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A Message from Michele
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Made it a year - part 4 #2896078
05/28/20 02:05 PM
05/28/20 02:05 PM
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kas99 Offline OP
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2894635&page=11

I'm switching attorneys and I have 3 consults lined up - the first one is today. I work in a court so I have 3 equally great lawyers to choose from. If I remotely like the one today I will hire her because none of the 3 offer free consultations. They are at a level where "free" isn't in their vocabulary. I was up until 1am copying a few documents like tax returns, making a list of questions and summarizing my case. In the light of day I'm thinking I should make a shorter summary. I'm very tired, kinda sick, but I'm prepared to do what needs to be done.

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: kas99] #2896086
05/28/20 02:38 PM
05/28/20 02:38 PM
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kas99 Offline OP
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I would tell D14 the chances are better for custody/living with you if she moves in now (before official paperwork is in place). Is there really no way for the kids to work this out living together until you can move?


kml,

This is what I want and maybe if my attorney says this is the best course of action maybe I can talk D14 into it. I'm not sure if D14 doesn't want S19 (aspergers) to give her crap (I will deal with this) or she doesn't want to give up her space. Could be both. The decision is mine of course but I'd prefer to have S19 and D17's support. For the next 2 months all they will do is sleep all day so what does it matter?

Start school in August, the only issue there is talking D14 into going back to pick her up (she will have early release). The new rental will be in the school district so D14 can walk or ride the bus. I'll need money to pull all this off and I have to pay my attorney as well. Lots of unknowns. Wish me luck today.

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: kas99] #2896099
05/28/20 05:34 PM
05/28/20 05:34 PM
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CWarrior Offline
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Originally Posted by kml
I would tell D14 the chances are better for custody/living with you if she moves in now (before official paperwork is in place).

Agreed! Regular overnights by D14 would alter the "status quo" and probably help with custody. smile

Originally Posted by kas99
I'm switching attorneys and I have 3 consults lined up - the first one is today. if my attorney says this is the best course of action maybe I can talk D14 into it. Lots of unknowns. Wish me luck today.

Good luck! $10,000 should be plenty to get what you're entitled to. It's more than I spent. I'm glad you skipped budget attorneys. My expensive attorney is efficient enough she cost me less than attorneys half her price. I'm wishing you good luck today in finding a kindred spirit and getting on the path to at least some custody of D14!


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: CWarrior] #2896106
05/28/20 06:24 PM
05/28/20 06:24 PM
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kas99 Offline OP
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Good luck! $10,000 should be plenty to get what you're entitled to. It's more than I spent. I'm glad you skipped budget attorneys. My expensive attorney is efficient enough she cost me less than attorneys half her price. I'm wishing you good luck today in finding a kindred spirit and getting on the path to at least some custody of D14!


Do you really think $10k will be enough? This woman is very nice according to my coworkers she's just a go getter and will make the opposing side look like idiots. I counted my cash yesterday and I have the $10k. I've been saving since the day he walked out. I was heartbroken not stupid.

I took the credit cards out of his wallet before he moved out. He's terrible with money and I wanted to make sure my name was off all of them. To this day he thinks he lost them.

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: kas99] #2896108
05/28/20 06:40 PM
05/28/20 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by kas99
Do you really think $10k will be enough? This woman is very nice according to my coworkers she's just a go getter and will make the opposing side look like idiots.

Trying to "win" can cost as much as you're willing to spend. I had a family member spend over $100,000, and they won a 6-month delay in moving to 50/50 custody against a less wealthy opponent. (Their opponent committed a felony a few months later--it debatable whether it was worth $100,000 to avoid three months custody with a soon-to-be felon.) Getting what you are entitled to is cheap. The person arguing against the norm tends to spend. That's a great question for your attorney--what do they anticipate in terms of cost and outcomes? Mine was right on their mark.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: kas99] #2896117
05/28/20 10:17 PM
05/28/20 10:17 PM
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kas99 Offline OP
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It didnít go well. H is going to get off cheap.

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: kas99] #2896141
05/29/20 02:58 AM
05/29/20 02:58 AM
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kas99 Offline OP
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Iím totally fine. D14 doesnít want to live with me so Iím stressing over absolutely nothing. It will be super easy to get a nice 3 bedroom house outside the overpriced school district. I kinda thought it would go down like this. D14 doesnít want to be there but there is better than here. Sheís almost 15 and I canít make her do anything.

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: kas99] #2896147
05/29/20 03:31 AM
05/29/20 03:31 AM
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Originally Posted by kas99
She's almost 15 and I can't make her do anything.

My D15 declared six months ago I couldn't make her go to school. That lasted about 12 minutes!! My D15 is growing, and I grant her more choices and responsibilities, but I'm her Dad, and I control some things when I believe it's best for her. Maybe she'll thank me down the line. Maybe not. wink

It's your prerogative to go with your D14's preferences. A judge would take into account her feelings, but they also consider what's in her best interest, and most courts favor both parents in their lives. I am assuming your attorney didn't raise any reasons this court would rule against you having visitation.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: kas99] #2896177
05/29/20 12:48 PM
05/29/20 12:48 PM
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kas99 Offline OP
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I didnít get a good judge. She doesnít like alimony and here the judge decides. I canít afford to give D14 her own room and sure I could fight for her but sheíd hate me. D14 said she will have her license in a year and she will visit more then. She means well but thatís not whatís going to happen. I said the day I came here I was going to lose her. H lost a kid too so I guess we are even.

My situation seems dire to me today. Itís difficult not to see that H will come out of this unscathed. Women often end up on the bad end financially. I know a few personally. They survived meaning they have a home, a job and food. Most remarried. One woman I know who got ended up in a really bad place worse than me her husband did suffer some pretty bad karma. Ended up alone, severely depressed and heís got cancer. Bad.

My old attorney has also messed up my case and missed some deadlines. The judge will probably grant me some leeway but this ups my cost to fix it. Her retainer will wipe me out cash wise. The other attorney Iím supposed to have a consult with isnít much cheaper. If I settle it will be cheaper but if I go to trial Iím looking at $6k just for that. Not bad I guess. My budget is $10k and unless I go to trial this will cover it.

Oh and his pension is untouchable but she will go after some lump sum alimony that he can make payments on. The benefit to this is I can remarry.

I donít get a ton of responses here but I figured Iíd tell the story for the lurkers.

I feel sick.

Re: Made it a year - part 4 [Re: kas99] #2896182
05/29/20 01:30 PM
05/29/20 01:30 PM
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I donít always respond because Iím not usually sure how to respond. I feel bad for you being in the situation you are in but I donít really identify with it as some other might because it is just so different than my own D was. I think one thing everyone can agree on is that D SUX!!!!! It is hard, it is painful, it is gut-wrenching.

So, my lack of response isnít lack of caring, it is just inability to offer sound advice because I didnít have the same experience. My D process in and of itself was fairly quick and inexpensive because we didnít have alimony and custody issues to deal with. No court or anything. We amicably hashed our our possessions, made a list, turned it into the court and 60 days later it was done.

For me, the other reason I donít respond as often is that I fear sometimes my responses come across as harsh and that is absolutely never my intention. As I have said before, I really do feel terribly for you in your situation and the difficulties you are facing. It is rather easy for me, from the outside, only having VERY limited information, to pick out the positive in your situation, but I donít live in it every day like you do.

Having said all that, though, hereís my response to your most recent posts, offered in what I hope is a helpful manner to just give you another viewpoint outside yourself to think about. Iím still confused about the whole D14 thing. Are you saying that she chooses to stay with H because she doesnít have her own room at your house? You keep saying you canít make her do anything, but kas, YOU are the parent, so you can, in fact, make her do anything. It might be tough and she may fight tooth and nail, but she isnít 18 so until then, you still, technically, call the shots. Just because you donít call the shots to keep the peace (Which is not necessarily a bad thing), doesnít mean you canít if push comes to shove. And just how does she think she is going to drive to see you more once she has her license? Does this indicate that H is planning to buy her a car? Based on what you have said about H, I canít imagine that she is going to be using his car all the time.

As I have said before, you seem to spend a lot of time focusing on how H is benefitting or coming out ahead in this deal, but you need to focus more on your own positives. Girl, you have $10,000 saved up. Thatís AMAZING! That tells me you are very smart with your financial decisions. Thatís a HUGE positive in your corner. You have 3 kids whom you adore. They clearly love you too. You have a job, a roof over your head, food on the table, kids who love you. Your H, who you admit you are better off without, is out of your life and whether you believe it or not, you are on the path to a much brighter, happier future. Until you arrive there, try to focus on staying in your own lane and let H deal with his. From the outside looking in, you are doing MUCH better than you think you are.


Me 51, H52
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids (plus 1 on the way)
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