Had a wonderful Memorial Day. I hope everyone else did too. Took the kids swimming, to a BBQ there were fireworks and good music. Everyone seemed to have a legit blast.
Journaling I still haven’t heard from the W. Saturday every kid unblocked their mom. They wanted to see if she was still trying to contact them. I told them I was hesitant to ok it because if she was I didn’t know if they would be sympathetic to her. Well she was still contacting them. They didn’t take it that way, they just said yep and all re-blocked her except D8 who had ask to keep her unblocked. Hasn’t matter...yet. W texted D8 at 945pm, said I was just calling to say goodnight. Phone never rang, but D8 texted back I wasn’t home. W read it and didn’t respond.
I realized we are coming up to a month since anyone has seen her. 4 kids haven’t seen her since Easter D8 since April 30th. Though I only know that because it was the day after she was fired.
Did get up and felt a little anxious to contact her. I do miss her today. That’s ok though. I was able to say to myself what will it accomplish to say anything? What’s the real point? She’s in another relationship with someone else, and seems happy. So what’s is your goal by saying anything? There is no reason, well no good one except to temporarily placate an emotion that’ll pass. So I’ll hold off.
Well time to get up and get moving for the day.
I get that... its like when I get a text or a missed call from H. Or we have some banter back and forth. I suddenly calm down.
I get it.... I just got my fix like a freaking drug addict.
I'm recognizing that. H called this am at 7:30 -- I didn't answer. He also did not leave a text a message. Why did he contact?
Am I calm about it because I just got my "fix"? I'm sitting really doing the hard work - making myself dig deep. Am I cool about it because I'm just ready to be done being his doormat... that i will not except friendship and I know my worth??? OR, am I calm because after 48hr of not hearing from him... he clearly is still tied to me and contacting... therefore I have appeased my anxiety with his attempt to contact.
I don't know if I have the answer to that yet. But, I do feel good that I let him know by not answering that I am in control of myself... and my path.
Stay the course. Take it a day at a time and then suddenly you have accomplished a week.
Even if she wasn’t in a relationship with another man, she abused all your kids and physically abused not one, but 2 of them, based upon the account you gave. All you have to do is think of that when you miss her. It should do the trick.
I hope to god she never gets the chance to abuse any of those kids again
Even if she wasn’t in a relationship with another man, she abused all your kids and physically abused not one, but 2 of them, based upon the account you gave. All you have to do is think of that when you miss her. It should do the trick.
I hope to god she never gets the chance to abuse any of those kids again
Great point here, JosephS. Listen to Ginger. We all come here wanting a chance at R. But the truth is that not all sitches should result in R! Your sitch sounds like that is where it should be categorized. Unless your STBXW were to agree to serious therapy and to do a LOT of work that she is probably unwilling to do, I do not see why you would even consider taking her back.
We had another poster here a while back. Whose WW was especially toxic and deep into addiction. While she wasn't guilty of abuse, she was guilty of gross neglect of their 2 daughters. While he loved her and at first felt a compulsion to try to "save" her, he soon realized that her deficiencies required more than she would ever require of herself, so he made the decision to move the D forward himself. Believe it or not, that is sometimes the right way forward. DBing requires that you not only focus on you, but that you require more than a "I have no where else to go" from your walkaway. If she were to come to you today and want to come back with no other changes, you would be nuttier than a squirrel to just allow her to waltz back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Even if she wasn’t in a relationship with another man, she abused all your kids and physically abused not one, but 2 of them, based upon the account you gave. All you have to do is think of that when you miss her. It should do the trick.
I hope to god she never gets the chance to abuse any of those kids again
Well you certainly aren’t wrong. And no she won’t. My kids are in summer mode so, while I’m up at 8am I find myself alone for a couple of hours in the morning. We still haven’t moved, so I see stuff and it reminds me of her. The “good” her if that makes sense? The woman I remember from years ago before she lost her mind. It’s a moment of weakness that passes. But it helps me to type it out here instead of typing something out to her. I do really appreciate you continuing to follow my sitch and give your advice and comments. You always speak the truth and have always made sure I stay on a straight path even if I don’t wanna hear it.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Even if she wasn’t in a relationship with another man, she abused all your kids and physically abused not one, but 2 of them, based upon the account you gave. All you have to do is think of that when you miss her. It should do the trick.
I hope to god she never gets the chance to abuse any of those kids again
Great point here, JosephS. Listen to Ginger. We all come here wanting a chance at R. But the truth is that not all sitches should result in R! Your sitch sounds like that is where it should be categorized. Unless your STBXW were to agree to serious therapy and to do a LOT of work that she is probably unwilling to do, I do not see why you would even consider taking her back.
We had another poster here a while back. Whose WW was especially toxic and deep into addiction. While she wasn't guilty of abuse, she was guilty of gross neglect of their 2 daughters. While he loved her and at first felt a compulsion to try to "save" her, he soon realized that her deficiencies required more than she would ever require of herself, so he made the decision to move the D forward himself. Believe it or not, that is sometimes the right way forward. DBing requires that you not only focus on you, but that you require more than a "I have no where else to go" from your walkaway. If she were to come to you today and want to come back with no other changes, you would be nuttier than a squirrel to just allow her to waltz back.
No she’s not coming back. I don’t think she’ll try again. Maybe she will idk, doesn’t matter. Plus I truly believe she’s is charming enough and sociopathic enough that even if she got therapy it wouldn’t matter. I think she’s say or do whatever it took to get through whatever therapy she’s in. And she’d only go to appease herself that all of this is made up and she’s the victim. It’s scary what a pretty face that can cry on demand and have so much conviction about her own lies can really do to people. But she is narcissistic enough that she’ll never get help, and I really believe she believes we are all in the wrong and she’s in the right.
Just a bad morning with anxiety and her. Nothing I can’t handle or work through without contacting her.
Last edited by JosephS; 05/26/2003:15 PM.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Had a wonderful Memorial Day. I hope everyone else did too. Took the kids swimming, to a BBQ there were fireworks and good music. Everyone seemed to have a legit blast.
Journaling I still haven’t heard from the W. Saturday every kid unblocked their mom. They wanted to see if she was still trying to contact them. I told them I was hesitant to ok it because if she was I didn’t know if they would be sympathetic to her. Well she was still contacting them. They didn’t take it that way, they just said yep and all re-blocked her except D8 who had ask to keep her unblocked. Hasn’t matter...yet. W texted D8 at 945pm, said I was just calling to say goodnight. Phone never rang, but D8 texted back I wasn’t home. W read it and didn’t respond.
I realized we are coming up to a month since anyone has seen her. 4 kids haven’t seen her since Easter D8 since April 30th. Though I only know that because it was the day after she was fired.
Did get up and felt a little anxious to contact her. I do miss her today. That’s ok though. I was able to say to myself what will it accomplish to say anything? What’s the real point? She’s in another relationship with someone else, and seems happy. So what’s is your goal by saying anything? There is no reason, well no good one except to temporarily placate an emotion that’ll pass. So I’ll hold off.
Well time to get up and get moving for the day.
I get that... its like when I get a text or a missed call from H. Or we have some banter back and forth. I suddenly calm down.
I get it.... I just got my fix like a freaking drug addict.
I'm recognizing that. H called this am at 7:30 -- I didn't answer. He also did not leave a text a message. Why did he contact?
Am I calm about it because I just got my "fix"? I'm sitting really doing the hard work - making myself dig deep. Am I cool about it because I'm just ready to be done being his doormat... that i will not except friendship and I know my worth??? OR, am I calm because after 48hr of not hearing from him... he clearly is still tied to me and contacting... therefore I have appeased my anxiety with his attempt to contact.
I don't know if I have the answer to that yet. But, I do feel good that I let him know by not answering that I am in control of myself... and my path.
Stay the course. Take it a day at a time and then suddenly you have accomplished a week.
Peace and Love
What helps me KC is finding new things I enjoy. Making plans to do things I’ve never done or wouldn’t have done with the W. I don’t particularly like doing things we’ve done before because it just reminds me of her or makes me wish she was there. The only exception is riding my motorcycle. But even that I switched up. I always rode a cruiser because that’s what’s the W liked. I always wanted a Ninja. So when I close I’m trading my bike in for one.
I’m officially at the longest I’ve been with no talking or texting. I’ll get through it. And I know you will too!!
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Well the W emailed today saying she needed some paperwork. Before I respond I wanted to check in on here. My initial reaction was this is all bs, but wanted to get a 2nd opinion. She says she needs a copy of her GED because a prospective employer needs a copy of it as they can’t seem to verify she has one. (I have a hard time believing this) and than she needs her 2018 and 2019 W2s because the same prospective employer can’t seem to verify her hire and fire date from her previous employer because “HR isn’t in” and only came into fire her due to COVID. I don’t believe any of this.
It’s been about 3 hours since she emailed. I know where the W2s are but I have no clue where the GED is. However I don’t see what a W2 is gonna show that a transcript won’t and she can get that online herself. Plus verifying a GED shouldn’t be an issue. But idk. What do you guys think
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
I've done some hiring albiet a few years ago and with a recruiter doing most of document handling and verifying. My take is that it could be legit, however it is suspicious. Places like warehouse jobs, cashiers, call centers or other jobs people can get with limited education seemingly go through a more intense verification process to cut down on turnover. W2s is suspicious in that they can see her previous pay. The documents she's requesting could also be used to open a bank account, couldnt they? Make sure your finances are safe if you are going to get the documents over to her.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
If they're her documents, I'd send across whichever ones you can easily find and not worry about her motives. Your ex lies often. There's a good chance she's lying now, but they're her documents. ::shrug::
I wouldn't go to great lengths to find anything for her, though.
I've done some hiring albiet a few years ago and with a recruiter doing most of document handling and verifying. My take is that it could be legit, however it is suspicious. Places like warehouse jobs, cashiers, call centers or other jobs people can get with limited education seemingly go through a more intense verification process to cut down on turnover. W2s is suspicious in that they can see her previous pay. The documents she's requesting could also be used to open a bank account, couldnt they? Make sure your finances are safe if you are going to get the documents over to her.
I appreciate the reply. She says she can’t get her last pay stub because it was on the company’s intranet. She actually has her own account and had for years. Honestly the first thing that went thru my head was she was gonna file our federal taxes and pocket everything since she’s unemployed.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
If they're her documents, I'd send across whichever ones you can easily find and not worry about her motives. Your ex lies often. There's a good chance she's lying now, but they're her documents. ::shrug::
I wouldn't go to great lengths to find anything for her, though.
I did send her an email, attached the last 2 years W2s and the body of the email just said can’t find your GED, anywhere you can think it may be let me know.
Tonight I talked to my best friend on the phone. Told him exactly how i have I been feeling. He’s a good dude. Was with the same woman for 10 plus years. Came home and his girl was gone. So he has an idea of how I’m feeling. He’s reminded me I owe her nothing and to stop seeing her for the next month and dont talk to her
Last edited by JosephS; 05/27/2004:45 AM.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
