May, I get the sense you're uncomfortable with the word abuse being applied to your situation. Does it help to think of it in a literal sense - the exploitation of a power imbalance for personal gain? Or as wikipedia puts it - the improper usage of a thing to unfairly gain benefit. In your case, it's covert rather than overt.
Traumatic bonding can occur between the abuser and victim as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change and a climate of fear. I do wonder if this resonates with you at all.
I like your IC. Your H has been jerking you around for months at his whim. I agree with your IC and others like Blu that getting in touch with your anger will be a good thing.
However you label it (I hate labels generally), your H is definitely emotionally manipulative. He constantly [censored] you into R talks. I think setting some hard boundaries to limit this behavior will help you greatly. If you don't change this pattern, he has no reason to change and like others here I think it's not healthy at all for you.
