rain - its outdoor event. Everyone please keep fingers crossed.
H has appt with atty in over a week. He is moving this forward.
I've done my best to give him time and space. I have broke NC in the past with regret. I know ultimately nothing has really changed. Everyone here has always pointed out that he was going to D me.
I knew it was coming but the reality is just overwhelming for the moment. I struggle with wanting to be whining and begging and pleading ---- but those things just show I'm low value and who wants someone of low value.
I will get through this but I so didn't want it to happen.
Just take a deep breath and understand it’s all part of the process. You are wise to not beg and plead and realize that it will just lower your value in his eyes.
