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I was so desperate for the anger to stop... and managed to get to a place of emotional neutral with him. But, now I feel that he is just indifferent. At least with anger there was some emotional attachment.

I get that anger is from pain.

I thought it was good when the anger dissipated and vilification stopped - but now there is so much more distance... at least with anger I knew where I stood?

Is that weird???

I mean what 4months ago standing in the kitchen together and he is angry. His voice and tone are harsh... so much anger H-"IDK MAYBE I JUST WANTED TO HAVE HOPE" Me - "I want to have to have hope too" BUt, there was eye contact!!!

To today. We are both standing in the kitchen. Not an angry bone or muscle between us. Our voices are calm and respectful. He doesn't look at me directly. His face is emotionless. Our talk is casual... about his work, his fishing. But, he has no interest in what I'm doing.

I thought getting through the anger and being calm and respectful of each other. The big steps I've taken to let go of control and to show him more respect... would open the door for more intimacy between us but just seems to have brought us to opposite sides of the Grand Canyon.

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Originally Posted by KitCat
But, he is not himself around me. Its like the Great Wall of China there.

Because he can feel your desperation. If he gives you one look or smile and you will jump his bones or something. You've tried a dress, exposing your tatas and nips. Next time just greet him at the door in your birthday suit lol.

I have to give you credit that your are tenacious. You're delusional but determined and that should count for something. lol

I whish you luck KK!

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by KitCat
But, he is not himself around me. Its like the Great Wall of China there.

Because he can feel your desperation. If he gives you one look or smile and you will jump his bones or something. You've tried a dress, exposing your tatas and nips. Next time just greet him at the door in your birthday suit lol.

I have to give you credit that your are tenacious. You're delusional but determined and that should count for something. lol

I whish you luck KK!


It was 8:30am in the morning on my day off... I considered just answering the door in that sexy nighty rather than just leaving it on the hook... smile

UGH - I'm trying to be calm and neutral. I'm also dressing great so it helps me feel great... I didn't go on about the undergarments I had on under the dress... LOL. I've dropped weight. I've increased in strength --- I look good and I'm going to show that off!

But I'm still wearing the perfume of desperation... that's what he smells...

Yeah... tenacious... but what many 5'2" women are not... LOL We have to get the world to notice us down here! But, not the first time I've been called that... I see something I want... I make a plan... been that way since 3rd grade. frown

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Originally Posted by KitCat

I mean what 4months ago standing in the kitchen together and he is angry. His voice and tone are harsh... so much anger H-"IDK MAYBE I JUST WANTED TO HAVE HOPE" Me - "I want to have to have hope too" BUt, there was eye contact!!!



This is going to hurt to face, but it is important. For you that meant you wanted hope in the saving the MR. For him, he meant hope in general (as in to him staying in the MR meant no hope). Remember, believe nothing he says. WSs are notorious for talking in double-speak. They say things in a way so that when you take it the way you want to, later they can claim they didn't mean it that way. If you later say to him "You told me in the kitchen you wanted to have hope in us too" he would quickly point out that he didn't say "in us".

KC, I know you've struggled with this. But anger towards didn't meant that he was not going to come back. And being nice doesn't mean he was going to come back. Being indifferent doesn't mean one or the other.

But I do like that you said you need to go NC and not looking at him over your shoulder...because that is exactly what you have been doing.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by KitCat
UGH - I'm trying to be calm and neutral. I'm also dressing great so it helps me feel great... I didn't go on about the undergarments I had on under the dress... LOL. I've dropped weight. I've increased in strength --- I look good and I'm going to show that off! frown

This is all good stuff and 23 pounds at age 51 is very impressive. Having said that like the Rolling Stones song "you can't always get what you want".

Zero expectations and keep moving forward.

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Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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