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That was the MOST painful interaction to date.

He came by to pick up his mail. Getting his paperwork out of the file cabinet. Tracking down his yearbooks.

I look beautiful today. I'm wearing a dress. Lovely deep shade of purple with a fun print. I have my hair tied back loosely and just bare minimum make up.

He brought the puppy!!!!!! smile I was grateful to see the puppy. It was 100% the right thing to do in letting him have the puppy. Not really having time for 2 dogs and H has really bonded with him well. The puppy gets to go to the farm several times a week and run/play in the creek. H says he is very well behaved in the house but had to stop putting him in the kennel because he again figured out how to get out of the latest one he bought.

No eye contact. No smile. No jovial joking... that is until S18 made an appearance looking disheveled just getting out of bed coming to the kitchen. Then H's tone softened and was casual and joking.

I couldn't take the silence. He didn't make any effort to ask anything about me - work, party, etc. So I just asked basic things like how was work - actually got a little animation from him as he did an eye roll talking about office politics. I asked about fishing then just talked about the puppy.

I played with the dog outside by myself. H did not join. Once back in the house I continued to interact with dog. I had some of H's paperwork packed up but suggested he go through the cabinet to get anything else that was his. I left the room and left him to it.

I had a recently knit sweater that was being blocked in the kitchen and pointed it out that it was done (it was a work in progress at an earlier move out time.) He casually looked but seemed confused so I just said that is the yarn you bought me in Jacksonville.... "oh". Then I showed him a work in progress with the yarn he "surprised" me with in January... stated if I needed more he knew where to go get it (the town he works in). Well, I mentioned I couldn't go further as needed more... if he wanted to do me a favor.... NO GO.... NO TAKING THE BAIT... no interest in doing me a favor.

S18's party invite was on top of his mail. He picked it up and turned it over to look at the details - date and time and read them out. I did not say ONE word about would he come/go to party. The only thing I said is it was going to be over $300 for tent... how I wished he had not already taken the one he was holding for his friend at our house and if we could have asked to borrow it... THAT GOT NO RESPONSE. So I dropped it.

Followed him and the dog outside as he loaded up the truck and then stood for the longest time watching the construction of the new house across the street. I just stood there too and he asked if I knew who the new neighbors were yet... talked about the pool and how its always busy now... he mentioned they would be finishing the road soon (I live on an uncompleted street so it dead ends now but it will eventually become a large loop as development continues.

I said yeah, I probably won't be here when that finally gets done... "oh, where are you going to go?" <<<<< that was the only thing he asked me all day. I let it drop and didn't answer he was putting the puppy in the truck and just said good bye.

At prior visits... there would always be this moment... this moment where the wall came down a bit... and he would just say something without thinking "the motorbike ride" on one visit, "oh, do you need me to make dog treats for you" on another visit. There were no small cookies to be doled out... it seemed so incredibly completely finished.

I feel sad for sure.

He must really love her.

Crap - he just called. "did I leave something on the table?" - yes, it looks like you left your yearbooks that you took out of the sun room. "#$%%*&". I didn't say anything at first and he mentioned he was already almost back to his town. I said you can pick up if you come to S18 party, OR if your mother is here I can sent it with her... silence... OR you can come by another time... "Oh, OK, I'll work something out" - which I 'm sure means to have his mother pick them up when she is here for S18 party.

NOT ONE WORD about atty's, financial order, S or D... Honestly, I figured when he asked for the paperwork from his prior D atty that would have triggered him to bring something up... NOT A WORD. Also not one bit of anger... not any villification.

I absolutely hate this.

My only option is NC and to stop looking over my shoulder.

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Oh---- the only saving grace it that he asked to use the bathroom right after he arrived. I said of course.

He always goes right to the MB bathroom... whatever.

But I made sure to the sexiest, silkiest nighties hanging on the hook which he had to walk right by to get to the toilet... LET HIM WONDER WHO THOSE WERE FOR...

JERK

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KK,

So much for not mention the party to him again lol.

Condom wrappers in the bathroom would have been better then the nighty lol.

2-5 years KK. Will you wait that long?

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Did you tell him to change his forwarding address?

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You can also leave his stuff outside in a box

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So. Many. Expectations.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Quote

So much for not mention the party to him again lol.


^^^^ RIGHT??? I don't even know where that came from. He seemed so utterly frustrated and I the ever problem solver... trying to find a fix. BUT, I also mentioned that they could be sent with his mother when she is at the party... sort of letting him know he's an adult and figure out his own life.

Quote

Condom wrappers in the bathroom would have been better then the nighty lol.


Maybe but that would have made me feel dirty... I still wear my ring and consider myself married at the moment. I don't mind leaving around a sexy nighty... because frankly I'm tending to wear them.

I should have been wearing them more for my H like I used to... but here we go down the same hole where I got stuck in my own head, not feeling comfortable in my own skin... MY ISSUES that H internalized that I lost feelings for him.

Anyway - down 24lb... I need to appreciate the hard work to start looking good again even if he won't... so I try to not wear frumpy pj's all the time.

Quote

2-5 years KK. Will you wait that long?


Probably not... I will stand as long as my D isn't final. If the D gets drug out 2yr... IDK... maybe. While H threw out 2yr separation at the very get go.... and then again when I changed the locks... he stated we could take 2yr to figure to finalize everything and he wasn't out to screw me over ---- everything else he has said is that he will give me a year.

I just have to accept that he loves her. Feels he has more in common with her.... there are running with a shared group of old high school friends. SURE, one could argue that we have a shared history... but they clearly have a shared history too.

All I got is NC.

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Originally Posted by Steve85
So. Many. Expectations.


I know.

What did I think was going to happen??? Like he would invite me to dinner at his house or something??? He might try to initiate a hug???

Maybe if he would just come out and tell me he has found someone who he thinks is very special and a better fit for him than me and he really loves her... maybe if he would say it out loud to me... it would get through my thick skull...

But, he never says anything.

But, he is not himself around me. Its like the Great Wall of China there.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
You can also leave his stuff outside in a box


I could - and I have in the past.

My only issue is that there is new construction happening across the street which means lots more traffic and several dozen sub contractors. I wouldn't leave out used kitty litter at the moment.

Last time there was construction next door to me there were thefts from my home... things just walked off...

I have to take that off the list right now. But, I can certainly arrange time with S18 - he seems to be nicer to him anyway.

I mentioned the address thing but I couldn't tell if he was listening to me - he seemed distracted. Frankly he didn't seem to react to 2 other things I brought up as well. I just walked away and let him go through things without me over his shoulder.

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KC, what I can say is that this stuff is difficult. I know I come across as harsh with you at times. That is not my intent. I just feel so much for you, and understand your struggle. It is like when my W was depressed at the end of her EAs. Watching her hurt over another man was brutal. So please know, I understand your pain.

My goal for you is to get past that pain asap. And the only way to do that is to move on. So when I see you backtracking I get stern....not because I don't care, but because I do.

I wish I could give you a magic-wand that you could wave and make this all go away. Unfortunately, there is not. Please just keep protecting yourself. Think of expectations as more opportunities to hurt you again. When you drop the expectations, you take away his ability to hurt you. Admittedly, that doesn't happen overnight.

((((((((((KC)))))))))))))


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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