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He told my girls they were rude and mean. He is just used to doing things on his own, doing what he wants, and when he wants as he has had no one to tell him anything different. Yes, picking a 3rd person slide would have been optimal. Not sure that crossed their 9 and 11 yr old minds at the time. Unfortunately all the kids are used to their group him his single group and the girls their group so that is the challenge. Maybe better if both of us had 1 kid.

I do feel bad for the kid as well. I am sure it makes him feel even more isolated and an outcast even more however his personality doesn't help. Unfortunately he is used to doing things on his own, playing on his own and will even do his own thing when even playing with a group of kids. I saw it on Wednesday as we all went over to a friends house who have a little boy. The girls, him and the other little boy were all playing then 30 minutes later the Doc's son ends up in the kids bedroom playing by himself. He does his own thing and marches to his own drum.

I can see he really wants to make a connection with people, not sure he knows how to do it though. A good friend of mine, who is in her 60's, told me that the kid will always be fuched up and it's not going to work. She had a bad experience with being a step-mom to an adopted daughter of the man she married after her first divorce however she might be jaded a bit. She said it about ended their marriage several times.

The Doc and I spoke a little about it last night and we felt the issue was 50/50 on both ends. Which is probably accurate to an extent however her son makes it more challenging. I feel bad for him but he is annoying and a beating to be around. My emotions are mixed. I really do believe he is better off by himself on so many levels.

The thing is that the Doc and I get along really well. We have not had one fight or argument since we have started dating. It has been so easy for us outside of the kids. I know I have said this before but she is so good to me, she buys me groceries, buys me booze, gets my coffee for me in the morning, she pays for things, she will do anything I ask her to do. There is no power struggle, she doesn't test me, she fully defers, asks for input, my help, my advice, she wants to spend as much time with me as she can. I could go on but the point is that I have never been treated this way before and I love it. It would be hard to get away from it and I could never go back to being treated any differently. I don't say it to be demeaning or disrespectful but she views me as full blown Alpha and is completely submissive. It was a weird feeling to be treated this way early on but now a fuching love it. She makes it so easy for me to be a man. I do what I want, when I want and how I want and she gives me free reign to do it. I love it!

Money is not an issue, combining households for financial issues is not a priority which makes this all pure. Early on the doc said she didn't want to date permanently without getting married she needs to know it was leading to something. She didn't give a time line on how long other than it needs to be leading to something. Maybe we both are realizing this timeline is much longer than we ever thought. I do know that forcing the issue with the kids won't work and I think it would be the downfall of us.

I personally don't feel a need to rush it, I do have the perfect situation. I do take into consideration her feelings though so I guess the important thing is that we communicate. The Doc and I could end up dating and be in separate houses for years. We will just continue to take ques from our kids.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Well, you guys don’t fight because she apparently worships the ground you walk on and doesn’t rock the boat a bit. Seriously though, how long can that possibly last for! I know you love it, who wouldn’t, but is that really healthy?

My fear is for that boy. All of you living under the same roof and her worshipping you like you are a God will be even harder on her son. And your girls might think you are supposed to worship a man.

For dating, all the worship sounds great. But the long term? Gee, I don’t know. But hey, I’m still a single gal, so don’t take it from me.

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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9

I do what I want, when I want and how I want and she gives me free reign to do it. I love it!




J - take this for what it's worth. That's the kind of freedom that my exh had ... so, there's the grain of salt ... is she doing this because
a. she doesn't want to lose you?
b. she wants as much free reign herself and views this as an egalitarian relationship?
c. she is pretzeling herself on some level?

Make sure the answer is B, not a or c ...
xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

You have no idea what people are going thru in their personal lives. Be nice. It's that simple.
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I know but what am I supposed to do? Make her not think I am the greatest thing in the world? Pick a fight? I am kind of at a loss when it comes to that.

Yes, I agree. Me living in the house full time would make it very hard on her son even harder if my girls were there.

I guess I just need to be happy with the current situation?

Doc does like her alone time no doubt. I am sure she doesn't want to lose me either so it could be a combo.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 4,754
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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
I know but what am I supposed to do? Make her not think I am the greatest thing in the world? Pick a fight? I am kind of at a loss when it comes to that.


we're all clear you're right up there with PB& J sammiches. No need to make her think otherwise.

Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9


Yes, I agree. Me living in the house full time would make it very hard on her son even harder if my girls were there.

I guess I just need to be happy with the current situation?


Are you happy with the current situation?

Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9


Doc does like her alone time no doubt. I am sure she doesn't want to lose me either so it could be a combo.


I think what I was ineptly trying to convey was to be watchful that she's not pretzeling herself to keep you, because that is not a long term plan for happiness for either of you. Take a subtle approach.

Last edited by Cadet; 05/31/20 02:02 PM.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

You have no idea what people are going thru in their personal lives. Be nice. It's that simple.
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Yes, I am happy with the current situation. I get what I want and come and go as I please. When I need a break I just retreat back to my casa. There have been times though were it has been weird going home and everyone not being together. Additionally while both of us don't need the financial benefits that go along with the arrangement it certainly would save us both money (obviously) obviously not a deal breaker but I do think about it from time to time.

I have never felt like she was pretzeling herself. I know the things she does now to keep herself looking beautiful are different than what she did with her XH. Mostly because they didn't have sex and since he couldn't get it up she didn't really care. I don't think what she does is any different than what a lot of women do to feel beautiful as they feel wanted and desired by their husband. In her mind I am everything her XH was not. I am aware though that she was probably a fuching bitch to him especially when he didn't work, couldn't get it up and her mind contributed nothing to their household. I am sure she wore his azz out however that is not me on all accounts.

The kids being an issue could really be a blessing in disguise because it could really let me continue to see if this is the true her or if she is really is putting on a front.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Posts: 7,345
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Yo King lol. You use the term “let me” in your last sentence. That doesn’t sound king like lol.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Lol!!!!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Well, while I am sorry to hear of this, all I can say is thank goodness you did not rush in there and propose and move in together. Things can always be worse; you could be playing whack-a-mole 24/7.

Remembering my water park (and amusement park) days with young kids, even numbers are best! Personally, had I been in the Doc's situation, I would have brought a friend for my son. I hope I am wrong on this, but I have this sinking feeling that maybe this kid does not have any friends. And on the nights the girls were coming over I would have him have over several friends to change and soften the dynamic. It takes a lot of work and effort to socialize young kids but it pays big dividends. Was he properly socialized with peers? Does he have several buddies he can have over?

Kids are extremely perceptive and almost always underestimated. From my vantage point the question is not so much are you happy with the current situation but, how can we make this better? It seems to be escalating and even when it is not, it' always there under the surface: will they get along today?

I think this problem is not going to go away for a while until these kids see there's something in it for them to blend families. While you may love being the Saudi Prince, her son is watching all that so he has zero interest in opening the door further for you. Your girls are watching that and seeing the contrast of how she treats her boyfriend of a hot second vs. her own son. And then the kids are seeing the different parenting styles and wondering how it all affects them. It's a whole lot!

It seems to me it would help to build a relationship with this kid to alleviate some of this tension from him. But I also think a lot of this comes from the fact that there is something off with the Doc's relationship with him. I think he is not good enough and it seems like often his love is dependent on performing: reciting bible verses and showing how smart he is. There is an opportunity for you to come in here and try to build a bond with this kid. Maybe it's sitting down and trying to play a few of these games with him. As he's into video games, maybe it starts with going to a store (or looking at the App store) and browsing, even buying one you can play together? Maybe it's going to a store and picking out a Lego or something you can build together. He needs to look forward to seeing you. Maybe it's let's grab lunch together: you pick!

As for your girls, on the nights they are with you, do you have many times where it's just the 3 of you and you don't go to the Doc's? Did you tell the Doc what your younger daughter said about wanting to live with her mother if you marry? You have to find out the root of this and fix it in the same way the issues with the boy need to be fixed.

Maybe it would be worthwhile for you and the Doc to have a consult with a family therapist experienced in blending families? You have been saying for a while how great this all is, but the reality is EVERY relationship is work in one form or another. Nothing worth having in this world comes without significant work.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Hawho’s post was excellent. And she’s a great momma .

I do think it will work out J. If there’s enough love there , you can make this work. But I think it’s going to take a lot of work with the doc and her son individually maybe some counseling there. Along with some related to blending families.

It’s going to be a long process. But if you want this to work, it’ll just take a lot of effort . I think you have it in you

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