My mother told me I should text X to inform him he'll be served at his home tomorrow morning. The idea made me recoil. I don't want to, but I also don't like the idea that I might be doing something wrong. Am I doing anything wrong? Should I inform him? I really hate this feeling of doubting myself. I told him in an email months ago that I would divorce him so it's not a surprise. He had the opportunity to file a joint application but has ignored the paperwork for two months. I just want this over with. I can't imagine why he'd get upset or cause trouble but now other people are in my head making me anxious and confused. Help!
I’m with you Scout. No need to warn him, in my opinion. You already did in your email. This is just the next step in the process. And so what if he does get upset? This was his doing. If he should be mad at anyone, it should be himself. However...having said that...nothing wrong with warning him either. In other words, I don’t think there is a right or wrong in this situation. Just do what you feel comfortable with and don’t worry about what others are saying. They aren’t you. (((HUGS)))
I wouldn't warn him. If you do, he will make it a point to avoid being available. He's a big boy and should be very much aware that a divorce is coming very quickly. Trust me, if the shoe was on the other foot, he would not warn you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
There's no good way to do it. I felt really cold-hearted when I "surprise" filed (even though we had agreed more than half a year beforehand). I was a nervous wreck. People told me my kids would remember who filed. It's all noise. It's a necessary step in the process.
He still may cause trouble and get angry, but those are his problems (unless they end up impacting you or S2).
Thanks all. I'm not sure if he was served or not. I haven't heard from my L and of course, nothing from X.
We are quite Covid-safe now, so the social calendar is in full steam.
It was my birthday on Friday. I took the day off to get a massage and haircut, then dropped S2 off at my parents' place so I could meet a friend for dinner. We have known each other for ten years and she has been overseas for the last couple of years, so we had a lot to catch up on. I forgot how fun it is to get together with another single girlfriend and talk about boys over a couple of drinks.
My birthday/divorce party went well. I spent the last couple of weeks sprucing up my outdoor space with a firepit, Adirondack chairs, new dining setting, and many strings of of fairy lights. It was a lovely cold evening around the fire playing board games and chatting with old and new friends. We ordered pizza and had drinks until everyone headed home around 11pm.
Unfortunately S2 came down with a fever in the afternoon so I kept running into his room to sponge him down and cuddle him in bed, but he was fine the next morning. It was X's day with him so I went back to bed as soon as S2 left. X was 15 minutes late for pickup and not only did he notify me, he actually apologised! Stranger things have happened...
To round out my birthday weekend, I went on a first date with this new guy. He took out me for coffee and ordered us a dessert grazing platter to celebrate my birthday - pancakes, waffles, fruit, toasted marshmallows with melted dipping chocolate. He was goofy and awkward, kinda nervous, but very sweet, and we chatted about our kids and exchanged numbers. I'm cautiously excited.
Lots of people can be a little awkward and nervous on a first date. But he was sweet and considerate and isn’t a calorie nazi like my ex - all good things!
One thing that endeared my first post-divorce boyfriend to me was him insisting I eat a bowl of ice cream with him after dinner, even though I warned him I’m a little lactose intolerant and would fart all night. He didn’t care, nor did he care if ice cream might make me a bit plump, he just wanted to share his delight in it with me.
That sounds like a cute first date. you are still young and have so much life ahead of you!! I'm excited for you.
Originally Posted by kml
One thing that endeared my first post-divorce boyfriend to me was him insisting I eat a bowl of ice cream with him after dinner, even though I warned him I’m a little lactose intolerant and would fart all night. He didn’t care, nor did he care if ice cream might make me a bit plump, he just wanted to share his delight in it with me.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
