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Hey Joseph, glad to hear things are going well! Your W, wow she is a real piece of work. Good job in keeping her at arm's length and mostly ignoring her acting out. Remember the whole energy vampire thing- she just wants your energy regardless of whether it's positive or negative. So if she can't pull you in with sweetness she will try to pull you in with taunts. Just ignore it all, go completely grey rock on her. Boring, dull, flat. She'll eventually tire of it and look for someone else to drain.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Keep off the social media with stuff like this. Posting stuff about the mum walking out is not grey rock. Be the bigger man.. Be proud of D15 - don't rub it in WW face though.

As for all the replies.. Most are not child related - so ignore and enjoy your life. By replying / getting drawn into this £$£" you are feeding the energy vampire ( cant remember who posted that - probably AS or Steve85, but i liked it ) - walk away - Head held high.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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lol.. I posted this as AS has just referenced the same thing..:)

Last edited by MrBrside; 06/17/20 03:26 PM.

Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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I'd start ignoring all of her texts. If there is an emergency she will call and leave a message. While you think it is good, whether you want to admit it or not this is not helping with your detachment. Yes she is a mess. Yes she is nuts. I'd even consider blocking her texts all together. Tell her to email you. That way you can go into email and deal with her on your own time, and not constantly get interrupted by text notifications.

Cut the strings.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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I honestly didn’t know she was still “stalking” my Facebook. I wasn’t rubbing it in her face. She kind of did it to herself. And honestly it’s not a secret what she did. She made sure of that herself. And it’s hard to hide that all of a sudden I’m single, and have 5 kids full time out of nowhere anyway. I haven’t said anything to anyone about the abuse on Facebook. Just my best friend and family. I am proud D15 has gone thru what she did and how far she has come. I really don’t see the problem. I guess you’d have to see the post yourself to understand how proud I was and that’s honestly how it came off to anyone who wasn’t her narcissistic mother.

As far as the replies, I guess over the last few days to a week. I’ve kind of let go. I don’t think about her. I don’t wonder how she is doing. She’s nothing in my life of importance. It honestly just doesn’t bother me to see a text or reply if I find it needed. I’m not happy to hear from her, I’m not angry, I’m not sad. I wish her no ill will, but I don’t pray for her anymore either. I’m kind of...idk...just whatever about her if that makes sense? She doesn’t affect my emotional state anymore. I see what see sends, I reply or don’t and immediately get back to whatever I was doing without a 2nd thought. I think I’ve finally dropped the rope and have really started and made huge strides in detachment.

I also really like my new IC, she’s been absolutely wonderful and has made me see and view and think things differently in away idk if I could have alone. If anyone is reading my sitch and doesn’t see an IC. I can’t recommend going to one enough even if you have to try a few different ones until you find one that is good for you.


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“Give the many obstacles D15 had to overcome” rather than saying her mother left left her on social
Media. You absolutely should be proud, and you have bragging rights but mentioning on FB her mother abandoned her, eeeek, that’s not something to put on social media.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
“Give the many obstacles D15 had to overcome” rather than saying her mother left left her on social
Media. You absolutely should be proud, and you have bragging rights but mentioning on FB her mother abandoned her, eeeek, that’s not something to put on social media.


If fairness I said walked out. Not abandoned lol. Seriously though, everyone knows already she left and hasn’t been back. I use to put up a ton of pics of us all as a family. And she stopped being in them. People started tagging me in single parent memes. My daughter made a Tik Tok and posted it on her Facebook and tagged me. It was a short clip of her dancing with the background music saying something about it’s the remix. And she typed when your moms leaves instead of your dad. It is what it is on this one honestly.


Me: 40
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Originally Posted by JosephS
I think I’ve finally dropped the rope and have really started and made huge strides in detachment.


That sounds confident......


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Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by JosephS
I think I’ve finally dropped the rope and have really started and made huge strides in detachment.


That sounds confident......


I am confident, but also realistic. Here’s where my mind frame is at this time.

#1. she had an affair for months while pretending everything was fine.
#2. she hid her substance abuse for a long time, while again pretending everything was fine.
#3. she recently made a statement that she doesn’t care if she ends up in h3ll, she’ll just go down there and run that b****
#4. After really digging into the flags and her actions over the last 16 years it’s obvious to me I was willfully ignorant of who she was and is. She’s always twisted truths and hid things.
#5. Do I really miss her? No I don’t miss her. What I miss is the companionship she brought and stability she brought. I can find that in a different woman when the time is right.
#6. When everything initially went down the cruelty she treated me with. The taunting she did to me. One particularly hurtful statement was “how stupid were you to believe I was playing cell phone games while watching TV. How stupid do you feel I was talking to my boyfriend and falling in love with you in the same room”.

This is just the peak of the ice berg and none of this touches what she did to my kids.

So really...what’s the point of allowing someone like that affect me one more minute. Why sit around and pray an adulterous person who has absolutely no care in the world for my well being comes back? And even if a divine miracle did happen and she made amends with my children and me, there’s absolutely nothing to suggest I just won’t be right back here in 5 months to 5 years.

Of course I’m still grieving the loss of 16 years. I’m grieving the loss of my marriage. I’m grieving the loss of a 2 parent family for my children. But I’m done grieving the loss of her as a person.

So I’m focusing on the positives this situation has brought me. I’m a better father. I’m closer to my brother and his family than I ever have been. I’m allowed to have friends and not be questioned about it. I’m a better “man”. I realize there’s more to life than what my bank statement says. I’m closer to god. My children are happier and doing better. It’s not all doom and gloom as it has felt for so long.

So I can sit here and spin my wheels. I can sit in a state of shock and self pity. Or I can move forward with my life. Tomorrow is never promised, so I’m done wasting today hoping for a better tomorrow. I’m making the best day today can be. And that’s how I’m choosing to live my life.


Me: 40
EX:37
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5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11

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All I am suggesting is that you go to email for non-emergency communications. For emergency she calls and leaves a message so you can determine if it is truly an emergency. Cut off the texting. It is your way of holding onto the very end of the rope.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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