Persistent Endurance (Part 8)

[ovrrnbw]

Hey Curtis,

I feel bad for you. I've been there and done that. It is painful. But it probably is not as painful as it was a year ago, right? Do you think you are getting stronger and smarter?

W said her GF is being manipulated and controlled and she knows because OM3 did it to her. She said he always wanted her to be available for him at his mercy and that it was a massive time suck to text him throughout the day and night.

You sat there and listened to all of that?

W said she couldn’t see it when she was in the relationship and no one could help her see it.

Lol, relationship? You validated this lie and made her life easier by allowing her to avoid the truth of her actions: she was a married woman involved with other men.

Will my W ever open up to me and share her innermost feelings?

Who gives a rat's behind? Every time you talk to a woman in a romantic situation (and vice versa for our ladies), you should be deciding if she is worthy or not. Not everyone passes the test.

The day I left W said “To be blunt after not living together for a year, I think we could use a break from each other.” I replied “You’re probably right.”

The appropriate response would have been to show her the door and say "bye Felicia".

I asked if she was back in contact with OM3

Goddang dude. Again? Just tell her you know, or better yet take action and throw her out. She was evasive again? Not shocking. There are going to be a million things that remind you of OM regardless of whether or not you are with your W. Detach!

I'll say this Curtis, you've never really gone NC with her and moved on. I would do this immediately. As a person who clung hard for a long time, I feel your pain.

Your W said that you only wanted her when you couldn't have her, is that true? I'm genuinely curious.

But guess what, your W is the same way. You want her back? Let her go. Really, do it. Go NC, boot her out. You may get full custody given all the crazy [censored] and AP's she's had at the house. The stats show who is most at risk for this so let your W go live on her own.

When I got here I had the belief that you hang on to your marriage no matter what. You said for better or for worse and your word is your bond. But I have really softened on that position in the last 2 years.

[LH19]

The widowed GF has resumed a relationship with her AP that she was cheating on her now deceased H for a few years. Apparently, he’s not living up to her expectations.

Very predictable

I do wish my W had GF’s that weren’t of the mindset that A’s are okay or divorced.

When you ignore reality you suffer

She doesn’t seem interested in cultivating friendships with women in strong marriages. She’s got her two friends and she’s sticking with them.

Very predictable

W said her GF is being manipulated and controlled and she knows because OM3 did it to her.

She loves talking to you about OM. Interesting that you are ok with it.

She said he always wanted her to be available for him at his mercy and that it was a massive time suck to text him throughout the day and night.

OMs are usually needy. They can't get single available women.

She said “I don’t feel that guilty, we were separated.

In a rare occasion she's being honest with you

I replied that I wish she knew how much hurt I felt from the A.

She knows she just doesn't care

This talk was going nowhere, maybe this, maybe that, non-committal about anything. I took away what she wasn’t saying and that’s that she wants to be with me.

That's definitely what she is saying.

My thoughts over the past few weeks were that this is not sustainable. There is no intimacy and only cordial interaction between the hours of 7am-11pm. I wondered what is the endgame here?

Most likely her filing for divorce.

Will my W ever open up to me and share her innermost feelings?

Probably not

If she does will it be smothered in lies and trickle truth?

YES!!!!

I feel that I’ve been patient and haven’t pushed.

Patient yes but you definitely pushed.

If this is the status quo of our MR from here on out, then I need to be strong and express how this will not work for me.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need a true partner that values and appreciates me and cares about my needs.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve been giving her slack and the benefit of the doubt if she is going through affair withdrawal.
Shame on you
[quote=curtis7] My birthday came and went. Much different than last year when W only sent me a happy birthday text at 3pm. This year she picked up dinner, cake, and a balloon and gave me a power tool as a gift. I expressed my gratitude and appreciation to her for making the day special.

This only happened because she is living with you now.

The day I left W said “To be blunt after not living together for a year, I think we could use a break from each other.

In a rare occasion she's being honest with you.

The golf trip was a fun escape.

Good!

On Monday, we went to the store and W was talking about our neighbors. However, instead of saying “Bob and Sue”, W said “OM3 and Sue”. I immediately called her out on saying his name. She said “I did?” I replied yes and she apologized.

So annoying

This week was back to normal work from home and sleep alone at night. W’s phone broke last weekend so she had to use D5’s play phone until a new one arrived. Yesterday, D5 asked me to install a new game and when I picked it up the phone log was open and I saw the call history. There were a handful of outgoing calls to OM3 over the weekend through yesterday...46 minutes, 8 minutes, 3 minutes, 2 hours 22 minutes, 48 minutes...the text history was erased as well...RELAPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm shocked???????????????????????????????????????????????????

I was flooded with the sinking feeling of being back living in an open MR.

I'm sorry C but you never left it.

I can’t go through that again.

And you shouldn't!

When W returned from her appointment I asked if she was back in contact with OM3. She replied “What makes you think that?” I told her I see the calls on D5’s phone. She said he reached out to her 2 weeks after she went no contact wishing her a happy Mother’s Day and she replied thanks. I asked why she didn’t feel the need to tell me. W said I was being secretive about the golf trip and she thought I was going to meetup with another woman because I didn’t tell her specifically where I was going or much of the details. The truth is the golf resort was in OM3’s city 2 hours away and I didn’t want to give her any reminders of him if she was going through withdrawal. W said “F it! If he doesn’t care why should I?” This is why she claims she called him over the weekend to see how he was doing and has been texting him since. She said he wanted to know what happened and that’s why they talked for so long. I asked if she has seen him since going NC 6 weeks ago or is making plans to see him. She said no, but that he is probably under the impression that they will see each other again.

I hear the peanuts teacher on Charlie Brown when I read this BS.

I told her if he’s the one she wants then she should go be with him.

Good!

I said I’ve tried everything I could but I needed her to meet me halfway.

Everything but DBing

She said she doesn’t know if she can feel emotions for me again.

In a rare occasion she's being honest with you.

I said she’ll never know that while you stay in contact and he continues to be on your mind.

Doesn't sound like validation to me

W said the only reason she’s here is because of the virus, not because she wants to work on us.

In a rare occasion she's being honest with you.

I replied I know, clearly you haven’t chosen me.

Oh. So I guess it's a competition? WTF???????

That I can’t go back to this secret double life because it destroyed me.

I'm sorry C but you never left it.

I told her she has no idea what it’s like to be gaslighted. She asked how did I gaslight you. I gave her a few examples and she agreed. I told her it made me question my own sanity and I still do to this day because I don’t know what is real and what was a lie.

Trying to use logic and reason with an emotional human being

I just said I was hopeful when she ended it with him that she might actually be able to see me differently once her feelings for him fade.

Doubt it. You're still a control freak.

I thought to myself how could I be so stupid to believe she would stick to NC.

Very valid question

I made the kids dinner then W and I had a long relationship talk.

DB encourages relationship talks. Especially long ones. (LH smacks his head)

W said she feels manipulated by everyone. That OM3 and I say the same things to her. That nobody wants her until she breaks up with them. W said that my golf trip was bad timing and had a few tears in her eyes. She said the only reason she reached back out to him was because she thought I was going to meet someone while I was away.

WW BS

W doesn’t think we are repairable, there’s just too much and she has too many reservations about the past.

In a rare occasion she's being honest with you.

She thinks once the kids are gone then we’ll have nothing shared and will be miserable.

In a rare occasion she's being honest with you.

I told her you can’t have it both ways.

Why? She has for a year and a half.

I said this explains why you didn’t get a restraining order on OM3. W said he’s not dangerous and it was traumatizing because the kids were here when he came over that night. She said legal action can ruin someone’s life and that he’s not a bad person.

Unfortunately she cares more about him than you. I'm sorry.

W said she doesn’t think we can have anything more than a platonic business relationship. She said she thinks she’s not meant to be married and she should be single. (Heard all of this a year and half ago, same rhetoric).

In a rare occasion she's being honest with you.

W said she doesn’t think she can trust anyone and she can’t even trust herself. She said she doesn’t think she has ever been “in love” with anyone.

In a rare occasion she's being honest with you. She doesn't love herself so she can't love anyone else.

Nothing else substantial was said. We spent the rest of the night playing with our kitty and W seemed to realize she royally F upped.

Your BSing yourself Curtis.

Now, where does that leave me. My W is clearly ambivalent.

Actually she has told you where she's at but you don't listen to her.

I’m thinking about moving forward with D if she refuses to stick to NC with OM3 immediately. If she can’t commit to that, then she can go back to her house, have her single life, and never come back. I’m not playing the pick me game. Been there, done that. I’m tired of the disrespect.

I'm a literally just shaking my head.

[curtis7]

Thanks LH, Ginger, Ovr, MrBrside, Scout, and Steve. I hear a resounding kick her to the curb.

LH et al, the 2x4’s are deserved. I let her slide back into the house without working on herself. She does care about OM3 more than me, that’s been the case for over a year. She wants him, but she wants what we have. That is not a MR. She can justify what she has with him all she wants; however, it’s an affair any way you slice it and she’s still addicted. The “rock bottom” of seeing him traumatize our kids was short lived once she became lonely and he started sweet talking her again letting her know how he would do anything for her.

Ovr, it’s nowhere near as bad as a year ago. She has lost so much of my love and respect that her words and actions don’t hurt me the way they did back then. I am much stronger and smarter and am not letting this slide. You asked if it was true about my W saying that I only wanted her when I couldn't have her. We had a good MR, I always wanted and have been attracted to her. There were behaviors that I did which made her feel disrespected and unheard. She didn’t feel we were equal partners. I 180’d those after BD. I couldn’t hear or see them before and had no idea how much disdain it created for her towards me.

Steve, I like your suggestion. I need to confront and follow up with filing if she doesn’t commit to 100% NC with OM. I can tolerate her not committing to me for a time, but I will no longer tolerate her remaining in contact with OM while living with me.

[Ginger1]

What was your boundary the last time she commutes to NC? She crossed it. You are tolerating it. Why would she believe the next time she gets caught you are going to enforce a boundary.?

Are you just going to give her a do over again?

[Traveler]

Hi Curtis,

I am much stronger and smarter and am not letting this slide.

I hope this is your "rock bottom"--and you'll finally act on kicking her out and dealing with that horse.

[MrBrside]

Steve, I like your suggestion. I need to confront and follow up with filing if she doesn’t commit to 100% NC with OM. I can tolerate her not committing to me for a time, but I will no longer tolerate her remaining in contact with OM while living with me.

You are still trying to control her..

Giving her an ultimatum about no contact.. WTF... wasn’t this like one of 20 things you tried 12 months ago..

You don’t grasp the fact that she has no respect for you and your ultimatums don’t worry her..Look at your track record..

She will either just get smarter at hiding it, or just not care anyway.. in her eyes there is zero consequences to her actions because you talk the talk, but never follow through..and that’s irrelevant anyway because you are still overlooking the fact that the affair is like an addiction.. she is addicted to him..this guy turns up at your property and scares your children, yet she is still choosing him.. so in the grand sceme of things do you really believe if that didn’t scare her off him, an ultimatum from you will do the trick..? Really???

It’s sad to be typing this. My phone memories popped up this morning and showed pictures of our holiday “on this day” 12 months ago, and I remember replying a lot to your posts in the evening in the holiday cottage..it’s very sad that 12 months later you haven’t worked on your self enough or found peace - as you just can’t let go of what you once had or just enjoy life.

[SteveLW]

.

Steve, I like your suggestion. I need to confront and follow up with filing if she doesn’t commit to 100% NC with OM. I can tolerate her not committing to me for a time, but I will no longer tolerate her remaining in contact with OM while living with me.

That was not my suggestion. You already confronted. My suggestion was to move forward with filing. No more talking. The time for talk is over. You are like the parent that keeps telling their child "one more chance to obey", but never doles out the punishment. Your threats, boundaries, and ultimatums are toothless. You keep restating them hoping she'll pick you. You are like Donkey in Shrek, constantly jumping up and down in front of her saying "Pick me! Pick me!"

So either go file now. Silently give her one more chance. But certainly put that time-limit in place (AGAIN SILENTLY) that unless she is fully committed back by X date, you will go file.

curtis, the disrespect has continued to pile up. You can continue to be her doormat, or you can choose to take your situation under control and DO!

DO NOT SAY.
ACTION NOT WORDS.
ACTIVITY NOT CONVERSATION.

[neffer]

Curtis, remember: PROTECT YOUR KIDS


((((((((C))))))))

[joejoe1]

Curtis,

To be honest, I wasn't surprised at all. I said all this would happen. And guess what you knew it would happen too. But the difference between you and I, was you was hoping it didn't happen. Stop hoping and start doing. You are on a hamster wheel brotha. Only you can hop off.

We know, you going to give her this one last option. And if she don't take the option that you want her to take ( which for over a year now we have said stop those controlling habits you have) then you're done. Then she don't take it, and you are going to state another option.

Listen, you going to have to deal with it. Your WW is gone, mentally and emotionally she's not with or for you. That's the reality. You can't talk your way into her heart, you can't, you just can't. She's doesn't respect you, PERIOD! If she did, she wouldn't be so freely openly ready to discuss and explain how much of a good man the OM is that scared the hell out of your kids.

And to be honest, we are on a hamster wheel with you, because we keep typing to see things to you.

You WW don't deserve YOU, stop acting like she's the catch. Her friend is already complaining about her OM. Your WW came running back to you during a Pandemic, that's says enough about the OM. Stop getting in her way.

LET GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joejoe

[curtis7]

Two weeks ago I changed the screen on W’s old phone that was recently replaced as we were going to give it to D5 as a toy. I powered it on to test and discovered that my WW had resumed her PA with OM3. I learned that the phone conversations with him over Memorial Day weekend weren’t a relapse but part of a total collapse.

Here is the backstory, W went NC on April 13. Her AP sent her a text May 10 on Mother’s Day wishing her a good day. WW had one of her BFF’s check her blocked messages a few days later and she told her there was one. WW chose to re-engage and responded Thanks. A couple days later on May 14, WW started the barrage of hundreds of texts and calls with OM3. This explained a lot as she stopped watching shows in the evening with me around that time and now I understand it was because she was communicating with him incessantly while lying in the guest bed at night. She made it about 5 weeks NC before giving in to the temptation again. Some of the messages said “this was calculated” referring to her staying here for the virus and backing away from him so that I would calm down after OM3 came to our house. She also told him she cringes at the thought of touching me as he always seemed concerned that her and I were having a physical relationship during their A. I don’t know if these were things she said to him for appeasement or if she really meant it. ILUs, sexting, and future plans were exchanged daily. She left the kids at our house one of the nights I was on the golf trip Memorial Day weekend to have sex with him at her affair house. A few days later she had him sleep over there one night, then met him for sex in the morning after telling me she had to go into work that day.

So, on that day when the wool was removed from my eyes, WW was working on a project at her affair house. I was livid, thought about it for a few hours and decided I wanted to move forward with D. I sent the following texts:
H: “Don't bother coming back until you are 100% committed to no contact with your lover.”
WW: “Huh?”
H: “I am done being disrespected. Stay out of my life until you can break free of your addiction.”
H: “I will not live another day in an open marriage. We can proceed with the settlement. You can tell the kids tonight that you are having an affair.”
WW: “May I ask where the hell this came from?”
I did not respond. Instead I gathered her clothes, toiletries, and a few of her other belongings and set them outside the garage. An hour later she texts:
WW: “I need to feed horses and get my stuff.”
I did not respond.

WW came over and fed the horses. She loaded her $hit in the trunk as I brought a bag of her shoes outside to set on the driveway. She asked where all of this came from all of sudden. I told her it doesn’t matter and I’m done with all the lies. She continued to press and asked who told you something. I replied I know you’re screwing him again. I repeated I’m done. I said “You have to decide right now in this moment, him or me. You will not get another chance. This is the biggest decision of your life.” WW went to her car like she was going to leave. She got back out then held out her phone and said “Here.” I looked at it and said “What?” wondering if she wanted me to check the message history that was likely erased. She said “Take it, I won’t do it again.” She was offering transparency and to go no contact. She said she would stop forever with tears in her eyes. She had the look of fear, someone crying out for help but to weak to give up her addiction. I couldn’t believe it, did she mean it this time or is this her reaction to fear of being kicked to the curb for good. I told her actions are all that matter now. Her words don’t mean much to me and that I don’t trust her. Actions talk now. She said something along the lines of don’t make me regret this and if I don’t treat her right and regrets her decision, then she will leave.

We talked for a few hours in the garage. WW started justifying her A again in that we were separated and she waited until she moved out. I asked what about since you’ve been back and leading me to believe you were NC with him. Then I asked about OM1 (co-worker). It may not have been physical but you started an emotional affair with him before you gave me the letter (referring to BD on 11/6/2018). I gave her my definition of cheating and that’s anything you share with someone that you wouldn’t want your spouse to see or hear. She said the affair started with OM1 the day after our anniversary in 2018. Completely new information to me, turns out this was a PA over 2 months prior to BD!

She said she didn’t feel appreciated because we only said happy anniversary to each other during the day, then I went to play basketball at night. I told her affairs during separation meant cheating to me, it may not have to her, but it meant that to me. We continued to voice our needs to each other. I told her no contact whatsoever could ever happen again and she needs to develop a plan for how our marriage will be better. She didn’t know where to start, she was at a loss. I told her a NC letter approved by me and sent to him laying out that it was over forever in no uncertain terms is the first step. She agreed to it.

WW said OM3’s a victim, that I’m a victim, and she caused it all. WW was feeling sorry for herself. She said he is a narcissist. I agreed he is and he needs to get his fix from her as his supply. I said he sucked you right back in, it’s called hoovering and she said I know. I said he can’t get a single available woman so he preys on vulnerable married women like you. I said you jumped right back in with the constant texting and calls, you told me how much of a time suck that was and I asked if that was something she needs. She said no, it is draining and she was going to ask him to scale back on it and all the sexual talk. Then she said maybe she’s the narcissist. I said that’s something you’re going to have to work through yourself, either way it’s not your job to save him. She’s said he’s not a bad person or some monster that I want to make him out to be. I replied it’s probably easier for me to think of him that way to take some of the blame away from you. She said that he and others have said the same thing about me and that is when I get what I want and that is total control of her, that I will change back and treat her poorly. I told her I intend to keep the changes she’s seen in me for the rest of my life, whether I’m with her or not. I said I realized how destructive they were to us and me as a person and I’m not going back to that. That seemed to reassure her because her friends obviously told her otherwise.

I asked why she was willing to give everything up for a 2% chance of that relationship working out, if she saw a future. She replied she sees no future for her, it’s a complete void. The woman is completely lost in the fog. I told her I’d prefer not to talk about OM3 again beyond what’s needed for the NC letter.

W said she enjoys when we do things as a family like when we go for rides together. One thing she needs is that I never use the kids as pawns to manipulate our relationship. She said she will leave if I do that. She asked me to look her in the eye when I responded to that. She sat there with a blank look on her face saying she doesn’t know what to do. If she’s supposed to stay or go. I asked what she was committing to, NC or working on us? I explained when she came back in April that I was hopeful that she was NC with him and might give us a chance. Then, she made it clear that there was no us, so I backed off as I felt she needed time to go through withdrawal from her affair. So, I accepted that and could live with only a commitment to NC for now and not a commitment to us at that time. So, I asked again what is it this time? She said she wouldn’t do one without the other, meaning commitment to NC and working on us. I said in that case, I would prefer you to stay, but you are free to stay over there if you would like, it would not upset me. She decided to stay.

A few days after the ultimatum I asked when she was planning to send the NC letter. She said she already did the following day via email, then deleted the account (her secret online dating email address). She doesn’t know if he got it and hasn’t checked google voice where she would text him. I was displeased and reminded her I wanted to see the letter before she sent it. She said she didn’t remember that from our talk. I asked what did it say. She said it was 3 sentences. It said something like “I have decided to end this relationship for my family. We can have no further contact. I am sorry.”

I asked if she meant what she said about me that I make her cringe. She said there are a lot of past hurts that she hasn’t gotten past with me. She didn’t have those with the OM so she felt a lot of love towards them. I tried to reassure that it gets easier a month, 6 months, 1-2 years later. I asked for a plan for us and said that the first step was no contact so I appreciated she did that. I asked what she meant by telling him coming back was all calculated. I feared she was only here because of what happened on April 13th when OM3 came to our house and I read what she wrote that I was going to use it against her to try and take the kids. She said sometimes it was easier to just say what OM3 wanted to hear then to get in an argument. She said it was draining to text or have calls with him to discuss certain things. I asked if she liked all the constant contact and sexual talk. She said it was getting a little old always circling back to sex. She said she is much better able to verbalize now sexually, she didn’t know she had that in her before. She said she likes that occasionally to keep things interesting.

3 days ago I decided to look at her phone as she leaves it out now, not hiding it anymore. She has stuck to NC. However, there was a text to divorced BFF about OM3. W told her she was frustrated and crying the night before, then texted she missed him so damn much, wants to email him but doesn’t know what to say. Divorced BFF merely replied I’m sorry you’re sad. I’ve decided that I’m at a point in this sitch that if I see something that crosses my boundary, then I’m going to say something or act. No longer will I let it slide. I’m not going back to a life of living in an open marriage, never again.

I confronted W about it. I told her if she’s going through anything that’s difficult that I would like her to come to me. She said there’s nothing, that she hasn’t talked to BFFs about anything. I told her I’m sure it’s tough going through this and you haven’t been yourself lately. She said I’m fine in a very defensive tone. I told her I read that she’s sad and wanted to email him. She said you’re reading my $hit in a pissed off voice. She said that’s the first time she brought him up in a long time. I said you gave me your phone, I thought you were offering transparency. She said this is not the time, that I always come to her at the worst times, in the morning, at night, when she has to work. I asked when is a good time. She said she doesn’t know and left for an appointment. She was annoyed again that I looked through her phone. I guess transparency only matters when I’m ready to end things. I sent her the following texts “This $hit’s hard. I get it. Really hard to give something up that you were in love with. It will fade. Please come to me when you're struggling. We can do this together.” And “Honesty, transparency, and accountability are the building blocks. When you share with me how you're doing, it makes me feel more connected and it helps rebuild trust. I know you're trying your best. I hope you will feel more comfortable coming to me. If there's something I can do differently to help, please let me know.” She made no mention of this the rest of the day.

I will say she has been on her best behavior since. I think she needs to be reminded what she’s committed to and may not have the will power to do it on her own. This reminds me of when I met her and she was a smoker. I hated the smell and taste. She knew it was bad for her and I urged her to quit. She had several relapses and over the course of about 6 months was finally able to stop for good. I had to check in with her regularly to make sure she was sticking to quitting. Over coming her AP addiction is akin to this smoking analogy except several lives are impacted severely by her choices and I don’t know if she is strong enough for NC on her own.

My W’s affair fog clock was reset to zero. Now we’re 2 weeks into this latest stint of NC. Rather than sleep in the guest bedroom, W sleeps in D5’s room every night. She has about 5 sets of clothes here. The fish and all of her other clothes and belongings remain at the other house. There has been no marriage plan from her, nary a word about it. W does talk about some future plans and redecorating the house occasionally. W is also starting to distance herself from one of her two BFFs that was not a friend of our MR in my opinion. I was reading up on affair fog on another site and the author, a former WW, described how she tried to break it off with her AP over a dozen times! I think I’m up to her third attempt since she’s been living back in our house.

I realize that my W has been in love with at least 3 OM since the last time she loved me. I try to remind myself that it will take time for her to unwind these feelings through the withdrawal process. She must be asking herself what that meant to her and what does that mean for me and our MR if she allowed herself to choose them for so long. My WW really went off the deep end last summer. It was probably the first of her multiple rock bottoms. For those that remember, I took my kids for a 2 week vacation to California and when I returned, W wanted me to keep the kids every night for a few weeks. There are some things I read on her phone from that time period that confirm she was in a very dark place. She was coming to grips with the enormity of her choices and how toxic she was. I’m not going into more detail about that as she seems to have recovered from that low point.

My sitch continues. Per Steve85’s recommendation, I have a date set for myself where I need to see movement in the commitment to me and working on the MR. W is most definitely not on the same timeline as me, we’ll see if she gets there. On a positive note, I see the stability that has returned to my kid’s lives. They were so confused going back and forth between houses. The kids were my greatest motivation to stand for my MR during the worst of times. I’m grateful that I’ve reached this point where R could be a possibility.

Another super lengthy update...it’s kind of my trademark. Thank you all for the support!