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Thank you to every one who has been wanting the best for me.

I've been working very hard... paying some things forward. Relaxing. Picked up a series again that I had been watching. Knitting. Nearly finished with a sweater.

Watching some NC motivational videos. Texting friends but they each passed out early tonight.

It's been hard tonight. I won't lie my biggest motivation for not breaking NC is I dont want to send a text during a time when they are together... that would be embarrassing and very humiliating...

But I stuck to it... because I'm determined to make it to the other side. smile Thanks for hanging in there with me

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Good job on the NC. One step at a time. NC for one day, then two day, then three days, etc...until you no longer think about it, because you're living you're awesome life. You got this.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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KK,

NC motivational videos sounds manipulative me. I can't stress this enough that you can not manipulate him back to you.

Please concentrate your growth on things that will make your life better.

Sparkly girl is nobody's plan B.

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Originally Posted by LH19
KK,

NC motivational videos sounds manipulative me. I can't stress this enough that you can not manipulate him back to you.

Please concentrate your growth on things that will make your life better.

Sparkly girl is nobody's plan B.


These are not the ones that state - go NC for 30 days and then break the ice....

These are not manipulative --- they discuss why would you want someone who walked out on you. They reiterate to not chase or beg, etc. That contacting them and getting them to respond is just because they feel bad for you and not that they respect you. They reinforce that you are a high value person. That you set your value. If and when they ever reach out to you its because they are understanding your worth and value to them.

They really help me to stay... NOPE not, today... I'm not giving in today... I'm worth more than his pity.

I don't know why the weekends are so much harder than the week. I guess part of me sees it as so much wasted time - we could have been doing this or that, etc. I know I know I know... its not wasted. I've been given the gift of time. I was single the first 40yr of my life. I know what to do with time. I literally didn't think I would ever get married and I certainly didn't think I would serial date him... let alone marry him. But, that's how it happens right - the one person you didn't think you would fall for you did! Any way I digress... in a big way.

Today ---- I will work a 6hr shift. I will save a life. I will help end a life. I will make someone feel better about the hard choices they have to make. I will go home. I will clean something... I will do some paperwork. I will take the dog to the state park in the next town over and go for a 3mi walk. I will finish the sweater I'm nearly done knitting - at the same time continue watching the netflix series I started. I will find my self respect again --- and then in that others will be in awe. smile

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No!

“Not OTHERS will be in awe”

“YOU will be in awe of YOURELF”

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
No!

“Not OTHERS will be in awe”

“YOU will be in awe of YOURELF”


Yeah, I think what I meant was ---- I will have respect in myself. I cannot expect others to respect me if I don't respect myself... It's early and no coffee this AM. smile

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Kind of silent here. How is it going. I know you've struggle going NC, I am hoping the lack of posting doesn't indicate a relapse.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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I won't lie - there were some exchanges.

But, I became very detatched the whole weekend. Annoyed that he would think I'm just that stupid... So I got to a point where I had no desire at ALL to text him or follow up his stupid text with anything... I let it sit there. I was so over him at that point. For the rest of the weekend. Just couldn't give a hoot.

And, then this morning after I went 36hr when he didn't hear from me he texted and accused me of snooping.

WTH?

I understand where this is coming from. I am a person that will find information - nothing that isn't out there like on a public site/information. My H even stated many times it was helpful when dealing with he XW, kids or family but most of the time I was just nosey.

I can see that I've earned that over the years. I probably was involved in things I probably should have just ignored and walked away from. I think at the time I was doing it with the best intentions of helping my H with his kids. But, as they say the road to XXXX is paved with good intentions.

I digress. Though its weird. When it comes this, my H and OW I have not snooped. Not once. Only information I knew is what landed directly in my lap... and then he confirmed with me before I had the locks changed. It was why the locks were changed.

So it was a real bug up my behind that he accused me of snooping.

I caved - "?snooping? haven't bothered." [of course now I wish I just would have ignored... I see what ignoring got me... I ignored his prior text so he escalated it.... yes, I'm face palming my own head]

That was followed with texts about medication for the puppy - today was the date. He was confused about what medication for today - even though I had dates clearly on the box???? WTH. So I then went over all of the puppy's medication again.

This just proves my own point that when he is here at my house and he doesn't make eye contact and doesn't smile and clearly doesn't listen to even directions about the puppy... I'm just white noise to him. That's it. And, he has moments of clarity which is why he throws out the offer of a bike ride in moment... but never follows up. It's why he asks if he needs to make me dog treats in the moment of our interactions... but never follows up. It's why he offered to leave me his prized mixer in the moment... but I didn't take it. Its like when we are together he starts to feel something and maybe its just guilt. But, out of sight out of mind???? Because there is no follow up.

So the rest of the morning was more about the puppy - he even stated he needed to get him some sticks and sent a video of the puppy playing with a toy today.

So he doesn't hear form me... he escalates the text to accuse me of something... and then all the banter about the puppy... I mean a lot of banter about the puppy... So he is suddenly over me thinking I'm stalking him???

I know this is all to keep me on the hook... that is what it is... I've reached a point of disinterest BIG TIME.

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KK,

He makes up these reasons to contact you KK because he wants you back. Is that what you want to hear when you ask why he does these things with ???????????.

Looks like puppy is your connection and you will be on this roller coaster until you decide to get off. Every time you get on for a ride the clock goes back to zero and you start over.

We can lead a horse to water but we can't make him drink it.

If you want to reconcile, you're in a waiting game, and the only course of action that leads to reconciliation, IMO, is emotional distance and not actively trying to fix *anything* between you because that ship has sailed.

Do you know when you are 100% most likely to reconcile effectively?

When you no longer care if you do or not.

That's the honest and sad truth. Reconciliation requires a level playing field, an even starting line. BOTH of you need to be willing to walk and to believe the other one will leave. That makes you something worth having.

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You walked right into his trap

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